Archive for June, 2007

Posted in etcetera, me on June 28, 2007 by drbolte

Lest I be construed as a plagiarizer (despite the fact that this song hit the Top 10 and was featured on Oprah at least three times–see comments), this is a song made famous by Faith Hill and written by Lori McKenna.  Sheesh. Give me a break, huh? 

Before you met me I was a fairy princess
I caught frogs and called them prince
And made myself a queen
And before you knew me I’d traveled ’round the world
And I slept in castles
And fell in love
Because I was taught to dream

I found mayonnaise bottles and poked holes on top
To capture Tinker Bell
And they were just fireflies to the untrained eye
But I could always tell

Cause I believe in fairy tales
And dreamer’s dreams
Like bedsheet sails
And I believe in Peter Pan
And miracles, anything I can to get by
And fireflies

Now before I grew up I saw you on a cloud
And I could bless myself in your name
And pat you on your wings
And before I grew up I heard you whisper so loud
Well life is hard and so is love
Child, believe in all these things

I found mayonnaise bottles and poked holes on top
To capture Tinker Bell
And they were just fireflies to the untrained eye
But I could always tell

Cause I believe in fairy tales
And dreamer’s dreams
Like bedsheet sails
And I believe in Peter Pan
And miracles, anything I can to get by . . .
And fireflies
And fireflies . . .

Before you met me I was a fairy princess
I caught frogs and called them prince
And made myself a queen
And before you knew me I’d traveled ’round the world
And I slept in castles
And fell in love
Because I was taught to dream

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ridiculously fabulous week so far

Posted in friends, Life, me on June 27, 2007 by drbolte

beach without getting horribly burned and with some nice color in my cheeks.

turtle cheesecake from the cheesecake factory.

spending time with some amazing kids.

being told that i was like another sister to someone who i really, really liked at first meeting.

working in the temple.

it’s been a great week so far.

i’m really tired, though.

 
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
 
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
 
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
 

maybe

Posted in Life on June 20, 2007 by drbolte

i didn’t write it…but i hope to embrace it.

  • Maybe…we were supposed to meet the wrong people before meeting the right one so that, when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.
  • Maybe…when the door of happiness closes, another opens; but, oftentimes, we look so long at the closed door that we don’t even see the new one which has been opened for us.
  • Maybe…it is true that we don’t know what we have until we lose it, but it is also true that we don’t know what we have been missing until it arrives.
  • Maybe…the happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
  • Maybe…the brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; after all, you can’t go on successfully in life until you let go of your past mistakes, failures and heartaches.
  • Maybe…you should dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you dream of and want to do.
  • Maybe…there are moments in life when you miss someone — a parent, a spouse, a friend, a child — so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real, so that once they are around you appreciate them more.
  • Maybe…the best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you’ve ever had.
  • Maybe…you should always try to put yourself in others’ shoes. If you feel that something could hurt you, it probably will hurt the other person, too.
  • Maybe…you should do something nice for someone every single day, even if it is simply to leave them alone.
  • Maybe…giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. Don’t expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart; but, if it doesn’t, be content that it grew in yours.
  • Maybe…happiness waits for all those who cry, all those who hurt, all those who have searched, and all those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of all the people who have touched their lives.
  • Maybe…you shouldn’t go for looks, because they can deceive, or for wealth, because even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile, because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.
  • Maybe…you should hope for enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, and enough hope to make you happy.

long time no see

Posted in dissertation, friends, Life, me on June 20, 2007 by drbolte

i haven’t written in a while.

not sure why. things aren’t bad.  they aren’t roses and ticker tape parades either, but i’m pretty happy.  the past week or so has been interesting. i’m feeling much less detached than i was, and that’s good.  i’m feeling much more excited about july.  i went through a period of minor freak out about all i had to get done, but i’m feeling good now, ready to work.

i packed six boxes last night. that was fun.  the books are always the first things to go.  i know which books i’ll need and the others? first casualties to the u-haul box gods.  i like the stack that’s accumulating.  i think most people think i’m a little nuts to start packing this early, but they don’t understand how very much stuff i have to go through in other areas of my house (my desk and my closet frighten me) and how much cleaning i have to do in addition to planning all of my daily ENC 1101 classes, keeping up with grading, having a social life, and being out of town at least one of the weekends in july.  oh, and that’s not even counting the dissertation chapter that i have due on august 23rd.

i’ll be lucky if i get it all done. so it’s a good sign that i’m starting this early.  plus, there’s something very therapeutic about doing menial labor.  packing boxes helps me separate my thought processes from the higher-level thinking (what’s percolating in there right now? how do i account of the lingering specter of empire in jane austen’s fiction if i’m saying that she valorizes the sailors who come home and contribute to the development of the middle class?) so that it can stew.  i have to let it stew for a while before anything brilliant occurs.  i also think pressure has something to do with it too–i have to get closer to the deadline before i can really get much done.

the past few weeks have been interesting.  i was brave, didn’t get what i wanted, but didn’t die from it either.  that was new.  i have made some very interesting new friends.  i find that fascinating and other worldly.  i stuck up for myself, got angry, ate crow, and am still waiting to find out how that situation ends up, but i’m not freaked out about that either.

i am, however, going through a bit of a skeptical phase.  perhaps it’s my defensive armor up once again, but i am looking at people askance once more, not sure how to receive them or their comments.  i think i might be playing right now.  not playing at life but for the most part playing on a superficial field right now.

perhaps my heart, like my brain, needs a bit of a rest.

plus, flirting is fun. i have gotten out of practice.

in other news, i am considering sewing a duvet cover for my new bedroom.  i am thinking of doing it in some crazy bold geometric print or something wild.  i don’t know.  it might have to wait until after i move. perhaps after i get the dissertation chapter out of the way, sewing for days on end can be my reward.  ooh. that sounds like good fun.

i’ll blink and july will be gone.  it’s frightening how quickly time passes.

better get packing.

anger

Posted in friends, Life, me on June 13, 2007 by drbolte

there’s something really therapeutic about anger every once in a while. it feels detoxifying, especially when i speak up for myself. and today i did.

i yelled.

well, in text, because that was the medium available to me.

SO THE YELLING LOOKED A LITTLE SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

and i just laid it out there.

there is something truly liberating about standing up for yourself.  i don’t know what it is.  i don’t know if it’s that i never did it before–which is true–or that just the act itself is so empowering.  i really didn’t ever stand up for myself when i was younger.  i think some people are born with the ability to put themselves first and some people have to learn how to do it when it’s appropriate. i skew towards the martyr role–i will give and give and give and certainly wish and expect things in return (not that that’s why you give, but you know…) but when it doesn’t happen, or i feel taken advantage of, i wouldn’t necessarily say anything.

no more.

now, i speak up. now, i tell it like it is.  and most of the time, i feel right about it.

today i did.  no regrets.  i don’t know how it was received.  i’m not sure i care. all i know is that it needed to be said.  and i was the one who needed to say it.

and now i can move on.

it’s amazing how awesome that feeling is.

right and left

Posted in friends, Life, me, The Single Life, yet another reason why i don't understand men on June 12, 2007 by drbolte

i am just ticking people off right and left lately–without even intending to do so.  i have no idea why, but for some reason my good intentions end up being construed as either nosyness (i don’t know how to spell that…i’ll admit it) or me being snarky or obnoxious when i’m really only kidding.

so i’m thinking, for a while, i ought to just give up. i feel myself withdrawing a little into a shell of defensiveness.  i don’t like that feeling.  i had been feeling so confident, so much surer of my own worth, which was good because there have been a few things that have happened in the past few days that could have really sent me into a funk.  but, gratefully, i have not gone there.  but still–i don’t like being willfully misunderstood. and that’s what i feel like right now.

it’s frustrating.  part of me wants to explain and part of me wants to just be “whatever. do what you want. think what you want. and if you think that of me, then you can’t possibly know me at all.”

which is sad when it’s supposed to be your friends, you know?

grr.  talking about this just makes me angrier.  gonna go do some deep breathing and yoga and hope that all the blood rushing to my head will inspire some wisdom.

BAH!

part 4

Posted in Life, me on June 10, 2007 by drbolte

last installment.

76.    the word amazing when it’s applied to me—and i know it is not an empty compliment.

77.    the song “when you say nothing at all.”

78.    laundry day–after everything is done.

79.    serving enough to abandon selfishness.

80.    text messages, especially the unexpected ones.

81.    crossstitching.

82.    the sound of a silent library and the awe that it fills me with.

83.    getting the mail on alternating Thursdays or Fridays.

84.    baby animals in springtime. cliché, but true, especially when i drive by them in the fields.

85.    cherry pull and peel twizzlers.

86.    sand between my toes.

87.    the Rocky Mountains.

88.    jane austen novels. all of them.  there aren’t enough of them.

89.    cranium.

90.    trusting people. it’s not easy for me, so when i get there, it means something big.

91.    being someone trustworthy.

92.    the seemingly eternal search for the perfect purse. it must be how hunters feel.

93.    barbeques and all that comes with them—friends, family, burnt hot dogs, paper plates, everything.

94.    hope.

95.    little kids and everything that goes with them.

96.    lists like these. i learn a lot about myself.

97.    my best friend—and everything that he has taught me and all the ways that i am better for knowing him.

98.    adventures of my own creation, especially when it involves travel.

99.    redecorating, inspired by long hours of inspiring HGTV watching.

100.     my life.  even when i complain, i am a really lucky girl.