Archive for the forward my mail Category

the days are just packed.

Posted in bridal diaries, domestic goddess, forward my mail, going quietly mad, me, perfect brightness of hope, the engaged life, the glass is half FULL, the joys of living in Florida on July 30, 2009 by drbolte

today we got our marriage license.

as we were sitting there, signing documents and giving social security numbers and attesting to the accuracy of the information we had provided by raising our right hand and swearing that it was all true, i realized that this is the one time i’ll do that.

that was cool.

tomorrow marks the beginning of the big move. because of a series of what can only be described as hilarious timing debacles, i have to turn in my keys for this apartment by noon and can only pick up the keys to the new place at noon. so we’ll be loading all of my earthly possessions, save a few essentials and my mattress, into a uhaul cargo van tomorrow night.

i had been a bit worried about the move. there’s nothing like smashed toes and heavy boxes to bring out the very best of your personality, you know? but we had a heap of stuff to take to goodwill today, in the death humid hot, and we did it cheerfully.  my beloved bff doesn’t even seem to mind my procrastination or my need to do things my way and in my timeframe.  in fact, he seems to understand it and quickly falls into whatever helpful role i need him to fill.

it’s been wonderful.

i opened my wedding dress garment bag last night and saw, right before my eyes on the bodice, a small stain. the stain saga with my dress has thus far been confined to the sash, which is a really long story not worth rehashing because my future mil picked it up and said it’s perfect now, but now apparently there is one on the bodice of my perfectly white dress.  it’s smaller than a pencil eraser and is tan, not black or red or anything absurd. it would probably not even be noticeable.

but i noticed.

and i cried.  in fact, if i have cried hard about anything related to problems, stress, and misunderstandings related to the wedding, it was this. as the bff held me and i cried for my two minute freakout, i said “i just wanted one thing to be perfect–and it was my dress.”

you well know that i am trying very hard not to sweat the small stuff about the wedding.  but i wanted my dress to be perfect–at least for those initial moments that he sees me, that we take pictures, that we bask in the fact that we are now married forever and for always, no ifs ands or buts.  i don’t care about much anything else. if it rains, okay. we’ll figure it out.  if something goes wrong with the sound system, we’ll figure it out.  if the cupcakes are hideous, we’ll figure it out.

but my dress. ohmydress.

so i freaked out a little bit. he let me. and then he told me that he was absolutely sure that i was going to be exquisitely gorgeous and that we’d figure it out.  he’s right about the last part. mom comes on tuesday, i talk to her on sunday, and we’ll figure out what i should do.

or maybe i’ll just forget about it and realize that it, like me, is a bit flawed but nonetheless perfect for him and for that day.

i wanted to write a deep post about leaving and moving on and the strangeness of a house that is now in transition, about going by the new apartment and seeing that it’s empty and beginning to picture us there and thoughts of flower boxes and decorating, about moving on and moving out and moving closer to the rest of my life, about how strange it will be to be the last one in my apartment, the last night of my old life essentially, about how awed i am by the generosity of people i don’t even know, about how all of my fears are systematically being eliminated because of faith exercised so often and begun so long ago that it is now as familiar and subtly essential as breath.

but i can’t really do that yet.  maybe when i’m sitting in an entirely empty apartment, those thoughts will coherently come to me.  but right now, like the rest of my house, they are sitting in heaps and piles, to be sifted through and organized.

so much is happening. so fast.  and yet the miracle is that time has slowed just enough for me to do an insanely ridiculous amount of work in a short, short time.  but the true miracle is that i am recognizing all of the big stuff amid the petty chaos.

have you left me?

Posted in bff, family, forward my mail, Life, me, my amazing mother, superheckyes, the engaged life, the glass is half FULL on June 17, 2009 by drbolte

…or are you just melting somewhere in the death hot?

my main goal every single day lately is to stay alive in this heat and to stay hydrated at the same time. it takes effort, i want to tell you.

i’m off to nc tomorrow morning to spend a week with my family. it will be wedding preparationspalooza, with a side of going to the apple store and forcing them to replace my shorted out power cord and some time spent at the gym and blissfully asleep in the seriously air conditioned house, hopefully with a cat or two by my side. i feel like naps are definitely going to be in order.

i’m very excited. i don’t think i’ve been this excited to go anywhere for a while, and that makes me very happy. i can already feel the weight of stress leaving me.

changes of scene are good.

the bff is not so excited to see me leave, for which i feel a bit guilty.  i will miss him, of course, but i am thrilled to be able to go hang out and get taken care of by my mama.

i need it. i’m not ashamed to admit that at all.

the bff will be here, finishing classes and working at a new job and probably playing a lot of ncaa football 2009 and (i hope) doing fun things with his friends too.  i am hoping he will catch up on his sleep as well. and i am really hoping he will eat while i’m gone.

(i feed him a lot.)

come what may, it will be good. when i return, i will return to my first bridal shower and the start of the summer class that i will be teaching up until the wedding and the sprint to the finish.

the finish, of course, being the absolute bliss and blessing of starting our lives together.

i’m not sure if i’ll blog this week. i imagine i might, but i’m not sure. so keep me on your readers and i’ll pop back in when i’m back, when my computer is fixed, and with heaps of updates on lacy, frilly, pearly, gorgeous things i bought and fun times i had.

it will be good.

take care of yourselves and each other in the meantime. and drink some water, will you please? it’s hot out there.

insert appropriate title here, because dangit…i’m too tired.

Posted in bff, disney princesses got nothin' on me, domestic goddess, faith is action, family, forward my mail, i love my life, Life, me, the joys of living in Florida on March 16, 2009 by drbolte

what’d i do over the past week and a half? lemme break it down for y’all.

(and, yeah, some of it was countryfied. but wait for it. that’s when it gets good.)

  • went to a wedding in miami at the ritziest hotel i’ve ever been to…and realized that ritzy weddings and places just really creep me out. i am, as i told the bff, a jeans and flip flops girl. having a carving station and a pasta chef on hand during your COCKTAIL HOUR? wayyyyy over the top.
  • that said, i realized that i really do love weddings.  i just love temple weddings more.
  • won over the bff’s aunt in a BIG way (she said to the bff, and i quote but only secondhand because obviously i wasn’t there because how creeptastic would THAT be?, “so…your girl…i REALLY like her.” FOR.THE.WIN.  doesn’t suck that i totally loved her too.
  • wore my new outfit which was super sassy and managed to keep my lipstick on all night (thank you longlasting lipstick and that i finally figured out how to actually MAKE it longlasting).
  • got like three hours of sleep and then drove for 11 hours. and by drove, i mean intended to drive but almost killed us in georgia so only drove for one of those eleven hours because the bff is one hundred percent a prince among men. and i was dead on my feet.
  • spent sunday night through friday morning in nc.  went to grandfather mountain for the day on wednesday. but basically just spent every waking moment with the bff…and we didn’t even get tired of each other.  that’s amazing right there.
  • played wii for the first time. results? i SUCK at tennis. i WIN at boxing. knocked my cousin out. tko. take that, sucka.
  • i now very very very much want one. and a wii fit. because boxing? made me feel my arm muscles the next day. because i actually box.  and it’s actually hecka fun.
  • went to keaton beach on friday, after stopping in gainesville only long enough to shower and get ready to see the bff’s family again.
  • on saturday, i did the following things for the first time: participated in a hunt (didn’t shoot anything, but helped put out the quail for the hunt); watched quail being cleaned and wasn’t even the least bit grossed out (even though the guy who was cleaning them literally stopped and was going to wait for me to pass by because he thought that i would be grossed out.  what’d i do instead? watched him do it for like ten minutes. oddly fascinating, i think.  judge me if you must.); fished in the Gulf of Mexico (according to the bff, i’m pretty good) and caught a blowfish, which we promptly threw back, and part of an oyster bed, which i will bleach and keep as a memento of my awesome); rode on a fourwheeler (wow, was that awesome let me just tell you); DROVE a fourwheeler (got up to 43 mph thankyouverymuch).

other things happened and are happening and i really do want to talk about them but i can’t just yet which i know just makes you want to punch me in the face but i just can’t yet.

suffice it to say that it was an amazing spring break, full of big and small blessings on my right hand and on my left, and i’m sad to see it end.

real life sucks, but it’s here.

so i go grocery shopping and i try to recover from what is either the beginnings of a sickness or a serious reaction to the yellow coating of pollen that is covering every surface i encounter and i look for apartments for the fall and i apply for jobs and i try to figure out how everything will get done and i pray for strength and in the meantime i am so blessed that it’s not even funny.

i’ll never be able to show enough gratitude. i know it.

maybe knowing it is enough?

if you’re reading the signs, the arrows point to AWESOME.

Posted in bff, books are bliss, disney princesses got nothin' on me, etcetera, faith is action, forward my mail, i am not a gym rat, i love my life, me, superheckyes, teaching on March 6, 2009 by drbolte

so, not like i’m around here that much anyways (sorry! sort of! i really do want to write more! i promise!), but i’ll be off during spring break.  going to orlando tonight, then to miami for a wedding with the bff’s family, then to north carolina for some snow excursions (possibly tubing, possibly just enjoying the mountains…we’ll see…we’ll only be there for a day, so there’s not much time for me to try to learn to snowboard and not suck at it) and meeting my family and doing some other fun things, then back to florida for a bff family gettogether at their hunting/fishing property up north. i may or may not get the chance to drive/ride on a four-wheeler this weekend.  that’s exciting.

ANYWAYS.

i have been praying steadily for lots of confidence, peace, and assurance lately.  i need to not be nervous this weekend–i need to just be myself.  that’s hard when you feel like a fat blob, which is how i’ve been feeling lately, and like a giant failure.  so this week, i’ve been working at being confident.  let me tell you what’s happened thus far.

  • on wednesday, i went looking for shoes for the wedding outfit (i think i originally thought about getting some dressy flipflops because of my toe but BEHOLD i can wear certain shoes! hooray!) and i found these. you can’t tell me those aren’t awesome.  and the best part? they actually DON’T HURT.  and they’re sassy, tall, but don’t make me taller than the bff.  YES.
  • i went to old navy on that same day to take advantage of the $19 jean sale.  i went in there thinking that i would be buying one size, but then they were way too big.  i tried on the next size down and originally thought that they were too small.  but then i sat down…and they didn’t ride down (which on me is the surest sign that something is WAY too small…doesn’t contain my butt) and then i looked at my butt in the mirror. and sweet heck if it didn’t look GOOD.  heaven bless some snug-fitting jeans.  i think maybe it’s been so long since pants have actually fit well on me that i’m not sure what it looks like anymore.  oh, and i found a cami for $5 that i’d been looking for/needing and a pink shirt that’s ADORABLE and looks amazing with the jeans.  on the clearance rack.
  • i finished the draft of the dorothy wordsworth chapter. it’s short, but it’s done and i’m glad.  when i sent it to the director? sweet woman that she is congratulated me on finishing before spring break and didn’t once mention that i had set an original deadline of A MONTH AND A HALF AGO.  i love that woman.
  • remember the job in Jax? the commute four days a week for a decent amount of money?  guess who just got offered a job to teach a British novel course during summer b HERE in g’ville?  yep. that’s right.  i get to teach it.  and i don’t have to commute.  and i will probably get paid more.  and, given the crazy that will be going on this summer, it is the hugest blessing ever.
  • i kicked the gym’s trash this morning. got up at 7:30.  got there.  crossramped. ran for about 8 minutes on my foot.  could probably have gone longer but i had tons to do this morning to get ready to go.  burned 600 calories.  got outside and got a parking ticket but didn’t even care very much because today? i needed to feel like i could conquer the world.

i think it’s going to be an amazing week.

mesa vignettes.

Posted in bff, etcetera, fall is football, forward my mail, Life, perfect brightness of hope, superheckyes on February 3, 2009 by drbolte

i went to arizona this weekend, in case you didn’t know.  i was gone friday and saturday and returned late sunday night/early monday morning.  it was a long weekend, but wonderful, because i got to see one of my friends get married for time and all eternity to someone who is wonderful and really deserves her.  it proves that Heavenly Father’s promises are sure.  that was nice to remember.

a few highlights of my trip:

  • i saw bride wars for bachelorette night (oh yeah…we mormon girls go buck wild).  it was WAY cuter than i thought it would be.  if you haven’t seen it, you should.
  • i don’t think the weather could have been more perfect, but my feet DIED in the shoes i wore to the wedding.  i was really seriously in pain.  my feet have not been in closed toed shoes since, and if i can keep that trend going, i will. i think the 49 degrees tomorrow will kill it, but who knows.
  • i did not catch the bouquet. i definitely wanted to, but i didn’t.  the girl who did, however (there were only like four of us single girls of age trying for it…the rest were kids), gave it to me because i am dating someone and she is not.
  • i brought that thing home with me.  on two different flights.  i answered lots of questions about it, and let me just tell you…it’s a little weird to tell people that no, i wasn’t in a wedding. no, i was not the bride (yes, i actually got asked that…which i thought was WEIRD since i was not wearing a wedding ring or traveling with a hot husband but whatever…).  no, i didn’t even catch the bouquet. yes, someone gave it to me.  it was sort of funny.  hard to keep from destroying the bouquet on the sardine-like flights we took home, but…it made it home in one piece.
  • in the atlanta airport on sunday, we had a three hour layover. this layover was made INFINITELY more okay by the super bowl, which was playing on most every airport screen.  we sat with a bunch of random strangers and watched, cheered, and argued about whether or not that steelers touchdown was in.  one rather loud, sort of weird guy kept arguing that it wasn’t.  OF COURSE IT WAS. HE CROSSED THE PLANE OF THE ENDZONE. HIS TOES WERE DOWN. IT WAS IN.  GOOD GRIEF.  and that was rather my tone when we were all arguing about it.  and, yes, i do argue with random strangers in airports about football. thanks for asking.
  • i think i probably text messaged the bff most of every day that i was gone.  and then, last night, i proceeded to delete every single text message in my inbox…including all of the ones that i had hoped to save because they made my heart flip flop.  that SUCKED.  i’ve been assured, however, that there will be others to replace it.

that was my weekend.  i think i am not yet fully recovered from it, but i’m trying.  i find myself rather in need of either a real vacation on a beach somewhere or some serious buttkicking, pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps sort of sucking-it-upness.  i’m leaning towards the second with possible plans for the first later.  i have been told that such a vacation will help me with productivity.

maybe?

california dreamin’: days two and three.

Posted in dissertation, etcetera, forward my mail, holy smartness batman, i promise you that you won't care, me, School, teaching, will work for food on January 2, 2009 by drbolte

day two was panel day.

i dressed up, amazing black pants and the new teal shirt i got from the cousin for christmas. i looked good, i think, but you could tell i wasn’t incredibly invested in the conference because rather than suffering for my art in my kickin’ black heels, i opted for flats.

no one to impress, you see.

the best of the panels came at 830 am…the microblogging session about using twitter and new media (i.e. text messaging, blogging, etc.) in the classroom and what it means for our way of approaching literary studies and teaching. i really, really liked it. it was interactive, fun, engaging, and involved a BOO oklahoma icon from a UT prof.

i wanted to yell GO GATORS! but i didn’t.  be impressed by my professionalism.

that was pretty much the highlight of my day. the rest of them were fairly boring, even though i had great hopes for the travel writing ones.  they were good–don’t get me wrong. the scholarship was solid and the papers were certainly intelligent and thought-provoking. but i think my general sense of detachment abou the whole process made paying attention more difficult.

it could also have been the fact that 8500 people were at the conference.  that might have had something to do with it.

day three dawned much better, though.

SIGHTSEEING DAY!

we began by visiting what was perhaps the best concierge desk in the history of the world. he checked in at southwest for us, printed our boarding passes, gave us a map, and told us how to cheaply and efficiently reach all of our desired destinations.

then, we trekked out to see the painted ladies.

lest you think that was something squirrely, these are the painted ladies:

dscf0953

victorian houses.  GORGEOUS.  it was a wonderful day, as you can tell from the photo–full of sunshine and not very cold at all.  unusual for san francisco, but a blessing for us.

we then went to fisherman’s wharf, where we saw these:

dscf0969

those are the famous sealions that hang out at pier 39.  they were pretty cute.  we ate some fish and chips, wandered in some TACKY tourist shops, and headed off to ghiradelli square. we shopped some, ate some ice cream, and then got back in line to ride the cable cars.  the interminable lines.  or at least it felt like it…

there, we were privileged to be entertained by none other than…escapeman.

yeah.  he was in a straitjacket, chained to a pole. he proceeded to gyrate and seize until he had freed himself (admittedly a nice feat) and then asked us all for money.

it was odd.  it was hilarious. it was bizarroworld personified.

then we walked through chinatown, which was awesome because i bought a t-shirt for $1.88. i didn’t do that in nyc’s chinatown and totally kicked myself for it.  no one can say i don’t learn from my mistakes.

know what i DIDN’T buy in chinatown?

food.

(are you seeing a common theme? me and food…we need to be better pals that plan our interactions more frequently.)

oh well.

it was an awesome day, though. we felt like we managed to see much of the city by the bay for relatively cheap, and i felt like our walk through chinatown and back to our hotel felt like real travel and adventure as opposed to travel provided by an all-day cable car pass.

that may or may not make sense to you, but it does to me.

california didn’t disappoint, but by the end of day three, when i was preparing to get up at 330 to go to the airport for a 645 flight, i was ready to go home.

i hope the next time i go to the mla, i actually have a REASON to go.  you know, like real interviews or presenting a paper. i will say that my foray into giant conference world taught me that i am, in fact, smart enough to present at such an occasion, so next time i won’t be so intimidated.

but i was glad to get home, tired as i was.

and that concludes my travel stories.  boring, probably, but there you go.

you’re welcome.

shred day 9 (?) update: yeah, i tried to do level 2 again today and was pretty lame at it.  i am however (i think?) seeing muscle definition where there really wasn’t any before.  so, yay for that.  in related news, i am able to run a lot easier, except for today when my knees were not having it. i just don’t think that early morning is my time for exercise, as much as i wish it was. or at least not lately and not on a day when it’s maximum 40 degrees outside.

i’ve sort of abandoned the whole 30 times in 30 days thing since i took five days off for SF.  but i’m still committed to every day but sunday, and that’s kicking enough of my trash.

an open letter to my muscle groups.

Posted in c25k, faith is action, forward my mail, i am not a gym rat, i promise you that you won't care, me, mirror mirror on the wall on November 11, 2008 by drbolte

dear major muscle groups including the brain,

i just want to apologize in advance to you.

you sort of know, from today’s 3.25 mile jaunt in the morning and punishing crossramp interval session not twelve hours later, what’s coming. yeah, it’s going to be one of those weeks.

pure exhaustion. seeing how hard we can work. i have kicked it into high gear physically, and am aiming to kick it into high gear mentally tomorrow too.

i know.

i am sorry, but my will trumps your whining.  advil masks that pretty well.

just so you know, this should last approximately two weeks. then, if you need to, we can collapse a bit.  but for the next two weeks, please bear with me. give it all you’ve got.  let’s see how awesome we can be together.

my will and your strength.

it could be amazing.

love,

the determined one.