“i had to stop her screaming!”

do you know Clue?

i don’t mean the board game, you lightweights. i mean the amazing tim curry, madeline kahn, et al film of the mid 80s that adapted the board game.

if you don’t know this, be ashamed. and then netflix it. because, really, it’s so hilarious.

i am, however, not simply writing an ode to the brilliance of Martin Mull’s Colonel Mustard (although his mommy and daddy line gets me every single time).  i am using it as a segue into something that seemed horrible when i woke up this morning but that, as i get longer into the day and think more about it, now seems like a great blessing…that’s not even in much disguise anymore.

so, life pretty much slapped me in the face this morning.

it wasn’t life-altering. just hurtful. it was something i would have never done…not in one million years…to someone else, especially not a friend.  so it felt like a slap–literally. an emotional slap. i’m pretty sure i even felt nauseous afterwards.

the morning was full of figuring out what to do next.

the details aren’t important.

what’s important, though, is the way that that slap has turned from a horrifying moment into a smack back into reality.

see, the supersassy carrie, the one who believed in herself and was sure of her own amazingness, the one with her priorities right and whose desire is only to serve Heavenly Father and who’s strong enough and focused enough to do it, has been AWOL lately, replaced with someone who worried a lot, fretted more, and basically felt like life was one big school where she was barely passing.

you ever have days…weeks…months like that?

i’m grateful for the lessons. really, i am. i know more about myself now than i did three months ago. i am farther along in my progression than i have been in a good long while.

basically, i feel READY for things now that i didn’t feel ready for before.

(gosh that was a convoluted sentence. i hope it translates.)

back to clue.

mr. green, when mrs. peacock is screaming about something or other–basically, she’s gone loopy–smacks the daylights out of her.

it shocks her.

and she returns to her senses.

she returns to herself.

and she moves on.

i feel like that’s what today’s events have done for me.  smacked me back to life.  back to who i am.  back to who i WANT to be. reminded me of what’s important, who’s important, and what i’m here to do.

it’s amazing how shock can sort of crystallize your vision, make you see and feel things differently.  i guess anything that jars us out of a rut does that for us.

so, i am grateful for the slap. i can’t say that it doesn’t sting and that i’ll ALWAYS be grateful for it, but i’m awfully grateful for the reminder that i am not this person.

i am supersassy.

i am wickedly funny.

i am confident and full of life.

i give of myself.

i am a GREAT friend.

i love people with my whole heart.

and i’ve got game, according to one adorable guy friend of mine.

so…i’m off to play.  REALLY play.  play with heart and my whole self.  play with everything that i have.

play for keeps this time.

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2 Responses to ““i had to stop her screaming!””

  1. I LOVE THAT MOVIE!!! It’s like my most favorite movie ever. My girlfriends and I can quote pretty much the whole thing!

    I’m sorry you got “smacked” and that things haven’t been perfect lately. I hope they improve. You seem like a truly amazing person.

  2. As one of Kateastrophe’s girlfriends, I can attest to the truthfulness of her comment. 😀

    I too am sorry you got smacked. I was all ready to go up in arms against anyone who would hurt you, friend or foe. Looks like you have taken the high road, though. Still, it has to sting and I’m sorry for that. But way to make it into a good thing! Well done!

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