loophole

so i have been annoyed over the past week or so.  at what makes little difference, but the point is that i really have no right to be annoyed.  it’s not the first time i’ve been annoyed at this situation, and it certainly won’t be the last, but i realized last night that to choose to be annoyed and to feel taken for granted is the wrong choice. one that i will be accountable for if i let it fester.

so now i’m trying to figure out how to get over it.

it’s not as easy as it might seem.  which also, ironically or not, annoys me.

i figure we ought to be able to simply choose to either feel something or not feel something.  you know, flip the switch when our agency deems it necessary. i don’t think that’s asking too much, nor do i think it’s a complicated solution.  they’re my feelings. i ought to be able to reason my way out of them. simply decide that i will no longer feel as if i am repeating a cycle of bad choices. no longer feel like i am putting myself out there for no good reason.

<>too bad that doesn’t work, huh? it never does.  not alone anyways.

<>instead, i get to learn from the experience, try to figure out what’s really going on and why i’m really feeling like i’m of little worth to anyone, and muddle through.

<>that sucks.

<>in other news, i am so done with this semester that i could scream.  truly.  i will herald the death of this semester of stress and turmoil with a dance and a song and perhaps some housecleaning.

i truly don’t understand how my life is so busy all of the time. what am i DOING with all of my time?  perhaps this is why i look so forward to the week after next–classes will be over. grades will be in.  people will be GONE, home visiting or home for the summer.  life will be still and glorious and full of me being productive (and quite possibly tan!).  it will be lovely.

one more week.

can i make it?

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