i have a brilliant idea.

i need clones.

i picture two.

one i’ll call “working carrie.” she’ll only come out for classes, and all the rest of the time she’ll have a computer and a stack of books. she will read, grade, respond to student emails, and in her off time from that will peruse the databases for brilliant critical interpretations of the novels that she teaches.

the second i call “bride carrie.” i will lock her in a closet with a crossramp, yogurt, low-carb bread, and distilled water. she will spend her time drinking heaps of water, ridding her body of toxins, and working her butt off…as literally as possible. she will periodically sit under a sunlamp for 15 minutes at a time so as to ensure the lovely bridal bronze…but not enough to ensure more freckles or skin cancer. i will only bring her out on august 8th.

this will ensure that real carrie can pack, sleep for the next two weeks so as to possibly get rid of the bags under my eyes, and not feel the least bit guilty for eating chocolate chips and pizza.

i think it’s a good plan, actually.

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One Response to “i have a brilliant idea.”

  1. Fantastic. It’ll be a mix of the movie “Carrie” (for the name) and “Multiplicity” (for the cloning). Just so fans of the former aren’t too mad, we’ll give wedding Carrie the ability to set fires with her mind.

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