subconsciously insane.

i went down south this weekend to visit the bff’s family for easter. it was fun. we bought ties for the groomsmen, two suits and a tie for the groom, and got easter baskets full of fun things from the easter bunny. we ate grilled chicken and ribs and heaps of food. we did the powdered donut challenge with the sweet sixteen donuts (because we couldn’t find the full size ones) and guess who beat the big boys in eating the six fastest?

that’s right.

this girl right here.  one minute twenty five seconds.  six donuts in that time.

and you wonder why i needed to lose 130+ pounds? that’s it right there, folks, but i gotta tell you…it was lovely good fun beating the big boys, including the bff. but while i was the fastest, i wasn’t the most impressive.  bff ate 10 in 3 minutes. he’s a balla’.

i’ve decided that i just don’t sleep well not in my own bed.  and especially when i’m in a place that i’m not sure if i’m comfortable with yet.  not that i’m UNCOMFORTABLE in any way there…that’s not the case at all.  and every time i go, i get more and more comfortable.  but it’s an environment that i am not used to and so i think my subconscious knows it.

the first night, i had nightmares all night long.  the kind that you can’t really remember other than remembering that they were disturbing enough to keep you waking yourself up all night long. the second night, i had a massive headache bordering on migraine status (oh, welcome spring.) so i slept hard.  that was good.

but by the end of sunday, i was crashing seriously. (i’m certain nothing of that had anything whatsoever to do with the massive infusion of sugar and lard that i ate in the donut challenge, eh?) last night, i had recurring dreams about having forgotten about three classes that i was signed up for, and it was 3/4 of the way through the semester.

please note. i have NEVER EVER EVER had this kind of dream before. i know that it’s a fairly common stress dream, but i have NEVER had it.  not once. until last night, where much of my dream was spent trying to remember what class it was that i was supposed to be taking and where it was and explaining to people how normally grad students only take two classes so after the first day i just forgot that i was taking five and trying to figure out a way to get back into the classes and take the exams so that i wouldn’t have a massive 0.0 GPA.

oh, and i forgot…it was a middle school.  i was in middle school again. except i was me.

and at the end of my dream? my engagement ring fell apart.  like the two side stones fell out and, with them, some ball bearings (…what the heck?).  i gathered all of the pieces together and managed to think, in my head, that i was really glad that we had the lifetime guarantee. it didn’t feel like an ominous portent of things to come–more like that it was one more thing that i failed at. and it happened while some girl was yelling at me for not going to biology tutoring (which i had apparently signed up for with a guy named miguel) because they really needed the money because they were getting married and don’t you understand what a hardship it is to not be able to count on that money?

let me tell you, sister, i do.

but i didn’t say that. i was just sheepishly trying to figure out when on earth i had signed up for biology tutoring, when someone had called me, why i hadn’t changed my address with the school, and how this had all happened.

in short (way too late…i know), the whole dream was about letting things fall through the cracks.

so…i’m going to work on lists tonight. wedding lists. i’m going to break everything down into as many small pieces as i can so that i don’t forget something big.

because, obviously, my subconscious thinks that i have that tendency.

did i mention that it’s APRIL 13TH? i thought these dreams weren’t supposed to show up for at least another three months.

sigh.

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2 Responses to “subconsciously insane.”

  1. bunkkiness Says:

    ah stress dreams. i understand the not sleeping thing too. being on trips is hard on everyone- even if you love trips.

  2. I had a dream about two weeks after we got engaged that the wedding happened and the people that were supposed to open the restaurant where we were having the reception…never came. It was awful.

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