procrastination, mighty procrastination

i should be reading the end of this article chronicling how the tourist literature of the 18th century contributed to the development of a kind of rabid tourism. i should be writing the annotated bibliography entry for it.  i should be cleaning my house in anticipation of a few high school juniors or seniors coming to stay with me.  i should be prepping for class tomorrow. i haven’t done the reading yet.

but i’m here, blogging, instead.

what’s new?

i wrote something last night that i had to rewrite three times before it got to be right-feeling to me.  i had planned it all out.  i even had the phrasing ready.

and then pffft.  nope.  not the right wording. i can’t explain it to anyone who hasn’t experienced it, but when you’re trying to say the right thing and you have a prayer in your heart, you gotta listen to the still, small voice.

i didn’t want to. i wanted to do it my way, to be selfish and articulate my concerns. because i really have them.

instead, i ended up being generous and understanding, with a dash of reticence that i think will be apparent to the person in question, because it’s pretty different.

i’ll tell you.  even though i’m glad that i did what i did, i grow tired at times of being generous and understanding. sometimes people should just show up–in every meaning of that term–and not rely on someone being generous all of the time.

but i digress.

i find it fascinating how, time after time, my best-laid plans are absolutely turned inside out by the Lord’s plans.  it was pretty clear to me last night that, for whatever reason, i absolutely had to take the high road. that’s what the Lord needed from me, and that’s what the person apparently needed as well.  i mean, i think i probably know why, but it doesn’t make it any easier on me.  me being magnanimous requires a lot of self-sacrifice.  apparently, that’s the Lord’s plan for me right now. or maybe He knows that i can do it, so i should.  i don’t know. but it wasn’t what i planned at all.

you’d think i’d learn.  that i’d stop making plans.  that i’d just roll with whatever He has in store for me.

but no. i keep on making the plans. keep on thinking i have a clue when it’s really clear i don’t.

funny.

i gotta get back to studying.  the internal clock to March keeps on ticking, reminding me that i have something like 14 books and 18 articles to read, dissect, and write about (not counting all of the fiction, poetry, and travel literature i have to read) before i can take my exams.

i think i’m going to have to learn how to operate without sleep.

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