i can’t remember who did it better…

…but someone did.

they started counting down the things that happened right before their wedding that blew their mind.

like when they bought milk with an expiration date post-wedding date. or when the 10 day forecast was what you got to look at…and it actually included your wedding day (she did that, of a kind…i am pretty sure she did the other thing too, but i can’t find it…).

it’s starting to happen to me.

the plague of death flu is apparently whirling around UF, and i have what is probably a combination of “oh my dang i can’t be sick” hypochondria and allergic reaction to the mold spores (which are excessively high) and the tree pollen (which is also high).  nevertheless, post-class found me in winn-dixie perusing the vitamin-c infused juices.

and i realized…all of these cartons expire after my wedding.

people have been asking me lots of “are you ready? are you excited? insert are you something phrase here?” questions.  the answers are, in order:

no way in heck, unless you’re talking about mentally. i ordered cupcakes from the bakery that screwed up my shower cake. it was tasty but ugly. so it’s possible that i will have the ugliest wedding cupcakes on the planet. if this happens, i will send one or two trusted bridesmaids to the local publix to find sprinkles and squeeze frosting and we will make something beautiful out of the chaos.

or i’ll make an announcement and people will laugh and still eat all 110 cupcakes and like them and think that i am the most laidback bride ever.

because i just don’t care.

when we went to see the church on sunday with the bff’s parents, to plan what we would need/do for setup, i could finally picture, as we were turning off all of the lights, what it will look like with hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of little white fairy lights everywhere.

and i felt the sudden urge to clap my hands and cry at the same time. i did one of those. i’ll let you guess which.

we have tablecloths and tabletoppers and a plan for decorations and all of the assorted stuff that we need for the reception.

i do not have all of my makeup, hair products, or the bra that i want to wear.  should i get on that? yeah probably. you know when it’s likely to get done? wednesday. of my wedding week.

it’s the only time i really have to breathe.

i do need to color my hair this week though. it needs a good week to settle in.

so am i ready? YES. and absolutely not.

am i excited?

YES.

but it’s hard to think about when i need to pack my entire house and move it and grade a million papers and read and plan the teaching of an entire novel that i don’t really want to read or plan.  it seems really far away, because the BIG.FAT.MOVE is standing in its way. i’m really hoping that once the boxes are into the house and my bed is set up and i have food in my fridge that i will be able to take a deep breath and start to get giddy excited about what will be happening the next week.

that said, i do get these crazy glimmers.

when we pull off our paper chain and realize how few links are left.

when his wedding ring gets shipped and he tries it on, just to be sure it fits, and it LOOKS like a wedding ring and ohmygosh we’re getting married.

when i pick up my dress and i’m scared to try it on because OHMYGOSH what if it doesn’t fit (it will. i know it will. i just get this way.) but it’s still hanging there, in a garment bag on my closet door, suddenly looking so very big and bridal.

when i realize that in two days we get our marriage license.

i get glimmers. and in those moments, i am so excited.

i just want, so much, to be able to take it all in.  there’s so much going on. i just want to have time to take it all in, to not let worry and stress and busy stand in the way of anything.  i don’t think it will. i don’t think i’ll let it.  because, honestly, i don’t care.

i don’t care if the cupcakes are ugly.

i don’t care if something goes wrong.

i don’t care about anything except marrying the bff.  once that happens? shucks. everything else is just a big story for the grandkids.

t minus 11 days, folks.

whew.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: