Archive for September, 2008

in twenty words or less.

Posted in Uncategorized on September 22, 2008 by drbolte

43 pages–gothic done.

hallulujah!

uninvited drama. blech.

accessory shopping saturday with style guru. plus pancakes!

crowded gym.

antisocial.

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i’ve taken this * thing a bit too far.

Posted in blogging, books are bliss, celebrities, dissertation, etcetera, family, i promise you that you won't care, me, perfect brightness of hope, someday I'll be a real middle class girl, TV and me are pals, will work for food, you should really worship me on September 22, 2008 by drbolte

if you’ve been around at all recently, you know that mondays don’t tend to be good to me.  i don’t know why. i’m veering towards insufficient sleep based on what has become the ritual of sunday naps in the afternoon, which leave me more inclined to watch army wives at 1 a.m. than actually go to sleep.

but yesterday i was quite excited to tackle the day. i’ve made my schedule in my handy dandy blue notebook and although it’s already required modification, it’s okay.

there’s lots to tell you–about minor and major miracles in my life*,  about things that are coming up that both freak me out and excite the HECK out of me so i don’t think about them in too much detail**, about how this week’s madness is the fruit of my procrastination, about how excited i am that the west wing is coming back on bravo and how even though i really have no business adding two more hours of daily TV to my world, i will tape them and be glad of it*** and about how utterly joyful i was to find a marathon on on friday when i got home from work****, about how i had a dream that my birthday went by and i was the one who totally forgot about it and how that was more funny than sad, and about how i miss my family and thought briefly yesterday about finding a time when i could just drive up there and surprise them.  i may still do it.  maybe after the detroit conference.

oh, didn’t i mention that i’m going to the motor city?

yeah.

so, i have all of these things to tell you but no time to tell you them.  but they’re on the back burner, just waiting for dead time at work or frustration with writing or brainfried break time to reveal themselves.

hang with me.

but in the meantime, it’s monday, and i’m trying to make it work.*****

have a wonderful day!

*do you ever have those times when you are completely stressed out about something(s), and you don’t think to pray about them because they seem like problems that you will just solve later and so you don’t want to bother with them now because as much as they are subconsciously really freaking you out, you have bigger fish to fry? and then all of the sudden out of the clear blue sky, problems get solved without any intervention on your part but entirely because Heavenly Father is merciful and kind and loves you and decides to help you out, as any parent would, just because He knows that the problems are there?

yeah. those happened.  two of them.  this weekend. maybe three.  actually three.  i am a blessed girl.

**not limited to but including job search. but mainly…other things.

***i live in way lower middle class land. no tivo for me. i work it old school, with a VCR, a timer, and some seriously recycled tapes.  that’s how i deal with fall TV.  every day has a schedule.  i tape them and watch them when i have time, when i have a break, or on sundays when i don’t work.  we’ll see how long this lasts.

****oh president santos/jimmy smits, i love you. but i love josh more.

*****if kenley doesn’t get kicked off of project runway soon, i will do damage to some inanimate object in frustration. she’s so…annoying!  who saw that coming? i sure didn’t.

in which i think i need to start paying attention to utah football and live blog the second half of UF-UT.

Posted in blogging, fall is football, gators, i love youtube--so sue me on September 20, 2008 by drbolte

ohio state scored four touchdowns against troy.  troy scored a touchdown and a field goal.  OHIO STATE allowed TROY to score on them, and TROY held them to only four touchdowns.  discuss the imminent destruction of the ohio state program or, as ESPN called it, the O-H-N-O.

nc state won.  that, in and of itself, would be big news. but they won, in overtime, against EAST CAROLINA. you know, the giant killer? so, if you kill the giant killer, does that make you a giant giant killer? for at least a week, before they lose to podunk ACC state, i’d like to pretend that ncstate doesn’t suck as bad as they do. kthanks.

more upsets–boise state over oregon. colorado over west virginia.  if i can hope for more upsets, i hope for auburn pulling one out on lsu. i hate lsu. i really, really do.  and i would like for that national champ to go down. and auburn does it to national champs. remember us? last year? yeah.

they do it. i hope they do it again tonight. i may try to watch that game, but we’ll see if i can write a chapter half while i do it.  i’m not superoptimistic, but we’ll see. i’d really like to see that go down.

byu won.  again.  and apparently utah state is something to behold. since WHEN do i need to pay attention to the mountain west?

the world is crazy and i am going to start caring right….now.

all right.  florida versus tennessee. you know it’s the game that i want to talk about. these are my thoughts, sort of as they happened but mainly afterwards because i was doing laundry at the same time:

  • phillip fulmer may very well have a coronary infarction on the field.  i mean, if i was him, my brain would explode.  but i’m just saying…the emts ought to be standing by. like right by. the first time he threw something, i laughed.
  • i think that possibly the volunteers, at least for the first quarter, have some sort of psychological aversion to the endzone. i don’t know how else to explain their behavior.  i mean, other than that they suck.
  • when the volunteers fumbled TWO YARDS from the endzone, i may have laughed again.
  • sometimes, the superman thing with tebow gets old.  because i buy it and then when he makes normal quarterback mistakes, i get angry.  because superman? superman doesn’t make mistakes. that said, in comparison to the fumbling, tackled, inept jonathan crompton who can’t keep track of the clock? he IS superman just by being competent. he’s just really so bad.
  • verne lundquist is a rock god. the other yahoo that was commentating? idiot.  ole miss is not an away game.  hello. AND MIAMI WASN’T THEIR FIRST GAME.  good grief. i know more about gator football than this nimrod.
  • my questions: what does a color commentator do? and why are the women always the sideline reporters? and how can i get that job so that i can ask annoying questions to really angry head coaches?
  • at three minutes before the end of the third quarter, cbs showed streams of tennessee fans leaving the stadium.  i laughed.
  • when tennessee finally scored, i thought that they had fumbled again. because that’s what normally happens, you know. and then…i realized…that they actually didn’t score.  at all.  when a knee is down, a knee is down. and then they did.  yay them.
  • but actually, i really wanted the gators to shut tennessee out.  but i was afraid to say that or type it or otherwise articulate it.  was that wrong of me to hope? probably. that’s why they scored.
  • i feel like i have damaged my karma here already, but i’m just telling you what i saw.
  • “florida eats clock.”  oddest. comment. ever.
  • tebow runs into a photographer on the sidelines.  he stops to see if the photographer was okay.  the idiot commentator says ‘i’m surprised he didn’t stop for a picture. chuckle chuckle chuckle.”  i’m surprised he still has a job.
  • why is it that i feel badly about a losing team?  they should have lost. they were a big mess, all over the field and without much focus at all.  they couldn’t complete. and yet, when they show those pity shots of the losing players on the sidelines, i feel compelled to empathy.
  • maybe that saves my karma

also, as a sidenote, did you know that UF is retiring these commercials? i’m sort of sad.

but these are the replacements, i think.  it doesn’t suck. it is definitely less cheesy.

so…i’ve been called to do something great.  live college blogging is over; dissertation work begins again.

GO GATORS!

the rules, part two.

Posted in mirror mirror on the wall, shopping, sigh, you have to be a chick to understand on September 19, 2008 by drbolte

i bought these pants. i had a coupon. they were $18. they are versatile. these were my thoughts. and they don’t look like jeans, which was the problem with the steel grey pair of these that i tried on and pretty much liked. also, i think the brown ones looked better, but i have no perspective.

(good news? a solid size, size and a half down.)

now, the ultimate question: what do i wear with them?

I skew very matchy matchy, but i know this limits me. i need ideas. and shoes. shoe ideas.

basically, i am your mannequin. dress me.

(did that sound weird? sigh. i need to do something productive now.)

twenty-seven and counting.

Posted in dissertation, will work for food, wish i may wish i might on September 18, 2008 by drbolte

read the post below. it’s way zen.

this one? not so much that way. fair warning.

so, i thought the job list was a one-time deal. you know, people publish their positions ONCE on that quarter’s job list.

nope.

it gets updated.

every week.

so now, every couple of days, my director sends me another job that she’s heard about, not even from the job list, which i haven’t checked since monday but imagine will have four hundred and eighty seven thousand more entries for me to wade through.

every week.

and every listing that she sends me is, of course, perfect for me.

all this to say that, as each job comes in, i begin to feel a little more weight lodge quietly yet firmly in my chest.  because, see, i could deal with twenty five jobs.  but it’s going to be much more than that.  looking for a job is a job in and of itself. i knew that. i just didn’t realize that it was going to require organization like this.  and effort like this. and money like this.

and confidence like this.

i don’t know how to do it all.

i mean, i have to, but i don’t know how.

i want to, but i don’t know how.

any courage is a fear.

Posted in Uncategorized on September 17, 2008 by drbolte

i have nothing to say and everything to say.

ever been there?

i was going to tell you a story about mud, and how i’m trying to think of slogging through my metaphorical batch as this rather than how i normally do, which is an epic battle of me against the elements.

which can get rather exhausting, if you don’t know.

but that story was boring, and so i lost interest.

i have very little interest in things that waste your time or mine right now. even what may seem frivolous, a picture of frozen peas or a bulleted list of what’s on my mind, is important.  you have no concept of how crucial a small ziploc bag of frozen peas is to my life right now.

as is four or five different boxes of assorted cereals, but i digress.

i am struggling, fighting, pushing through. i thought i would hit my stride. i did, actually. wind in my sails.  spring in my step. insert other hackneyed phrase here and that was me last week.

but now i have to push hard again to move at all.  i wish my strides were longer or that i weren’t quite so often caught off-balance by life.

and then i read things like this, and i’m not quite so worried about that anymore.

as freedom is a breakfastfood
or truth can live with right and wrong
or molehills are from mountains made
-long enough and just so long
will being pay the rent of seem
and genius please the talentgang
and water most encourage flame

as hatracks into peachtrees grow
or hopes dance best on bald men’s hair
and every finger is a toe
and any courage is a fear
-long enough and just so long
will the impure think all things pure
and hornets wail by children stung

or as the seeing are the blind
and robins never welcome spring
nor flatfolk prove their world is round
nor dingsters die at break of dong
and common’s rare and millstones float
-long enough and just so long
tomorrow will not be too late

worms are the words but joy’s the voice
down shall go which and up come who
breasts will be breasts and thighs will be thighs
deeds cannot dream what dreams can do
-time is a tree (this life one leaf)
but love is the sky and i am for you
just so long and long enough

–ee cummings


my lateral collateral ligament thanks you.

Posted in wordless wednesday on September 17, 2008 by drbolte

(also, as a side note, if you are not watching fringe, you’re INSANE. that is all.)