hm.

i have tried to write something substantive several times now.  all i can come up with is drivel.

mainly because what i should be writing is my first draft of my gothic chapter.

but i’m scared.

because what if i get there to write and there’s nothing left? all of these ideas lead to…nothing?  the past two chapters i had something to go on, something to be my foundation. this is the first one that i’ve written from scratch.

yeah.

so instead i’m here, manically checking my email and facebook, polishing the outline for the draft, and considering taking tylenol for the butt-kicking that my strength training has given me (literally…my butt muscles HURT) and laying down because it feels like someone has sucked the energy right out of me.

but really, i’m just avoiding trying to write. don’t think i’m unaware of this fact.  or the fact that i have a self-imposed deadline of saturday night. please don’t think that i won’t make it either.  this is what i do–push my back up against the proverbial wall until i HAVE to write no matter what.

but this time? the fear is unique.

sigh.

i really wish someone had told me that the dissertation process would exorcise every psychological demon present in me.  that would have been good to know.

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3 Responses to “hm.”

  1. good luck on the paper my friend. maybe take a little napski and make yourself get up and work on the paper for a set time. or, work on it for an hour, then take a nap, then work on it some more. gotta break it up a bit there!

  2. i admire writers.

  3. You’re amazingly talented, don’t be afraid. I know you won’t listen to me, but I know that you’re going to be great.

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