i wish it were tomorrow at 2 p.m.

then, regardless of the news, i would at least know.

mom’s biopsy results come in tomorrow.  well, i would imagine they are already in, sitting in some innocuous file folder with her name on it on some doctor’s cluttered desk, waiting for the appointment tomorrow.

while i’m sure that the people involved know how much they mean to the people who are waiting for them, for most of them, it’s just another day.

for us?

it’s more than that.

i am not worried. and i am petrified.  i am at peace. and i am counting the minutes.  i have faith. and i am asking for even more prayers, knowing as i do that what will happen will happen and that i have very little control over it.  it feels wrong to ask for it to all be fine.

and yet i have begged for it in every prayer that i have uttered for the past few days.  as it gets closer, i get more worried.

but not at the same time.

i don’t know how to explain it.  i really don’t.

i just want tomorrow afternoon to come.

if i know, i can at least act.

my life seems calculated to teach me patience and faith.  even if i don’t want to let it.

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