confessions

many thanks to the wonderful bloggers who have done this (barbie and clink come to mind) and have given me the idea. i am in education, so we all know that the best stuff is the shamelessly stolen stuff.

i can’t stand silence, right now especially.  the TV is always on and the noise, while distracting, is welcome. i am tired of the well-worn paths in my mind.

i find inordinate pleasure from the fact that i will be wielding my drill once more this weekend.  i am also excited that the pictures that have been leaning up against my wall for nearly six months will be up.  they’re important to me. it’s going to be good.

also, i can’t wait to clean.  i feel the desperate need to achieve order in my universe, in any way possible.

i feel old in this college world that i’m living in, even though i am very young in many ways (a fact that i keep getting reminded of over and over again, even though i am not speaking that thought out loud much anymore).

i am REALLY giddily excited about the class that i am teaching.  the students seem genuinely excited to be there and to learn–and i feed off of their enthusiasm. it makes me think that maybe i can do this.  it counteracts my occasional pastry chef moments.

on the flip side, i am completely freaked out by the possibility (small as it may be) that i might not know what i’m doing.  i have to keep reminding myself that i know more than they do.  i actually think that kind of humility is the hallmark of a good teacher.  plus, it keeps me on my toes.

i met a completely new guy yesterday and was rather surprised by how quickly i liked him. there’s no real story there, but i think it restored a bit of my faith in my friendliness and the innate ability i have to connect with people.  plus, it didn’t suck that he was sort of adorable and seemed to not hate talking to me.

i think that i have decided that high heels and professional clothes make me feel sassy.  i’m not sure i’ll be able to keep this up for the entire semester–a skirt on a Thursday? WHAT?–but i sure like it for now.

i have decided that liquid courage for us Mormons is philosophy lip gloss.

i am so tired right now and have miles to go before i sleep–literally.

our apartment has a huge new TV–hand-me-down, of course–and i love it because i can watch it and see everything in minute detail without my glasses.

i miss cooking.   for some reason i don’t feel comfortable doing it in my new apartment.  bad for the thighs, that fact.

i don’t know what to think about the presidential elections.  i have a feeling that the people that i actually like from the two parties (i’m deeply independent, so i cover all of my bases) are going to drop out.  then where will i be? oh…yeah…choosing between hillary/barack and mike/john.  que sigh.

i have two goals that i want to achieve in the next ten months.  i think i can actually do it. and that scares me a little bit.

i made my own trail mix yesterday.  it was kind of fun.  i read about it in real simple online, and i was like “i can do that.” and i did it. take that, martha.

i came back to gainesville with a great deal of hope and excitement.  i feel like it’s been squelched by circumstance. i hate that.

i believe there is a time and a season for everything.  i believe that this is my time and season to not care much about anything other than what’s absolutely necessary for me to think about because it affects my world directly.  is that wrong? my roommate tells me a lot that i worry too much about stuff.  i think it’s what makes my heart beat as big as it does, so i don’t want to lose that, but i wonder if it’s sometimes too big for my own good.

i really want to play guitar hero someday soon, but i really don’t want to suck at it.

i am proud of myself for the way that i handled the drama earlier in the week. i think that’s the first time i’ve said that out loud.  i’m actually quite proud of myself for the way i have handled the whole thing. it wasn’t flawless. i wasn’t perfect. but darnit if i didn’t try awfully hard to be a mature adult about the whole thing.  i think i achieved that.

i don’t tell myself enough that i do things well.

i am blogging this instead of planning for my class in four hours.  that’s arrogance right there.  but it’s my specialty…so i guess i think i can do it?  that’ll be the last time, i believe.

i need a better blowdryer.  my mom’s rocked and made my hair bouncy and shiny. mine?  not so much. or maybe it’s the water. who knows.  either way…something’s gotta give.

i still haven’t replaced my bed frame that was lost in the move. the box springs are still sitting on the floor and i think i like it better now.  i have no idea why.

i really love blogging, even though i feel completely inept at it most days. and i really love comments.  i’ll admit that when i don’t get very many…i wonder if anyone’s reading. but considering i’m a lurker most days myself–and never feel that i have anything substantive to say–i understand.  that said, thank you to all of you who read and find some kind of merit in what i write.  and many thanks for the comments that you do leave–they mean more to me than you know.

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3 Responses to “confessions”

  1. Guitar Hero is easy! I have 2 and 3 . . . too bad I’m not still in Gainesville =)

    and yes . . . quite mature!

    Laura

  2. for some reason I just decided that you must’ve made up having a bed frame, because after the first like day I never heard anything about it and figured you were crazy. Or I was crazy. no lie, I actually thought about it and came to that conclusion. If you’re room had a bed frame now I’d be very confused about the whole thing.

    I used to blog to people, even though those people never knew it. Now I just like to write and imagine that the random visitors to my site maybe saw something and thought I was interesting. Not enough to come back probably, but maybe they looked at my words and smiled just a bit.

    saturday is going to be full of lots of cleanliness, and I’m really excited about that.

  3. I’ve always wanted ot make my own trail mix. Seriously.

    Its Delurking Week , apparently. So I’m saying yo. Yo.

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