wild and sweet

so i came home with several hopes.

the first was to get all of my work done. while i haven’t gotten it all done, i’m farther than i thought i would be and it has required very little stress on my part, surprisingly. grading, despite the unanticipated ridiculousness of certain students, went well.  despite a near disaster, i managed to compile four different instructors’ grades into a comprehensible whole–and submitted them 48 hours before the deadline.  now i just have evaluations to write sometime before monday. that won’t take long, and i’m waiting on something coming in the mail in order to finish them.  of course, that legitimizes my procrastination, but that’s okay with me. i’ll do a little reading, a little planning, a little more writing, and i’ll be okay.  i’m happy about that.

the second was to sort out my thoughts about a lot of stuff going on in my life in gainesville. no crisis or anything–just uncomfortably muddled thinking about a few key things that i wanted to get straight. i have not been the strong person that i wanted. i have been caving to ridiculousness, and that’s something i knew only distance could cure.  i woke up this morning realizing that the apathy and “meh”ness that i had hoped to achieve about one particular situation has arrived. what a blessing!  i really don’t care much about what i was so worried about before, and i have way fiercer belief in my own worth since i’ve been here.  funny how home can both buoy you up and strip you down.  i think home this time has done both for me–and in the process i’ve realized that i’m stronger, more amazing, and more successful and grown-up than i thought i was.

i want to translate that into stronger, fiercer self-confidence when i get back. i have hope for that. i consider myself to be fiercely loyal to those that i love–it’s time that i was fiercely loyal to myself.

i’ve been spending my days taking care of my mom, who has been wicked sick for the last week.  i’ve been feeling not so great off and on, but this morning i woke up with the tell-tale sore throat. i’ll admit to being a little mad–i had plans for this week, including a day full of christmas shopping. but instead, i slept on the couch and watched ridiculous movies.  i basically refuse to get sick, though–this is the extent to which i will allow it to happen.  i have too much to do.  plus, i am BORED.  i need an occupation, or i shall run mad. 

i miss gainesville–more appropriately, i miss some people from gainesville–but i’ve never been so grateful for the respite that comes from home. now if everybody could just be healthy and i could have some fun, that would be awesome. 

there are no accidents, though. quiet and service is exactly what i needed to combat the chaos and selfishness i found in my gainesville life. 

it’s quite the christmas gift, honestly. 

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