You don’t even know how much you helped me. I’m not promising the same time zone thing (unless you are planning on moving to the west) but I am promising the kind of life long friendship – like I better get Christmas cards and once a month emails about the kids – that is really what all women want down deep. I love our google chats. If I go a day without them I wonder what happened to the day? I’m so glad you don’t think I am crazy for lying to myself about convincing myself that someone who is totally not, totally is addicted to porn. You rock!

Love,
Your Crazy Crazy Friend

dear graveyard shift worker at the taco bell on university:
listen. I understand it’s late. You’re bored out of your mind because Gainesville is a ghost town right now and you hate your life. But really? Onions on my mexican pizza? Really? And skipping out on the “mozzarella cheese” or whatever you pretend that white stuff on top is? that’s just ridiculous. next time, maybe just try a little harder? your company’s reputation for serving grade d beef that’s who knows how old, and been handled by however many bare hands, is on the line. consider this a warning.

heart-
a disenfranchised fan.

me: *grabs purse, keys, goes to veronica’s door* hey I’m-
veronica: ARE YOU GOING TO TACO BELL?