flatline

i’m brain dead.

i studied last night–read about 60 pages and took notes on them. i was feeling pretty good about myself, and really excited for the prospect of finishing the book today, the day i had set aside and dedicated as the day i would study all day.  the reading was going pretty quickly, i had found a comfortable spot on the couch with my legs thrown over the back of the couch that allowed space on my lap to both set the book and the notebook without having to defy gravity, and i was getting through the material well. i was understanding, making connections–it was a hopeful night.

towards the end of the night, i started sneezing and feeling yucky, but i thought it was some sort of strange allergy attack. i mean, i had been sick earlier in the week, but i had basically gotten rid of it.

or so i thought.

nope. one day of pizza and cinnamon rolls as my primary food groups and the cold is back, with a vengeance.

man.

i studied some this morning, but all i really want to do is lay on the couch and whine.  these are the days i miss my mom.

i kept thinking that maybe i would skip my training meeting tonight. it wasn’t a decision i had made, but just a thought. i mean, i feel puny.  it wouldn’t be a horrible thing.

but one word keeps coming to mind: consecration.  sometimes we have to consecrate our time and talents even when it’s inconvenient or uncomfortable. sometimes we just have to suck it up and do stuff because we know that it’s right.

so i’m going.  and i’ll be glad about it. i don’t begrudge it.  i know that i’ll be blessed.

but i would really like my mind to start working.  i need to study. i keep trying to get things done, and it’s like everything is standing in the way.

i would also like to stop having the compelling urge to eat brownies when i know i ought to be eating apples.  it’s very annoying. like couldn’t it just be a LITTLE easier to make good choices?

just a little?

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