fragile

so i’ve been sick all week.

i mean, really, really sick.   lay on the couch and moan sick. i think i covered this in my previous entry, so i’ll leave that alone.

but it’s been really, really interesting to me to realize how really fragile i can get.  i think i put off this aura of  impenetrability, of superwoman toughness–or so i’ve been told–but if anybody really knew how fragile i can get, how easy it is at certain times to really crack me, they’d be surprised.  i think, when i’m sick, it all just gets magnified–how much i love people, how much i depend on certain people, how hard it is for me to open up.

i sort of wish that people understood that more.  i think it would surprise some, but not others.

i also wish that i could force myself to be courageous enough to depend on more people more often.

maybe being sick is good for me every once in a while.

in other news…i am crazy obsessed with the new lost episodes. they make my brain hurt.  i love it.

and my love life is a great, vast desert.  which is okay, because i figure if someone like john the baptist was down with the desert, i can be too.

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