help me help you help me.

hey you. facebook new guy who friend requested me apparently because we’re in the same department but who i do not know from adam. yeah, you.

while i’m sure that you think that’s it’s utterly charming to create dummy facebook profiles for the characters of bleak house, accompanied by pictures of the actors who brought them to life in the pbs miniseries, it’s creeping me out. i already don’t like the “people you might know” feature, and now it’s populated by fictional characters.

my life is surreal enough without you screwing with it. cut it out.

also…facebook chat? i think i might love it. but i can’t decide.

how is it that when i set out to condense my 60 page masters thesis into a 20 page essay, two things happened:

a) i realized that my writing was not nearly as assertive as it is now (yay for confidence!)

and

b) IT ULTIMATELY ENDED UP TOO SHORT.

someone explain how that happened. i think it had a little something to do with me being disillusioned with the crap and padding. but whatever. i still should have ended up with more than 17 pages.

grr.

the unholy attraction of the hills and why, after he busted into her meeting, heidi would leave with spencer WITHOUT EVEN CALLING HER BOSS TO TELL HIM OF HER PLAN.

discuss.

i need a fake tan. how? help me look not northern european pasty white but not damage my skin any more than it already is. i’m too old for that idiocy, i’ve decided.

i’m excessively tired of doing dishes.

this revelation just hit me today.

are you tired of a chore that won’t go away? can you make me feel better about my life? dishes, trash (which i have effectively managed to get out of for like eight months now…i have no idea how except that i have amazing roommates), and ripping up stupid credit card offers that come in the mail so that i don’t get my identity stolen are my least. favorite. things. ever. except for maybe the gynecologist. yeah, that one tops them all. but i feel like that’s a given, right girls?

so, yeah…long story short too late…dishes. hate them.

just realized i didn’t pay my car payment today when it was the last day to do it without seeming like a giant bill flake.

super.

updated to say: they told me i have to wait “another week or two” to find out fellowship results. could they just shoot me, pour honey all over me, stick me in the hot burning sun on top of an anthill instead? that would be kinder.

freaking bureaucracy. give me MY MONEY! mine. mine. mine.

i think. i hope. bah.

i’m just profusely sorry about the five-year-old kid nature of this post, the whole “and then, this happened, and then, this happened and then, this happened, and then there was cake!” of it all, but…it’s how i feel. i’m all ADD girl lately.

and now i want some cake.

and if it wasn’t 2:20 a.m., i’d go buy some.

because sometimes, you just need some cake.

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7 Responses to “help me help you help me.”

  1. Five-year-old nature of this post? I’m all about it. Keep it up.

  2. cake, or CUPcakes!

    let’s see… i hate chores too. specifically, putting new sheets on my bed! i swear i need to marry a man who will be willing to do the sheets for me. it pisses me off to no end. ugh. and how about lauren last night? i wanted to slap her when she was talking to audrina!

    try jergens lotion/tanner stuff. it works really good, and gradually so that its not like, poof!, one day you’re albino next you’re a tanned goddess!

  3. First of all? You want cake? I got cake. Just come play with me in Lake Mary and you will get amazing, 2-layer, funfetti cake with sprinkles all around the sides. I just might post photos of it’s delicious adorableness tomorrow. All for the low, low price of maybe getting burned in a forest fire.

    I’m with brookem, jergens is by FAR the best. If you’re looking for some faster options, you can go to one of the eighty billion different spray tan places in Gainesville. Of course, then there’s the added bonus of having to take off all your clothes except for a tiny pair of underwear while someone sprays your naughty bits with pigment.

    And I saw that you were friends with Jane Austen just last night. Don’t be judge-y :-p just kidding, that’s totally creepy. Though you might want to let Chris know so he can be friends with Mr. Smallweed.

  4. I need a fake tan too. Desperately. I’m lost as to how to go about it as well. I’m no help!

  5. and sometimes you just need some C.A.K.E.!!!!!
    🙂 you know you love it!

  6. So b/c I can follow your thought process and somehow it seems to match mine does that make me a 5 year old?

    I love cake.

  7. don’t apologize for how this was written! i love it! sometimes we all just need to let our inner 5-year-old out.

    chores are a pain. whenever i come home, my mom tells me to clean my room, i’ve been avoiding it for 3 years now.

    i’m with brookem on the cupcakes! If you’re ever in dc, call me and we shall go for amazing cupcakes. there are three “cupcakeries” so we’ll just have to sample them all!

    🙂

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