from the mixed-up mind of the future dr. b.*

i started this post once twice already.

i’m deleting any semblance of whining and/or complaining and/or calling attention to struggle.
today is a STRUGGLE-FREE day. because what happened today?

I FINISHED GRADING THE NEVERENDING PILE OF PAPERS (why thank you for the applause. i very much appreciate it…you’re really just too kind.) and i literally feel lighter.

thirty-three five page papers lighter, with attached comments.

is it like murphy’s law that on the day when it is hot(tish) outside, i have to wear a sweater inside all of my ridiculously air-conditioned buildings (i’m not hating…i like the cardigan and jeans look) so that when i go outside i look completely inappropriately dressed? i’ll admit. i feel like a puritan most days on campus, because i wear clothes and apparently in florida when the temperature reaches above 80, it means that you don’t have to in fact cover up anything that, really, ought to be covered up…but today?

i’m like the amish.

but i’m not freezing, so i’ll take it.

in case you are ever feeling like you’re up against a deadline and want to finish something on a night when you’re so tired you think you might not actually be physically able to get off the floor outside your roommate’s room, where you collapsed because you couldn’t really face standing there while having a a conversation that lasted more than thirty seconds and you come up with a brilliant plan to take, say, a two-hour nap and then get up at some obscene hour of the early morning (ala 2 a.m.) to finish the thing that you have to finish and then maybe go back to sleep, thinking that this is going to be the answer to all of your problems…

…don’t do it.

because you’ll end up like i was last night, resetting your alarm every 90 or so minutes, still holding on the hope, futile as it may be, that you will at some point be awake enough to finish what you have to finish and therefore not seemingly fail at life.

just go to bed. and wake up early.

or just go to bed.

because when you’re that tired, what good are you to anyone anyways?

that’s what i decided…

…at 5 a.m.

i am oddly disturbed by the fact that the chicken salad that i love–so veryveryveryvery yummy–looks a little bit like cat food when i open it. stirred, it’s fine, but for that split second, i always feel like i’ve descended below some really essential status line without realizing it.

i know i’m poor, but i’d much prefer to eat ramen than cat food.

but, if it tastes like this stuff when i put it on crackers, i might take it.

it’s that time of the semester.

when you wish that it was already over, but you know that to get there you have to wade through way too much stuff to do and deal with stress that just seems interminable and wonder if you even have the capacity to do any of the things that you need/want/wish to do.
and then you hear something like this

…and you’re pretty much like: “life? watch out…i’m gonna take this itty bitty world by storm and i’m just gettin’ warm.”

and THAT is why Ladies Love Cool James.

*and if you didn’t catch that reference, you’re a terrible person and you should immediately read this.

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