well, it’s official

i’ve reached an antisocial state.

i can only think that this is because i have been gone and some of my friends are gone and there are all of these new people and because i am not relief society president anymore, i don’t compel myself to go meet people.

i need to do it anyways, but i don’t know what’s wrong with me.

it’s like i’m suddenly shy. actually, tonight in institute, brother jansen made a joke about me being bashful. it normally would be a joke, but lately…not so much.

for some reason i feel not confident or comfortable here. i’m sure i’ll get used to it again once i settle back in, but it still all feels very foreign to me. and i’m not sure how much energy i have to force myself into having fun.

making my own fun is difficult.

and, honestly, there’s really a part of me that’s screaming “nobody wants to hang out with you anyways, so what the heck does it matter?!?”


the whole arranged marriage thing is really looking attractive. i wish i could just look at a guy’s resume and be like “yeah, you’re great.  how about we just get married and be happy forever?”  because i think it could happen.  maybe that’s my silly thinking, but maybe not.  of course, he’d have to look at my resume and think the same thing–and i guess that’s really the problem, isn’t it?

ugh.  this is going nowhere. feel free to comment–on antisocial behavior, on gville in the summertime, on change and how it throws you for a loop that’s hard to recover from, on how ridiculous i am being and how i need to suck it up…whatever.  i’m up for it.

One Response to “well, it’s official”

  1. a few comments for this one:

    1. I would definitely help you make fun if I was there =). . .

    2. The problem isn’t guys not liking your resume – the problem is guys don’t look at resumes . . . They prefer “picture books” =)

    3. I lied – I only had a couple of comments . . . haha

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