hello goodbye.

so i’ve lived here for almost five years.

let’s all stop and go WOAH, shall we?

because in that five years many many many things have changed.  i have changed.  the world has changed. but mainly, i have changed. and since this is my blog, you’ve probably heard me talk about that a time or two. i don’t really think you can go through the phd process and lose 130 pounds and find the love of your life, hope he really is the love of your life, keep hoping for a long time while dating people who weren’t the love of your life, and then see all of your dreams come true without changing a little bit.

unless you’re deeply unselfaware or perfect.  and i am neither so there you go.

but it’s almost may. and here in gville, that means it’s graduation time.  and unlike a lot of the other mays that i’ve been in gville, this may brings with it a nearly stunning exodus of many of the people who have populated my stage for so many years. both of my roommates are graduating.  a bunch of the people that i genuinely like are leaving. it’s a strange, strange feeling.

because, actually, i’m kind of graduating too.

in my church, we have congregations solely comprised of young single adults. while i have been a trifle bit beyond the age ceiling of that designation for a while now (but i was leaving anyway, so i stuck around), they serve single adults from 18 to 30 and are an awesome way to be able to meet people who are in similar circumstances to you. once you get married or get too old for the congregation, you move on to more traditional ward (that’s what we call the congregations).  i have loved my ward and have really seen it change a lot over the years.

there’s nothing wrong with change.  i like the ebb and flow of it.  new people come in, people get married and move on to exciting new things.

but this time, somehow it’s different. i feel a little bit of sadness to see all of these people move on, even though i know that i too will be starting a life entirely different from the one that i have known for so long.  i know these things. i am excited for these changes.  i am not scared about getting married, not really very nervous about the changes that it will bring.

maybe, though, somewhere deep in my heart, doors are closing. they should be. it’s natural. but i always have these moments when, faced with a future i’m not familiar with and a past that i am, i look back with a hint of nostalgia at what i’m leaving behind.  i always do.

my apartment will be packed up.  one roommate is almost gone, the other will be about a week before i move.  girls that i have taken under my wing are now flying away, off to start their amazing lives.

and i am getting married.

i am very grateful for all of the people who have made my life in gville so much awesome.  i am grateful that some of them will still be around, that i will get to make new friends (probably “couple” friends…weird…), that i will have a new life that i’ve only ever dreamed of.

with all of this, i guess i say goodbye to my old life and hello to my new one.  in really concrete tangible ways which are only now starting to feel very real, as i contemplate what to move and what not to move and begin to prepare for my summer jobs.

that’s weird and awesome and mindboggling and sad…all at the same time.

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3 Responses to “hello goodbye.”

  1. Change is always different….I always look at change as a good thing although there have been many changes in my life that have been scary and have brought me to new levels! I know the change is your life is great and you are going to experience so much more happiness than you ever thought possible! I loved being single and have a lot of fond memories of that time but being married to my best friend is SO SO much better and you will find that same thing! I always look forward to reading your posts!

  2. I don’t accept your goodbye . . . because I’m part of the old life and I’m not a couple friend! (well I could probably be entertaining enough for 2 people . . .does that count?) haha . . . I’m just assuming that I get to be part of old life and new life (right? right?) haha. Love you.

  3. I remember feeling that way too — I graduated and got married about the same time. It was sad. I didn’t really fit in at institute anymore, I enjoyed all the people so much and then its goodbye. Distance myself. The my new ward, I had to start all over — ot took like a year to make friends. I was glad that I always had Eric to be my friend though.

    (Did you really lose 130 lbs? I can’t believe you had that much to lose!)

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