dilemmas. i gots them.

dilemma one: my love life.

one-a: blindish date guy is interested. while hearing that your eyes are gorgeous and your pictures don’t do them justice is awfully nice, and so is he, i know it’s going nowhere. how do i say this without seeming a) obnoxious and prideful; b) cavalier about his feelings; or c) awkward and horrible.

or is awkward and horrible just sort of a given?

i’m new at this. normally i just try to avoid the situation altogether and it goes away. but that’s not going to work here and i know i need to put on my big girl pants and deal.

who knew that i was so utterly charming and irresistible? i won’t comment on the irony of how that charm is often lost on those i’d like it to not be lost on.

dilemma one-b: IM guy, the one that i’ve been trying to get my flirt on with across a distance, might be sort of interested but is pragmatic enough to not really spark anything up until we are at least in the same state. super.

do i drop the flirting? i’ve been trying…as you know…and it’s been working, i guess, although IM guy would make an excellent poker player since he never ever shows his cards. we have a mutual friend also who has been trying to pull some strings and encourage things along (i am nothing if not in need of some love-related assistance), and he said that it’s all dependent on whether or not IM guy comes back.

and, yes, i do realize that sounds like i asked his best friend at recess if he liked me. sigh.

so…stop putting myself out there or keep doing it? i honestly don’t know what i want.

and that, kids, is the hallmark of this part of my life right now.

AND…

dilemma two: my writing life.

two-a: i don’t know what to blog about right now as my life is an utter snoozefest. you got ideas? things you want to know? want me to tell you stories, regale you with my past? yell out a suggestion and i might just take you up on it.

either that or i might go bloggy dark for a few weeks.

i know. shameless manipulation. oh well.

two-b: dissertation progress is so slow. i feel stymied here too. like if i could just concentrate things would be good. i was on FIRE the first week of break, when i was working on the mary shelley article that probably won’t even be published what a crapload of good that’ll do me then, but then i sort of…fizzled. now i feel like i’m just tying up loose ends that i don’t want to really tie up because they’re BORING ends to tie up but if i don’t tie them then i never will and then i’ll have to do it like six months from now when i’ve entirely forgotten what it was that i was trying to argue and i won’t really be able to call that chapter finished with any honesty and yeah.

anybody got any suggestions for sparking the fire back up? i’m going to try prayer. because nothing else seems to really be working. that and clean off my desk so that i can not feel claustrophobic. yeah.

that’s me, my life, and my crazy. thanks for playing along. gots suggestions? please leave them. you know i need the help!

3 Responses to “dilemmas. i gots them.”

  1. 1a- just be honest with him. he’s a man. he’ll be ok.

    1b- will you regret it if you never try and never find out? if so, keep at it.

    2a- NO! no bloggy dark for a few weeks. there must be something! anything! to write about.

    2b- take a break. don’t think about it for a few days and try again?

  2. someone asks for advice, so i jump on it!

    blind date guy–if you’re REALLY sure there is nothing there, then fib a little, like “it’s me, not you”, or actually “i’m kinda interested in someone else right now, sorry” or “i’m not really interested in dating seriously” BUT the older I’ve gotten the more I see people not give others a chance for not so good reasons.

    IM guy-TOTAL waste of time; you’re a writer, you enjoy words, and you will mix up that with WHO the guy really is. Face to face is when you get to know someone. The better a writer he is, the more trouble you are in. Phone calls, IM’ing when you’re apart, totally unreal and dreamlike. IMO.

    blogging-by definition could be about NOTHING, or some small thing you notice, or some thing that pisses you off that day, whatever you want, or nothing. post nothing, or a photo, or whatever.

    diss–maybe just set aside one day to work on the loose ends? play, goof off, whatever, until then, then roll up the sleeves for just that day, starting with the smaller, easier accomplishments.

  3. Be honest with the blindish date guy. You can keep in touch with IM guy, but I say flirt with whoever you want to. You don’t want to be waiting around for a guy who may or may not be interested/moving back.

    Oh, and hi, I don’t believe I’ve commented before, but I’ve been reading your blog for a little while now. 🙂

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