brought to you by the letter blech and the number 405,678.

you didn’t know that blech was a letter?

it is. i just added it to the alphabet of my world because sometimes you don’t have the wherewithal to think of anything else to explain how you feel.  except the new letter blech.  and also, it reminds me of sesame street, which always makes me happy. did you know that maria is doing commercials for cox cable now? telling parents that they can check out a new website so that they can review things like “the omen” to see if they are child appropriate?

(let me just say no, and let us all move on with our lives.)

yeah, i didn’t know either until i spent an entire week pivoting between three places–my bed, my desk where the printer is, and my bathroom.  with periodic trips to the kitchen and post office, this is my life.  so i watch a LOT of TV (and holy sweetness i’ve hit a new low if young and the restless is playing on my TV hold on i have to change it and oh good i love lucy).  and so i am up to date on all of the cable commercials because what else are they going to play in the middle of the day when no one except people with the plague are watching?

not that i have the plague. let me not alarm the masses. i feel like, until about…uhm…three hours ago, i was stuck in neutral in sickland, where i didn’t feel SO bad that i couldn’t do anything but i felt bad enough that i couldn’t do much. so i vacillated between guilt and mehness a lot.

but now we seem to have downshifted into a real cold that real girls get, so i feel less like an imposter and more like i might miss halloween.  which i should be upset about, i suppose, but i sort of don’t care that much.

i was going to be a ladybug, you see. i made antenna and everything. we’ll see. maybe i’ll muster enough energy to dress up to take pictures with my roommates. or maybe i’ll just stay in my pajamas.  i’ll let you guess which one i’m leaning toward right now.

did you know that this is the last week of october?  THE LAST WEEK OF OCTOBER. as in we’re closer to thanksgiving and christmas than we were before and OH MY GOSH where did the time go and it’s GAME ON time.

(some of you will understand what that means.  those of you who understand what it means, please understand that in my current condition, i am not feel so very hopeful about such games.)

but that’s neither here nor there.

i don’t really remember why it is that i thought that i should write, except to tell you that i went to the post office yesterday and mailed something like twelve job applications, and did three more online, and some people will be glad to know that at least five of those were east of the mississippi. and i stepped on the scale and nearly fell off of it again because the number was one i hadn’t seen in my adult life. i stepped back on to see if it was mocking me again (it does that sometimes, teasing me with a low number the first time and then giving me the real, higher number all subsequent times) and it wasn’t. doesn’t make any sense, and i fear that it will slingshot back one i am not laying around all day, but isn’t that counterintuitive and what the heck do i care how about i just say YAHOO!

but the REAL point is that i have so very very very much to do, but feel it a tender mercy that i am not freaking out about it. i just keep plugging away, hoping that my best, right now, is good enough to turn someone’s employment-decision-making head or that, if it’s not, my Heavenly Father will make up the difference.

i have chapters to finish, you know.  i’m behind.  and yet, i can’t really freak out about it, even though i have 405,678 things to do before, like, november.

oh, look. there’s the freaking.  good times.

it’s cold and i’m going back to my blankets.  i’ll bring this here computer with me and try to conjure brilliance. or at least use it for its warmth.

One Response to “brought to you by the letter blech and the number 405,678.”

  1. “mehness”
    i love it. not that you are meh, but that you use that word. i feel like i can claim invention of that word. maybe not. but still. it made me happy. i am sad that you are so sick and miserable these days. i hope things pick up for you.

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