it’s not pretty. be prepared.

it’s monday.

boy, is it monday.

i began this day pretty much thinking that it was going to suck, in the sense that i was already disappointed in myself.  i set the alarm for a half hour earlier than i had before, hoping to be able to get up and to the gym before work.

didn’t happen.

i rolled over and decided not to.

so i decided to do my errands instead before i went to work.

that was a good choice, because there were far fewer crowds.

went to the car place, where i needed to have my oil changed, and was told that my back tail light and turn signal were out.

(perhaps that’s why my turn signal was acting like a spastic speed addict?)

super.  replace them, please.

got out of there, even with replacing those and my windshield wipers which had seen better days and were begging to be put out of their misery, for about $10 or $15 less than i thought i would.

thank heavens for student discounts.

because then i went to mail a package to the best friend.  it’s the best package EVER CONCEIVED IN THE HISTORY OF MAN but…it’s basically full of dumb crap.  i mean, it’s dumb crap that will make him TOTALLY excited and happy, but it’s still dumb crap because the dumb crap is the funnest.  like an inflatable limbo stick.

(and, yeah, funnest is a word. shut up.)

it cost me $48 to send it to australia.

FORTY EIGHT DOLLARS.  i think my heart stopped.  i’m pretty sure that he will FLIP THE FREAK OUT when he sees that label on the box.  maybe yell at me. or maybe just feel bad.  he’ll get over it, though, because he’s a boy and boys have the miraculous ability to be like “ooh. that sucks.  moving on…” and compartmentalize the heck out of life.

i envy that.

because i felt stupid. and guilty. and lame.  why did i spend $48–even though that was, in fact, the cheapest option available to me–to send 4 pounds worth of stupid candy and little debbies and fake firework displays (long story involving party confetti poppers and a CD of john phillips sousa music) and baseball pez dispensers?

oh yeah. it’s because i’m that kind of person. and because he’s the best friend. and because he’ll like it.  and because…i do stuff like that.

so basically i’ve spent the last hour wondering why i’m an idiot.  and wondering if i can salvage this day somehow.

and then someone comes into work with a philosophy paper on free will and God, and is basically is asserting that he believes exactly what i believe, and even though the quiet voice of the Spirit was telling me to talk to him about the gospel, i didn’t do it because i wasn’t sure it was appropriate.

i think i just want to cry.

all i can think is that i am being WAY too hard on myself about everything.

(color me surprised.)

and that tomorrow at this time i will be on my way home, to spend a week and a half with my cats and my mom, getting work done and getting my batteries recharged for life.  i need that every once in a while.

and that because  i will be traveling, i’m awfully glad i didn’t listen to that crazy voice that told me not to bother changing my oil, because they fixed my tail lights so that i won’t get pulled over.  that’s a HUGE blessing.

and that the day isn’t over yet, so maybe i’ll get some yoga and crunches and squats and other things in so that i won’t be a lame-o to the lameth power.

and that maybe, just maybe, this frustrating plateau will resolve itself soon. i can’t express in words how frustrated i am, even though i’ve lost inches and i look different, i’m not seeing it and so i don’t believe it’s real until it’s numerically expressed.  i guess i think i might be making it all up.

and that maybe eating leftover roast will be yummy.  it turned out SOOO good!  i was a domestic success.  hooray! that didn’t suck.

and that putting one foot in front of the other will make everything okay.  it always does.

and that tomorrow? WON’T be monday.

2 Responses to “it’s not pretty. be prepared.”

  1. My recommendation: exhale . . . 🙂 . . . I ❤ you! Have fun with your mom!

  2. Tomorrow WON’T be Monday, which makes all the difference in the world. And remember this: you WILL have another chance to talk to the person with the paper. God always gives us second chances, especially when there’s someone that’s so danged close to getting it SO RIGHT. Have fun at hooome!

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