Playing with Heart

I’m watching the Gator game. It’s a little disappointing.

They seem to NEED to be the underdogs, to need to come from behind to win. They make mistakes. They fumble. They miss the cues they need. They’re far from perfect.

But when they achieve those moments of greatness and glory–the jump pass of Tim Tebow, for example, a few weeks ago–they just exude fire and spirit. Nothing can top it, nothing can really explain it–but it’s magnificence in action.
When they really want it, those Gators play with an amazing kind of heart.

I wonder if I’m not like that–if I just mess up and force myself into situations so that I have to rise to the occasion, to really dig deep and play my game with courage and raw emotion.

I contemplate this because, when I was talking to my mom last night, she told me to do something really scary that requires a kind of belief in myself that I rarely have. Don’t get me wrong–I have confidence in myself. But in certain areas, in particular situations, I am not at all confident. I think we all have those particular areas where we shine and feel completely comfortable (the number of areas that fit that description for me, lately, seem to be dwindling).

This is not one of them for me.

I’m honestly a little surprised she told me to do it, but I know that she’s right.

In some ways, I feel like my life right now is like the end of the third quarter when I’ve been flubbing my game a little. Not badly, not anything irretrievable, but if I really want to win, I have to do something dramatic.

I’ve got to create a jump pass situation.

I wonder if I can do it–in a lot of areas, I wonder if I have the heart to take back the game and to create these moments of magnificence that I need.

I think, this week, I might.

Now if the Gators could just suck it up already. Sheesh.


One Response to “Playing with Heart”

  1. carrie, you’re pretty much amazing, in case you’d forgotten. if you’re talking about what I wish you were talking about, I’m rooting for you all the way. :o)

    also, I found another pair that struck me in my mind. more on that later. see you monday or wednesday or both!

    also, my 15 year old cousin got to meet the football team after her swim meet in the o’connell center and she got to hug chris leak. le sigh. unfair.

    the end.

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