Archive for October, 2008

if this doesn’t get me candy, nothing will.

Posted in Uncategorized on October 31, 2008 by drbolte

pathetic, isn’t it? but the antenna are cute! and i’ve been wearing them since this afternoon. darnit if the plague will keep me from wearing them.

but it’s kind of breaking my heart to not be able to play with my friends. it’s my last halloween in gainesville. and i’m missing it.

supersad.

update: i am watching friday night lights. online. from the beginning. and i am in love with matt saracen.

there are worse things to do on a friday night, i suppose. there are definitely better things, but this doesn’t suck completely.

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warning: serious whining enclosed.

Posted in Uncategorized on October 30, 2008 by drbolte

one can only hope that on the day when you walk around saying “i’m dying,” and believe that you have in fact killed a small rainforest in tissues, it is the beginning of the end of the virus.

i’m definitely missing halloween.

tylenol cold does JACK. i miss comtrex. i might go in search of some soon.

i have lost my appetite, i think. while that might be miraculous, i think it’s a little weird too since it NEVER HAPPENS NOT EVER EVER EVER. all i want to eat is crackers, which is sort of counteproductive to the whole nutritious food so that your body can fight the virus that has abducted your brain and soul plan.

ugh. i think i’m dying.

not really, but ugh.

i feel like a five year old.  i miss my mom.

thanks for letting me whine.

Posted in Uncategorized on October 29, 2008 by drbolte

suckage. times two.

brought to you by the letter blech and the number 405,678.

Posted in all i want for christmas is..., etcetera, forward my mail, me, sigh, TV and me are pals, will work for food, wish i may wish i might on October 29, 2008 by drbolte

you didn’t know that blech was a letter?

it is. i just added it to the alphabet of my world because sometimes you don’t have the wherewithal to think of anything else to explain how you feel.  except the new letter blech.  and also, it reminds me of sesame street, which always makes me happy. did you know that maria is doing commercials for cox cable now? telling parents that they can check out a new website so that they can review things like “the omen” to see if they are child appropriate?

(let me just say no, and let us all move on with our lives.)

yeah, i didn’t know either until i spent an entire week pivoting between three places–my bed, my desk where the printer is, and my bathroom.  with periodic trips to the kitchen and post office, this is my life.  so i watch a LOT of TV (and holy sweetness i’ve hit a new low if young and the restless is playing on my TV hold on i have to change it and oh good i love lucy).  and so i am up to date on all of the cable commercials because what else are they going to play in the middle of the day when no one except people with the plague are watching?

not that i have the plague. let me not alarm the masses. i feel like, until about…uhm…three hours ago, i was stuck in neutral in sickland, where i didn’t feel SO bad that i couldn’t do anything but i felt bad enough that i couldn’t do much. so i vacillated between guilt and mehness a lot.

but now we seem to have downshifted into a real cold that real girls get, so i feel less like an imposter and more like i might miss halloween.  which i should be upset about, i suppose, but i sort of don’t care that much.

i was going to be a ladybug, you see. i made antenna and everything. we’ll see. maybe i’ll muster enough energy to dress up to take pictures with my roommates. or maybe i’ll just stay in my pajamas.  i’ll let you guess which one i’m leaning toward right now.

did you know that this is the last week of october?  THE LAST WEEK OF OCTOBER. as in we’re closer to thanksgiving and christmas than we were before and OH MY GOSH where did the time go and it’s GAME ON time.

(some of you will understand what that means.  those of you who understand what it means, please understand that in my current condition, i am not feel so very hopeful about such games.)

but that’s neither here nor there.

i don’t really remember why it is that i thought that i should write, except to tell you that i went to the post office yesterday and mailed something like twelve job applications, and did three more online, and some people will be glad to know that at least five of those were east of the mississippi. and i stepped on the scale and nearly fell off of it again because the number was one i hadn’t seen in my adult life. i stepped back on to see if it was mocking me again (it does that sometimes, teasing me with a low number the first time and then giving me the real, higher number all subsequent times) and it wasn’t. doesn’t make any sense, and i fear that it will slingshot back one i am not laying around all day, but isn’t that counterintuitive and what the heck do i care how about i just say YAHOO!

but the REAL point is that i have so very very very much to do, but feel it a tender mercy that i am not freaking out about it. i just keep plugging away, hoping that my best, right now, is good enough to turn someone’s employment-decision-making head or that, if it’s not, my Heavenly Father will make up the difference.

i have chapters to finish, you know.  i’m behind.  and yet, i can’t really freak out about it, even though i have 405,678 things to do before, like, november.

oh, look. there’s the freaking.  good times.

it’s cold and i’m going back to my blankets.  i’ll bring this here computer with me and try to conjure brilliance. or at least use it for its warmth.

redeeming this day.

Posted in all i want for christmas is..., dissertation, faith is action, me, perfect brightness of hope, the glass is half FULL, The Single Life, will work for food, wish i may wish i might on October 27, 2008 by drbolte

nine jobs applied for, three of which i actually really, really want.  total number of jobs i really really want and have now applied for, in case you are keeping tabs at home?  4.  all of which are west of the mississippi.

an all-day west wing marathon soothed the savage beast of this sore throat that seems interminable.  even theraflu didn’t really help.  cereal with milk, though, does.  odd, although not.  the milk likely coats my throat…and then makes it worse. good job, drbolte.

i am so looking forward to tomorrow, she says not at all sarcastically, because i found someone to work for me and it will be COLD tomorrow, so i’ll be able to bundle up like i did, sort of, today and stay in bed all day again with my laptop and will myself to finish the rest of these letters.  it’s awfully intimidating, you know, to try to sell yourself. i was planning on completely reworking every letter, but i end up really just sort of retooling the first paragraph and the last paragraph.  i think that’s probably okay.

i think it will be scary to put these all in the mailbox. i got to wondering recently when i’d start hearing back.  i think maybe soon?  i had to change my voicemail from the adorable message i had before–which said “you’ve reached the ridiculously adorable [drbolte]. you may proceed to worship me after the beep.”–to a boring, professional one.  ah, the travails of a job searcher.

but i’m grateful for every one of these jobs that give me hope.  genuinely i am.  odds are better, right?  all i need is one. one solid, good, awesome tenure track job.

i only need one good man too.

but that’s a whole other topic.

keep your fingers crossed on both accounts, okay?

fetchin’…

Posted in etcetera on October 27, 2008 by drbolte

i am sick.

to say this out loud makes me ANGRY. i tried to deny that it was coming, tried to stem the tide, but the throat doesn’t lie, nor do the sniffles.  so i am sick.

and i am ticked.

so i will be spending my day trying not to swallow because OW and writing job search letters because there is no time to not do so.  i have seventeen due in the next week or so.  it will get done, darn it.  and i will haul my undertheweather carcass to the post office to mail them in a timely fashion.

i need some juice.

what taylor swift songs do to you at 1 a.m.

Posted in etcetera on October 25, 2008 by drbolte

a question, not at all rhetorical:

once you love someone, fall in love with someone, is your heart ever really closed to them again? i know it’s different, but can you ever really close that part of your heart up?