i seem to have lost all motivation for much of anything.  i try to get some enthusiasm, i get a shred, and then it’s lost in this overwhelming sense of blah.  i’m not sure if it’s habit at this point–i have spent the last three weeks doing absolutely nothing (punctuated by frantic bits of activity)–or what but it’s annoying.

i have grand goals and plans for this summer–i really do.  right now, though, i’m just not sure if i can get them done.  it feels nearly impossible.

and, per usual, i am returning from my summer hiatus (brief as it was this time) with trepidation. i always wonder if i’ll still have a place, if life will have moved on without me, when i return.  i always wonder if i’ll have reentry problems, to borrow a term.  it may seem stupid to those of you reading this, but i’m always nervous. it doesn’t help that an hour after i return, i’m going to the bishop’s party.  we’ll see how it goes.

but, to be honest, i’m lethargic about my social life too.  there are certain things i wonder, certain things i’d like to figure out, about this summer, but i have no will to make them happen right now. i a little bit don’t care what anybody thinks of me or whether people like me. 

could i actually be approaching antisocial?

this is not good.  it’s so not me.

maybe it’s just a phase. i think i’ll know tomorrow, when i roll up to the memorial day festivities.  we’ll see how it goes.

stay tuned.

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