Archive for February, 2007

why am i flashing back to high school?

Posted in dissertation, School on February 28, 2007 by drbolte

so the prospectus (version 3.0–which elicited a “brava!” from my director) and the reading list have been sent, via email, to the rest of the committee.

and now i’m having a john hughes moment, where all of my horribly awkward high school moments are all converging in these moments (and who knows how long they’ll be) of horrible anticipation.  will they like it? will they throw up a giant red flag?  will they say i should have been talking to them long before this because my project is crap?

or will they really like it? and me?

argh.  horrible what we go through for three little letters after our names.  is it worth it?

heck yes.  but it still sucks quite a lot in the process.

in other news, my progress has been deeply stifled. i don’t know what happened. i think, when i got up monday and finished the draft for my meeting with my director and felt good about it, my mind translated that into “ooh. we’re done.”

we’re so far from done.

but my body and my brain aren’t really cooperating me on that front.  they think we don’t need to work hard because exams aren’t until after spring break–but, ironically, the deadline for all the work to be DONE is only two days later.  apparently committees need two weeks to read annotated bibliographies.  sheesh.  don’t they drop everything for me?

so, in the spirit of full disclosure, i’m exactly where i was on saturday night–five books and three articles to read.   but my prospectus is DONE until i hear back from the committee and so is my reading list.  i need to read about walking, literature, and english culture, but all i want to do is sleep.

ugh.  no sleep.  must. keep. working.

i’m seriously waiting for the miracle, but in order for the miracle to happen, i have to start moving.  so, i’m off to put one foot in front of the other, metaphorically.

ha.  funny. i’m reading about walking and my metaphor is about…

oh. never mind.

countdown update

Posted in blogging, Church, School on February 24, 2007 by drbolte

in the 36 hours since i last wrote,  i have read and summarized in annotated bibliography fashion 6 academic articles (about 15-20 pages each, some of which i had read before but read completely again) and 1 full-size book (also that i had read before).

i rock.

no, actually, the Lord’s tender mercies rock. i have no idea how i did that, except that it’s a miracle.

but my brain is now dead. i worship sundays for the rest that they give me and my noggin.

i meet with my director on monday at 3:30 to see if she thinks i’m ready (enough) at this point to schedule oral exams. i am hoping that, since by monday afternoon, i will have (maybe) written annotations for the 19 of my 27 works and will have a completely brilliant and revised (for the third time) prospectus, she’ll give me the go ahead.

i’m excited now. i’m excited to finish. it must be how runners feel on the last lap–that digging deep, that reaching down and findng out what you’re really made of.

apparently, i’m made of the ability to read and write. that’s okay by me.

i’m actually really excited.

but, as i mentioned, my brain is a little dead right now. i had thought that i would study until 12, when the Sabbath begins, but i don’t think that’s going to happen.

so, instead, i’ll clean. it’s better than wasting time, which is what i do when my brain is dead.

hooray for me! hooray for sunday with no work! hooray for the opportunity to read something NOT about british romanticism! hooray for naps for as long as i want!

sigh.

wish me luck? i dive back in monday at like 4:30 a.m.

thanks.

counting down every single day…

Posted in blogging, Church, Life, School on February 23, 2007 by drbolte

two weeks.

fourteen days.

three hundred and thirty six hours.

twenty thousand, one hundred and sixty minutes.

one million, two hundred and nine thousand, six hundred seconds.

and i have to make every one of them count.

i’ve got two weeks until the day i want to take my PhD qualifying exams. i’ve really got less than that to finish all of my secondary source reading–really, i’ve got just about 10 days to read ten articles and six books. then i have another four days to read all of the primary sources (many of which i’ve read before, so that doesn’t scare me much).

you’re probably shaking your head at me, thinking “carrie, it’s just not going to happen.”

but, strangely, i think it is. regardless of whether or not i get to actually take my oral exam on that friday two weeks from now, i’m pretty sure i will be done with the written component. i just have this feeling.

i was really worried about it, really concerned that i had irreparably messed up my timeline when i got sick. then i found this scripture in mosiah 4:27, about how a man should not run faster than he has strength. it gave me great comfort, in that moment, to realize that i would be doing myself no good if i was to force myself to work when i was sick, because i would never get any better. it also helped me to realize that resting, when your body forces you to, is not a weakness, but a strength. to pace oneself, i believe, is one of the greatest skills we can learn in this life.

so i took about a week off, got rid of the horrible flu/cold that i had, and now i feel better, ready to work hard again. and i have been. yesterday, despite feeling as though i had probably wasted too much time, i accomplished the goal that i had set for myself. i sent my director prospectus 2.0, which she liked, and i finished a book and an annotation for that book. it seems as if the Lord has blessed me to be able to accomplish all that i need to accomplish despite needing to take that week off. that’s what i mean by “i have this feeling.” i have this feeling that this experience will be a miracle like the loaves and the fishes–where there seems to be scarcity, there will be plenty. what seems impossible will actually be possible. where there is weakness, there will be strength. where exhaustion seems to thwart my progress, energy will be given.

i just know it. it’s strange, but it gives me a confidence that i don’t think i had before.

i am moving, as imperceptible as it may at times seem, towards this enormous goal that i have. i’m not sure why these exams loom so large for me, or why i have attached to them this symbolic significance. it’s as if, somehow, my accomplishment of these goals, my passing of these exams, will be the defining mandate on my intelligence, on my worth. it’s a dangerous thing. but i tend to do it with every long term project–i did it with the masters’ thesis, and when that when horribly awry, i freaked out, took a week or so to wallow, and then got back to it. and what happened?
i wrote a freaking awesome thesis.

so i don’t know why this would be any different. i don’t know why i think there might be a chance that i won’t pass. i don’t know why i’m afraid of it.

but i am.

and i think that’s why i’m so singlemindedly focused on getting it done. i’m so tired of it hanging over my head and of being afraid of it that now i am just moving stoically forward, putting one metaphorical foot in front of the other, and refusing to quit until it’s done. my director may delay me, she may say i’m not ready yet, she may ask me for additional revisions (as she did even with prospectus 2.0–after saying that it was MUCH better), she may say i need to scrap something and go back to the drawing board.

but i refuse to give up. i refuse to get discouraged. i refuse to let anything stop me from taking this exam.

it must happen.

and it must happen soon.

in the meantime, i’m planning out my life to the very last second. i actually just spent a half an hour doing that. i printed out a weekly calendar, and i have not a moment over the next seventy-two hours that is not accounted for, whether in transit or showering or reading or copying articles or going to the grocery store or even cleaning. those are my favorites. instead of putting in a big block of time to clean my house, i have scheduled in cleaning BURSTS! (and that’s how they’re written in…as BURSTS!) as study breaks. i’m excited about that, actually. i’ll get stuff done, and i won’t get overwhelmed by it.

i can do it.

but the countdown has already begun, and this entry has taken me fifteen of my precious minutes.

no more to spare!

in case this was unclear…

Posted in blogging, etcetera on February 17, 2007 by drbolte

i welcome readers.  welcome! my blog is my little piece of the world, the place where i get to express my thoughts freely.

you are welcome to disagree with me.  you are welcome to even express that via comments–kindly and constructively. i’ve had people call me nuts before, tell me i’m overreacting, etc.  that’s fine.

but don’t condescend to me. don’t act as if you’re somehow better than me.  don’t snark at the fact that i blog.  it’s just uninteresting and i don’t need anything else or anyone else riding my case.  real life is stressful enough.

so, if you’d like to stick around, brava.  welcome.  just know that this is my house, and common decency says that you ought to demonstrate some manners when you’re here.

to the vast majority of the regular readers that i have–thanks for being supportive and kind and great sounding boards.  don’t think that this is directed at you–it’s not.  just a time for me to be a little bit clear about what will and won’t happen on this blog.

happy sunday!

my sleep rebellion

Posted in etcetera on February 16, 2007 by drbolte

i would write about something meaningful, but i don’t want to. i’m rebelling against that, against the fact that i really should be reading or sleeping right now…

so more meaningless fluff. indulge if you so choose on your own blog.

A-ACT YOUR AGE:  not hardly.  i am told i don’t look a day over 23, and i think i probably act about 23–except when my wisdom and great advice kicks in.

B-BOYFRIEND:  nope.  i wish!  i really think i’m ready right now.

C-CHORE YOU HATE:  dishes.  i really, really hate them.  it’s frustrating to me how they never end.
D-DAD’S NAME:   does it matter?  donald.
E-ESSENTIAL MAKE UP/TOILETRY ITEM:  makeup?  foundation, i guess, although i think lip gloss makes everything else look better because i have a good mouth.  toiletry? i love vanilla-scented lotion. anyone who knows me knows that.

F-FAVE ACTOR/ACTRESS:  actress? i don’t really have one.  actor? jimmy stewart. easy.

G-GOLD OR SILVER:  silver. always.  when i get married, i want a white gold ring because i dislike gold that much. i just look better in silver.

H-HOMETOWN:  raleigh, nc by way of bakersfield and los angeles, ca

I-INSTRUMENTS YOU PLAY: used to be the flute.

J-JOB TITLE:   instructor/teaching assistant/tutor

K-KIDS:   nope. i’d like to have five, though–with at least three boys.  and i’d like the boys first.

L-LIVING ARRANGEMENTS: by myself, at least until fall.

M-MOM’S NAME: susan.  she’s my hero.

N-# OF PEOPLE YOU’VE SLEPT WITH: 0. i say it loud and proud.

O-OVERNIGHT HOSPITAL STAYS:  also 0.

P-PHOBIA:  escalators. frogs in my house.

Q-QUOTE YOU LIKE:   “be who you are and say how you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

R-RELIGIOUS AFFILIATION:  lds.  i’m a mormon!

S-SIBLINGS: also 0.

T-TIME YOU WAKE UP: as late as possible.  it varies from day to day.

U – UNIQUE HABIT: hmm.  hard question.  i sort of have to put chapstick on before bed now.  is that unique?

V-VEGETABLE YOU REFUSE TO EAT: brussel sprouts.

W-WORST HABIT: procrastination.

X-X-RAYS YOU’VE HAD: dental (obviously).  hand.  knee. lungs (multiple times).  back, i think.  shoulders, maybe?

Y-YUMMY FOOD YOU MAKE:   bread.  i make good bread. i bake very well.

Z-ZODIAC SIGN:  libra.

enough of this ridiculousness.  i’m going to bed.

fragile

Posted in Life, The Single Life on February 15, 2007 by drbolte

so i’ve been sick all week.

i mean, really, really sick.   lay on the couch and moan sick. i think i covered this in my previous entry, so i’ll leave that alone.

but it’s been really, really interesting to me to realize how really fragile i can get.  i think i put off this aura of  impenetrability, of superwoman toughness–or so i’ve been told–but if anybody really knew how fragile i can get, how easy it is at certain times to really crack me, they’d be surprised.  i think, when i’m sick, it all just gets magnified–how much i love people, how much i depend on certain people, how hard it is for me to open up.

i sort of wish that people understood that more.  i think it would surprise some, but not others.

i also wish that i could force myself to be courageous enough to depend on more people more often.

maybe being sick is good for me every once in a while.

in other news…i am crazy obsessed with the new lost episodes. they make my brain hurt.  i love it.

and my love life is a great, vast desert.  which is okay, because i figure if someone like john the baptist was down with the desert, i can be too.

flatline

Posted in Church, Life, School on February 10, 2007 by drbolte

i’m brain dead.

i studied last night–read about 60 pages and took notes on them. i was feeling pretty good about myself, and really excited for the prospect of finishing the book today, the day i had set aside and dedicated as the day i would study all day.  the reading was going pretty quickly, i had found a comfortable spot on the couch with my legs thrown over the back of the couch that allowed space on my lap to both set the book and the notebook without having to defy gravity, and i was getting through the material well. i was understanding, making connections–it was a hopeful night.

towards the end of the night, i started sneezing and feeling yucky, but i thought it was some sort of strange allergy attack. i mean, i had been sick earlier in the week, but i had basically gotten rid of it.

or so i thought.

nope. one day of pizza and cinnamon rolls as my primary food groups and the cold is back, with a vengeance.

man.

i studied some this morning, but all i really want to do is lay on the couch and whine.  these are the days i miss my mom.

i kept thinking that maybe i would skip my training meeting tonight. it wasn’t a decision i had made, but just a thought. i mean, i feel puny.  it wouldn’t be a horrible thing.

but one word keeps coming to mind: consecration.  sometimes we have to consecrate our time and talents even when it’s inconvenient or uncomfortable. sometimes we just have to suck it up and do stuff because we know that it’s right.

so i’m going.  and i’ll be glad about it. i don’t begrudge it.  i know that i’ll be blessed.

but i would really like my mind to start working.  i need to study. i keep trying to get things done, and it’s like everything is standing in the way.

i would also like to stop having the compelling urge to eat brownies when i know i ought to be eating apples.  it’s very annoying. like couldn’t it just be a LITTLE easier to make good choices?

just a little?

huh. too bad i’ve never read it.

Posted in Uncategorized on February 9, 2007 by drbolte



You’re Catch-22!
by Joseph Heller
Incredibly witty and funny, you have a taste for irony in all that you
see. It seems that life has put you in perpetually untenable situations, and your sense
of humor is all that gets you through them. These experiences have also made you an
ardent pacifist, though you present your message with tongue sewn into cheek. You
could coin a phrase that replaces the word "paradox" for millions of
people.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

like a vulture

Posted in blogging, etcetera, Life on February 9, 2007 by drbolte

she hasn’t been dead more than 48 hours, and already the unfortunate limelight-loving family members of the deeply tragic anna nicole smith are circling the talk shows, claiming to know something about her life.

i find it deeply hilarious that a mother who wasn’t even claimed by the daughter she is supposedly mourning now would know anything whatsoever about her life for the past years.

i sometimes hate our culture, how in its clamor for “news” it allows the lowest common denominator of society to crawl out from their proverbial rocks and claim their 15 seconds of 24-hour-news-cycle fame.  it reminds me of that joke that’s been around as long as i have, asking why it is when there’s a tornado or a hurricane the only people featured on the news are those who seem to represent a particular facet of the population–usually the ignorant or, in the comedian’s words, the toothless woman in pink rollers.

don’t get me wrong. i am not equating toothless women in pink rollers with these vultures.  the toothless woman, for all i care, can be on the news as long as she wants. if she has something legitimate to offer, and she’s not getting anything out of it, more power to her.

but this mother…boy.  it just makes my blood boil.

in other news, apparently my blog is so interesting that it’s getting emailed to somebody.

can i tell you how much that freaks me out?

i am such a walking contradiction. i wanted the blog to take off, but all of the sudden i’m realizing that i’m on blogrolls all over the place and didn’t even realize it.  i am becoming popular…even in the blog world.

surreal weirdness.

don’t people GET that i’m a total dork?!?

more information than you could possibly have wanted to know…

Posted in blogging, etcetera on February 9, 2007 by drbolte

…and if you have a blog, i dare you to do it yourself. i am currently at work, bored but unwilling to begin studying when i’m leaving in an hour. so, instead, i’ll entertain myself (and maybe you…) with 135 questions that i’m going answer.

1. Do you like having your picture taken?

sometimes. mainly now, yes, but i always reserve the right to approve or disapprove the photo. i love the digital world.

2. Have you ever done a photo shoot, professional or non?

yeah. senior year. it was fun. i’d like to do it again.

3. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?

england. paris. italy. i would go to england because, honestly, i’d really love to be able to see all of the places i’ve only read about. paris–because it’s cool. italy? because i’ve always wanted to go to florence and to see all of the marvelous art.

4. Who would you take with you on this adventure?

ooh. tough question. um, i’d like to say my mom, but she’ll tell you she’s a terrible traveler. i would say my best friend to italy, because he’s been there before. paris and england? probably some girl friends.

all of this would be trumped if i could find a man interested in marrying me. 🙂 i would definitely take him.

5. What would you say is the most daring thing to do in a lifetime?

live life without regrets. do what’s risky and say how you feel so that you don’t have to look back and wish you had. that, i think, is that hardest and boldest way to live.

6. Would you ever do that?

i have been trying. i’m still working on it.

7. Have you ever done crossword puzzles?

heck yes.

8. Ever actually completed one?

<>heck yes. more often than not.

<> 9. Pick up the closest book and write a sentence at random from it.

<>”when we look at country houses today we are struck, not by the spectacle of bare ruined choirs, but by all the signs of a lively and resilient industry.” _the englishman’s england_ pg. 59

10. Do the same with either a CD or a lyric from the radio.

i don’t have access to those here, so the song in my head will have to do. “i’m holding on to my father’s love and my mother’s faith in God above.”

11. Have you ever tried to analyze your own dreams?

heck yes. i have a dream dictionary site’s address memorized for that precise reason. it can help. i’m also a fan of freud’s philosophy of the dream work.
12. Would you put up posters in your room?

sure. i have a few van gogh posters.
13. Can you sing?
yes.

14. Do you ever sing to yourself while doing every day tasks?

yes. frequently. why? is that weird?

15. What’s your favorite color of post-it note?

the deep blue ones.

16. How many cassette tapes do you own?

a few, i suppose–holdovers from pre-CD world.

17. How many CDs do you own?

i would say about 70. that’s just a guesstimate.

18. Ever bought a CD just for one song?

yes, and it bit me in the butt. terribly crude, the rest of the songs. threw the cd away.

19. What would your perfect day consist of?

wow. hard question. i think it would be spending time with the people who love me the most and understand me, laughing and doing silly things like going to movies or playing on the swings. a day without stress and a day where there’s complete freedom to be exactly who you are.

20. Have you ever lied to get off the phone or out of talking to someone online?

lied? i don’t think so.

21. Have you ever written a survey?

yes, actually.

22. How about a song? If so, share it.

nope.

23. Or maybe a poem? If so share it or one of them.

yes, but no way. they’re old, angsty girl poems. and they’re all at home.

24. Is your VCR flashing 12:00 all the time?

uhm, no. my clock is set.

25. Do you read your horoscope?

sometimes.

26. If so do you base your day on it?

no.

27. Would you rather chew gum or use mouthwash, and why?

chew gum. mouthwash…i don’t know. it’s creepy a little.

28. Do you floss?

not as often as i should. i heard someone compare flossing to dusting. i think i do it about as often as i dust. it’s bad, i know. whatever.

29. Are you addicted to Napster like me?

uhm, no. (how old IS this thing?!?)

30. How many times a year (about) are you sick?

twice.

31. Ever been in an airplane?

yes. numerous times.

32. If so, where were you flying to?

most recently? new york city.

33. What radio station do you listen to most?

i am a surfer. there is no most often with me.

34. What color are your shoes?

green.

35. Was Fuzzy Wuzzy a bear?

sure. a bald bear, but a bear. just in the midst of an identity crisis, that’s all.

36. Do you know how to play Dominos?

not really, unless by play you mean line them up and knock them down.

37. Or do you think I just mean pizza by that?

no, i’m not an idiot. thank you very much.

38. Speaking of pizza, what’s your favorite kind?

frozen: digiorno. they have the best sauce.

fresh: papa john’s barbeque chicken pizza with pineapple. oh so very yummy.

39. What color are your eyes?

hazel. green when i cry.

40. How many surveys have you filled out this lifetime?

pfft. who knows. too many.

41. Describe your bedroom. Include all details.

that’s creepy. it has a bed and too many bookshelves. my nightstand is overflowing with books. other details? no chance.

42. Name one person your life is made better by.

too many to name just one. if you know me in person and aren’t routinely rude and/or inconsiderate (i can think of a few here…), you make my life better.

43. Would you or have you ever shaved your head?

shaved half my head. would/will shave my head if i ever have to have chemo. i’m not a big believer in just letting it all fall out. forget that. i’m taking control.

44. How about someone else’s?

this is one of the things that i really, really want to do. is that weird?

45. Can you do math with ease?

pfft. no.

46. What size is your computer screen?

like 15 inches? i don’t know.

47. If you could only talk to one person online who would it be?

too hard. right now? like, people available to talk right now? probably my friend laura. our online conversations have been really important to me. but i rarely have frivolous online conversations. they’re all fun and important to me.

48. Name your favorite type of music and why?

i am too eclectic to have a favorite. right now, alternative is the leader.

49. Are you a vegetarian?

no. carrie likes the meat.

50. How about an aspiring actor/actress?

no. i already feel bad enough about myself. why would i want 50 million people critiquing every aspect of my life and behavior?

51. What famous person, dead or alive, would you interview if you had the chance?

non-religious? jane austen.

religious (besides the Savior?): mary the mother of jesus.

52. Which movie can you watch and say the lines along with the actors?

clue. steel magnolias.

53. Name one of your passions in life.

reading.

54. What is your least favorite time of day?

early morning.

55. Who is your favorite member in a band (singer, guitar, bass, drummer…) and why?

i like jon bonjovi. he’s pretty.

56. Do you use hairspray or gel?

both, when necessary.

57. Describe your favorite meal.

ribs and chicken at outback, with my mom.

58. What color is the inside of your head when you close your eyes?

uhm, black? i don’t understand this question.

59. Ever listen to classical music?

bah. only when i have to. well, that’s not true. but i rarely like classical. it usually puts me to sleep.

60. Have you ever said LOL in real life without thinking about it?

no. i like real words.

61. Do you find you use Internet language when writing notes IRL?

no. see above comment about words.

62. What songs would be on your ideal CD?

pour some sugar on me by def leppard

at last by etta james

you’re not alone by michael mclean

it ends tonight by all american rejects

heroin by something corporate

my wish by rascall flatts

irreplaceable by beyonce

want to by sugarland

don’t take the girl by tim mcgraw

dead or alive by bonjovi

welcome to the jungle by guns n roses

all my life by k-ci and jo jo

come thou fount of every blessing by ?

63. Say one thing you learned today.

i am smarter than i think i am when talking to students. and i use big words without noticing.

64. What is the best present you’ve ever given someone else?

the stuff i’ve made–scrapbook, crossstitch, letter packet

65. What is the best present someone else has ever given you?

wow. hard question. too hard.

66. So hey, what’s your full name?

no chance.

67. Describe yourself while drunk.

never been. never will be, so can’t answer this.

68. How big are the windows in your house?

small, and in the singular. i have one window in my tiny apartment. i guess it’s pretty large considering.

69. Do you wear a watch?

not routinely.

70. What’s the kinkiest thing you’ve ever done with someone else?

nothing…me and kinky don’t go together.

71. What’s the largest age difference between you and someone you’ve dated?

i believe age difference invigorates. i like age difference.

72. How many mirrors do you have?

i don’t know. like three?

73. Write one sentence you want people to say about you once you’ve passed on.

she made me feel loved and i loved her.

74. Have you ever sailed?

no.

75. How fast can you run?

not fast. never have been able to run fast. talk fast? yes. run fast? no. we all have our gifts.

76. What do you believe in?

the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. the power of a smile. the reality of Heavenly Father’s hand in my life, directing it. true love. friendship that can transcend any obstacle, any distance, any difference. sometimes, myself. most of the time, other people.
77. How long does it take you to get ready to go out?

depends on what i’m doing. anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour.

78. Do you shower daily?

usually.

79. What one thing would you change in your life if you had the power to do so?

deep answer: i would believe in myself more, recognizing that what other people see and love is really there.

shallow answer: i would lose weight easier and without so much effort.

80. Describe the ideal superpower and what you would do if you had it.

ideal superpower? i think teleporting. i would go home whenever i needed to and still have a life here. i could go anywhere in a minute. it would be awesome.

81. Are candles romantic or a fire hazard?

romantic, unless you’re stressed and go out leaving them burning.

82. Name something you’ve done in the last 24 hours, no matter how big or small.

i finished a book for my dissertation. i did the dishes. i tutored five people.

83. Do you wear necklaces/bracelets/anklets/earrings/rings?

i always wear a CTR ring on my right hand. i’m almost always wearing earrings. necklaces, not always but sometmes.

84. What colors are you wearing right now?

black and white and blue stripes, denim, and black. green shoes.

85. How often do you change the sheets on your bed?

depends on the laundry schedule.

86. Have you ever gotten lost? If so, explain.

heck yes. i got lost in the ghettos of durham, nc one late night. no fun. i think we’ve all gotten metaphorically lost as well. there were a few months when i really didn’t know what to do with my life. they were no fun at all. never felt so helpless or so without direction.

87. What’s on your computer desk?

everything known to man. it is a heaping pile of chaos that resembles my life.

88. How many folders are on your desktop at the present moment?

five, i think.

89. When you’re talking do you ever use your hands in the air to do quotation marks of certain words?

sometimes. not often.

90. Which landmark would you climb if you could?

eiffel tower. that one’s easy.

91. Do you own or have you read or thought of reading any self help books?

sure.

92. Ever seriously questioned your sanity?

no. not really.

93. Can you break-dance?

no.

94. What’s in your fridge right now?

some leftovers that need to be thrown away. a bunch of sliced turkey. bread. milk. eggs. some fruit. a whole bunch of condiments. carrots. some more leftovers that could be eaten, actually. yogurt. pudding.

95. How many people do you live with?

just me.

96. Have you or would you ever do anything more than kiss in a public area?

no. that’s just nasty.

97. What is the strangest thing you’ve ever done?

i don’t know. if i did it, why would it be strange to me?

98. Name an instrument you’ve never played but would like to.

drums. that one’s easy. the girl drummers were always the cool ones.

99. Have you ever been on TV or the radio?

both.

100. What is the worst thing anyone could ever do to you?

make me open up to them, completely, and then betray that.

101. Are you a fast typer?

heck yes.

102. How high have you counted before getting bored?

100?

103. Describe how you sleep.

i can’t fall asleep unless i’m on my back. i’m not sure why. after that, it’s a free for all. i tend to kick off my covers and move around a lot.

104. Are you straight/bi/gay?

completely straight.

105. Do you ever do something else while on the computer? If so, what?

i’m often watching tv. sometimes talking on the phone.

106. What is the most expensive item you own?

outright? my computer. in process? my car.

107. How about the least expensive?

oh wow. i don’t know. the clothes i got for free, i guess?

108. What’s your favorite card game to play?

mafia, followed by gin, i guess.

109. What do you do online?

research. facebook. email. blog. sometimes shop (amazon and i are on good terms).

110. Name some stores you’ve bought clothes in before.

the gap. old navy. jcpenney. i shop where the sales are.

111. Have you ever read a book and not understood it? If so, which one?

sure. i will draw your attention to any book written by michel foucault.

112. Have you ever watched a movie and not understood it? If so, which one?

that happens less often. sometimes i don’t understand how they could have ever been made, but that’s different.

113. Do you think people pick up your slang language more than you pick up theirs?

not a chance. i am a language mooch.

114. Are you easily influenced by other people or current trends?

that’s a hard one. i like keeping up with trends, but i rarely follow them without thinking it through. so, easily influenced? maybe?

115. What makes you unique (in your own opinion)?

i have a phenomenal sense of humor (and can laugh at myself) and a strange combination of sassiness and vulnerability.

116. Name your worst quality.

jealous insecurity.

117. Name your best.

i love with my whole heart. i do everything with my whole heart.

118. What would you like to do with your life?

finish my doctorate. be a professor. be a wife and a mom. that’s not necessarily in order.

119. Do you blow-dry your hair?

yes.

120. How many clocks are in your house?

three?

121. Are they all set at the same time?

no. not at all.

122. Have you ever intentionally set a clock ahead or behind the correct time?

yes. my alarm clock is ahead 15 minutes.

123. What do you think about when you first wake up in the morning?

usually, how late i am.

124. Which browser do you use?

mozilla.

125. Do you bite your nails?

occasionally.

126. Would you ever leave little notes to your gf/bf?

sure. isn’t that what facebook walls and text messages are? but, yeah, i’d do it with real paper too. i’m a note person.

127. Ever been to a farm?

sure.

128. Tell me about your dream last night.

one of the scariest professors in my department was picking apart my dissertation. and she’s not even on my committee.

anxiety dream, anyone?

129. Ever seen a shooting star?

yes! so cool!

130. Say one thing about yourself you’ve never told anyone.

i don’t know that there’s anything that i haven’t told ANYONE.

131. Do your days fly by or seem to last forever?

depends on the day. fridays seem to go on forever because i work. some days fly by.

132. Are things as bad as they seem?not at all. thanks for reminding me of that.

133. Describe the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you.

wow. mainly, it’s been the random acts of kindness or unexpected love that have really impacted me the most. my best friend did a few things before he left that were pretty amazing, demonstrating how important i was. on days when no one knew how lame i felt, people will say the most extraordinarily kind things to me. sometimes it’s just people noticing that i’m stressed or having a bad day that matter.

mainly, people just following the Spirit and caring are the kindest things that have been done for me.

134. Who do you miss?

this depends on the day. my family, especially my mom, a lot. my best friend, a ton and a half, especially when i’m stressed out. my grandma a lot too–but that separation will be for a lot longer

135. Say something else about yourself you’ve never told anyone before.

well, i guess it matters to me whether or not my blog is popular, but i’m also really frightened about who’s reading this. i have no idea, and that scares me a little that some people that i think DON’T know me actually do.

or that i am more transparent than i seem.