long time no see

i haven’t written in a while.

not sure why. things aren’t bad.  they aren’t roses and ticker tape parades either, but i’m pretty happy.  the past week or so has been interesting. i’m feeling much less detached than i was, and that’s good.  i’m feeling much more excited about july.  i went through a period of minor freak out about all i had to get done, but i’m feeling good now, ready to work.

i packed six boxes last night. that was fun.  the books are always the first things to go.  i know which books i’ll need and the others? first casualties to the u-haul box gods.  i like the stack that’s accumulating.  i think most people think i’m a little nuts to start packing this early, but they don’t understand how very much stuff i have to go through in other areas of my house (my desk and my closet frighten me) and how much cleaning i have to do in addition to planning all of my daily ENC 1101 classes, keeping up with grading, having a social life, and being out of town at least one of the weekends in july.  oh, and that’s not even counting the dissertation chapter that i have due on august 23rd.

i’ll be lucky if i get it all done. so it’s a good sign that i’m starting this early.  plus, there’s something very therapeutic about doing menial labor.  packing boxes helps me separate my thought processes from the higher-level thinking (what’s percolating in there right now? how do i account of the lingering specter of empire in jane austen’s fiction if i’m saying that she valorizes the sailors who come home and contribute to the development of the middle class?) so that it can stew.  i have to let it stew for a while before anything brilliant occurs.  i also think pressure has something to do with it too–i have to get closer to the deadline before i can really get much done.

the past few weeks have been interesting.  i was brave, didn’t get what i wanted, but didn’t die from it either.  that was new.  i have made some very interesting new friends.  i find that fascinating and other worldly.  i stuck up for myself, got angry, ate crow, and am still waiting to find out how that situation ends up, but i’m not freaked out about that either.

i am, however, going through a bit of a skeptical phase.  perhaps it’s my defensive armor up once again, but i am looking at people askance once more, not sure how to receive them or their comments.  i think i might be playing right now.  not playing at life but for the most part playing on a superficial field right now.

perhaps my heart, like my brain, needs a bit of a rest.

plus, flirting is fun. i have gotten out of practice.

in other news, i am considering sewing a duvet cover for my new bedroom.  i am thinking of doing it in some crazy bold geometric print or something wild.  i don’t know.  it might have to wait until after i move. perhaps after i get the dissertation chapter out of the way, sewing for days on end can be my reward.  ooh. that sounds like good fun.

i’ll blink and july will be gone.  it’s frightening how quickly time passes.

better get packing.

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One Response to “long time no see”

  1. Sapphire Says:

    last summer, whenever I’d get really upset about something, I’d just sit on my floor and go through my old school stuff and personal trinket randomness boxes (I’m a terrible packrat) and separate what I needed to keep, what I needed to take, what needed to be tossed…I’d sort and pack and trash and it was very soothing. I’ve always found cleaning and organizing piles of randomness to do that for me.

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