“‘Blessed is the man who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed’ was the ninth beatitude.”–Alexander Pope.

people consistently disappoint me.

not all people.  one girl on tuesday held the elevator for me because she saw me walking down the hall. that act singlehandedly made my day. my roommate preheated the oven for me last night so that when i brought home the frozen pizza that i’d been looking forward to for nearly six hours from the store, i didn’t have to wait any longer than was necessary. my students make me laugh, consistently, and the dedication of most of them restores my faith in undergrads.   my mom is amazing and listens to me rant about nothing. my other roommate forces me to watch seinfeld at 11 p.m. and it makes me laugh and so i go to bed feeling like if i’m not as preposterous as that guy who keeps calling himself THE WIZ! then i must be on the right track.

people are usually good. i do get that.

(some people, even, are extraordinary, nigh unto perfect…but that’s another post entirely.)

but then sometimes, even when i keep giving them the benefit of the doubt, some people are just…disappointing. inconsiderate.  selfish.

(and as i write this rant, i am so aware that those adjectives often describe me. but let’s not talk about that, okay?)

i’m beginning to wonder if this really is MY problem. is there something about me that just says “hey! treat me like crap. i’ll take it! and then i’ll come back and ask for some more!”? because if there is, i really need to work on that.

or maybe it’s just that, despite all signs to the contrary, i keep thinking the best about people, just desperately wanting them to measure up to what i know they have the potential to be.  it’s unfair, i suppose, holding people up to that kind of standard. we are all far less than we ought to or could be.  maybe i should just accept that people are who they are and leave it at that.  but i keep holding out hope that, if they could just be who i know they could be, all of that faith in them would be justified and not wasted.  it would be a delayed success rather than a seeming failure.

i would be right, i guess.  maybe that’s what i want. i want to be right about people and all they can be.

maybe this is all an offshoot of being a teacher. my job every day is to see potential and work you until you give it to me, and not reward you until it’s there.  i can do it too–when i know students for a very little bit of time, i can see what they are capable of and i try to do what i can to set the bar a little bit higher.

(it’s why they think i’m a grade nazi. but that’s also probably another post.)

it’s exhausting. and hard.  and i’m kind of tired of it.

so instead, today, i will concentrate on the little things, the things that bring small bits of joy to my world.

this, which i bought yesterday, did not disappoint:

my frozen pizza didn’t disappoint.  it doesn’t disappoint me that i have leftovers for tonight, either. the fact that dark chocolate m&ms were on sale for 32 cents didn’t disappoint me, nor did the fact that these were so much cuter than i thought and SO worth the $1.79 i spent on them:

i guess, when you look at it that way, most of the simple things in life rarely disappoint me.  how could hello kitty or an amazing dark brown fake leather tote disappoint me? it’s impossible.

it’s the people that make life complicated.

i could do with a little less complication.  couldn’t you?