Archive for the friends Category

these? i roll with them.

Posted in blogging, friends, i'm so much cooler online, memelicious, the internets, Uncategorized on May 15, 2008 by drbolte

i was wondering what i was going to say today.

see, all i have to say has been funneled into what i initially thought was a crappy but now think is rather astute (perhaps bordering on brilliant, if i abandon our socially ingrained inability to SQUEEE! on our own behalf) essay on mary shelley’s frankenstein and percy shelley’s alastor. sending it off as a submission for the edited collection i wrote it for was an act of serious faith. i’ll worry, i’ll fret, i’ll try to let it go and move on, i’ll think about how i still haven’t heard about it or the fellowship or anything else for that matter and i’ll remind myself that there’s a reason why the Lord needs to teach me patience.

and then i’ll take a deep breath and go do something else…

…like read blogs.

because as i was trying to think about what to put on my own blog today, and started clicking through my blogroll as i do daily, i started realizing that i pretty much love all of you who write the blogs that have become so much a part of my everyday.

so…welcome to the celebration of a few of you, my bloggy friends, who have impressed me of late with who you are and how readily you share it.

do you know tortious? if you know tortious, you know courage. see, when i was thinking about this initially, i was going to ask you if you’d heard from her lately, because up here in “i worry about everyone and everything because i am me”ville, i was worried/sending her direct messages on twitter/checking her blog incessantly to see if she was back. then i checked. and she was. and she’s amazing. when we really face ourselves, our demons, look them square in the face and say “you know what? i’m scared, but i’m ready. so bring it.” we win. and tortious, you win.

do you know my roommate? if you do, you know someone with the biggest heart ever, with a love that’s quiet and not known to many, but that overwhelms you with its depth. read this and tell me it’s not true. she is becoming the kind of friend that knows you inside out, still likes you, and still makes you watch next and seinfeld because she knows it will make you laugh and what you really need sometimes is to not take yourself so darn seriously. i’ll not tell this to her face, because that’s not how we roll (awwwkward…), but i love her.

do you know law school girl? if you do, you know sass and generosity in equal and hilarious measures. i sing her praises often, because she has been a rock of my sanity over the past few months. she knows how amazing i think her, but did you know that she introduced me to sister hazel (and if you go to her blog, you get to have your very own concert courtesy of her media player?)? she has a supernaturally large affection for them. did you know that she’s obsessed with shoes? i mean seriously. did you know that she offered to buy me a plane ticket so that i could go to see my mom after she had surgery, so that i wouldn’t have to drive? did you know that i love her? did you know that anyone who knows her is lucky to be so blessed? i didn’t think so. she doesn’t blog much i think because she thinks she doesn’t have anything to say–crazy! jump on it! what are you, IN LAW SCHOOL OR SOMETHING? everything you say is amazing!–but she is a treasured friend and i love her to pieces.

do you know ohmygoshi? i didn’t until very recently, but if you do…you know sincerity and thoughtfulness. it radiates from her blog, this sense that she thinks and feels deeply about everything and that nothing goes unnoticed. she’s an old soul, that one, and i am glad to know her.

do you know LindzML? if you do, you know confidence. i don’t think i’ve ever met anyone who seems so completely at home in being who they are. and i know her in real life–and she’s got style, panache, and sass enough to take over any room but the wisdom and respect to know when it’s appropriate and when it’s not. i admire that very much. plus, she’s hecka funny. couldn’t have gotten through the semester without her, half of which she didn’t know i was reading her blog. hahahahaha. good times.

do you know chickbug and darling brookem? if you do, then you have answered the clarion call of coolness. they’re probably going to collectively kill me for this analogy, but i have to go with it. remember when you were in elementary school, and there were those older girls in a grade or two above you who were just SO.COOL? they knew the lyrics to all of the good songs that your mom wouldn’t let you listen to yet, they had those really cool Teen Beat magazines and they wore the most amazing clothes ever. they just had this…aura…of impenetrable coolness and you just completely wanted to be them. chickbug and brookem are like them…in the coolness alone (you’re not old, girls! i promise! that’s not the point!) because these are two of the most generous bloggy girls out there. they both have WAY more readers and fans than i do, and yet they come and are so generous to leave comments and be kind and just make me feel like i matter. they are just super cool in the best way possible–and they still ogle over cute boys and wear awesome clothes. and basically, i want to jump up and down and be like HEY! THEY’RE MY BLOGGY FRIENDS! AND THAT MAKES ME AMAZING BY EXTENSION! and if we hung out, i know we would be irl friends. and i think that’s amazing. and they both post pictures of food (steak tips and sandwiches anyone?) and it makes me heart them even more.

i haven’t even scratched the surface, and that makes me a little sad, so i’ll encourage you to pay it forward. who are the bloggers that you love, that you read every day, that you think exhibit the qualities that you’d like to have or that just make your days better?

thanks to all of you, especially those of you in my blogroll, who make my day a little bit brighter. i feel like i’ve found kindred spirits in many of you–and you anne of green gables fans know those are powerful words.

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owwws.

Posted in etcetera, friends, grrrrr., holy smartness batman, the joys of living in Florida on May 1, 2008 by drbolte

went to the beach today.

hilarity ensued.

and burning.  stupid burning.

behold my stupidity:

you’re going to think…no, those most be shadows.  what IS that on her feet and why does it start so abruptly at her ankles?

that’s sunburn, kids, and the reason is because i put the SPF 30 on (well…not well enough on the back of my legs…did i mention OW?) but apparently thought the white whiteness of the tops of my feet were immune.

because clearly my brain has shut off entirely.

sigh.

pardon me while i stop blogging and flip over onto my stomach (way hard to blog that way, i would imagine).  any sunburn remedies?  i’ve tried the vinegar (i smell like a salad), took a hot shower (not very bad at all, actually), and am putting aloe on it.  but really?

owwws.  and worse? it’s all my own stupid fault.

but it was SO much fun.  i love florida.

she just can’t see what all the fuss is about.

Posted in blogging, faith is action, friends, Life, magic on April 9, 2008 by drbolte

brandy wrote a post a while back about what her students thought was beautiful. it, in and of itself, is a beautiful post, as are most things she writes. i posted a comment with some things i think are beautiful, and i’d like to put them here and add some more and keep the chain going with your comments. because, you know, sometimes life is just hard and you’ve got really nowhere to go with that.

and beauty makes it better.

so…what is beautiful to you?

here are a few from me:

…sincere i love yous that you can feel–-and see

…cats all curled up, paw over head, in the exact position that i would be if i could be, in the sunshine.

…waves crashing on a beach at night when all you can really see is the foam.

…when i’m brave.

…my grandma’s hands. gosh, i miss her.

…those moments when you see a man hold a door open for a woman, or take her hand to help her up the stairs or out of a car, and you feel like you’ve intruded on something so intimate and sweet that you feel privileged to have witnessed it.

…uninhibited laughter from girls who believe in themselves, even if just for that moment.

…the Orlando temple at night, all lit up. i don’t think i’ve ever had a building take my breath away like that.

…when words fail you and you find another language in which to mourn.

afraid to just believe.

Posted in blogging, disney princesses got nothin' on me, etcetera, friends, i hate vegetables, i love youtube--so sue me, mirror mirror on the wall, you have to be a chick to understand, you want me to walk HOW far? on March 24, 2008 by drbolte

inevitably, the days that you determine, fiercely and with implied accountability associated with it, not to blog are the days that stuff keeps happening that seems blogworthy.

(i thought about cheating a little bit, and coming on here to blog it so that i didn’t forget, but that seemed to just completely negate the whole purpose of the anti-blog/anti-facebook mentality, so i resisted. be impressed. i was.)

of course, that means that i can’t remember at all what it was that i wanted to blog.

funny, that.

the inevitable conclusion of this fact? the things that i would have blogged must have been the chinese-food-equivalent of blog topics–they seem great, scrumptious, and satisfying at the time, but they are gone too soon and it feels like you never really had them at all.

(that metaphor seemed a lot better in my head than it ended up here. yeah.)

i have awards to give…get excited.

most random and surprising talent: this one goes to hot dogs. wait for it. so, i left the grocery store without buying hot dog buns, so i decided to slice the hot dogs up and fry them ala sausage or kielbasa, like my mom used to. i can’t say that i’ve ever done this with hot dogs before, but it made sense to me. so, i’m minding my own business, getting the rest of the stuff ready as the hot dogs are cooking and as the pan gets hotter and hotter, i start seeing something moving in the pan out of my corner of my eye.

they were FLIPPING THEMSELVES OVER! i swear. the little pieces of hot dogs, as they were cooking, were flipping over. i’m assuming it has something to do with the water content of the pieces?

definitely the coolest thing i’ve ever seen in the kitchen. it’s the ultimate lazy person food preparation bonanza.

“i know you think you’re cool, but you’re really not” condolences: i will say that, for the most part, my experiences at the gym on campus have been really good. people are there for one purpose–to exercise–and they come for that purpose. i appreciate that. i don’t try to look cute for the gym. what’s the point when i leave looking like someone dunked my whole head in hot water? yeah, that’s what i thought.

but i noticed, as i went to the gym on friday afternoon and saturday morning, that a…different…crowd was populating the cardio room. these were the people, it seemed, who were maybe a little bit more impressed with impressing others. i’ll just say that i am not really impressed with someone who spends the 15 to 20 minutes she’s on the stairmaster on the cell phone.

(now, i’m going to say…in all honesty…that i was probably jealous. at that point, i had been on the treadmill for like an hour and, while not yet dying, probably couldn’t imagine a day when i could be on the stairmaster for any bit of time without my lungs wanting to forceably remove themselves from my body. full disclosure.)

nevertheless, really? you can’t let it go to voicemail? it’s just obnoxious. it really is. and how can you even HEAR over the treadmills, stairmasters, ellipticals, rowing machines, et. al?

i just don’t get it.

funnest easter activity EVER: peep wars. go read about it here.

my training song–in more ways than one:

(best lyric: “i just watched his wildest dreams come true…not one of them involving you.” checkmate. one of these days, i’ll be that cool.)

the best reason to look forward to memorial day weekend:

when that music began to swell in the theatre, i literally got giddy. and, oh dear…shia.

i’m SO excited.

the “they chose clumsy over THIS to release as a single?”:

(don’t bother to watch the video…just listen…and pay attention to the lyrics.)

the most amazing song that i’ve heard in a good long time. i’m rather ashamed that it’s by fergie. oh well. what are you going to do?

well, there you go. more to say, but i don’t know how to say it and it’s 1:11 a.m. and i have to be up in 5 and a half hours and yeah.

happy monday, all.

letters the third.

Posted in faith is action, family, friends, ghetto life, i love my life, my amazing mother, perfect brightness of hope, someday I'll be a real middle class girl, Uncategorized, wish i may wish i might on March 7, 2008 by drbolte

dear crazy weather that belongs not in winter,

i understand that terms like “rotation” and “warning” are meant to make me be smart and take cover. what they really make me want to do is crawl back under the covers and hum a little tune loudly until it’s all over. either that or go screaming madly around town, possibly saying something along the lines of “it’s the end of the world!”

(and i don’t feel fine about it, fyi.)

so, if you could NOT bring your tornado self quite so close to my ghetto-but-loved apartment with its inhabitants, furry, human, and reptile, that would be swell.

many thanks,

the girl who thinks flying monkeys and a tin man don’t quite make up for the head trauma.

dear dr. ng,

you frickin’ rock. thanks for the clean margins and for having an amazing bedside manner for a surgeon. i watch grey’s anatomy occasionally. i know how bad it could be. instead, you make mom confident–and that makes me happy.

may your practice thrive and your name be praised throughout all the land,

your newest groupie/fan.

hey law school girl.

yeah, you!

i love and appreciate you more than you know. you deserve every good thing. i couldn’t be getting through all this without you. or i could, but there’d be a lot more of the crazy.

and you KNOW where the crazy leads.

someday we’ll be friends in the same time zone again. i can’t wait!

your gchat partner in crime.

dear REM sleep cycle (not to be confused with the supremely amazing band to whom i referred a few short lines ago),

please give me a break. i’ve had one sublimely great night’s sleep since i got back. i’m headed for futon land again tomorrow. please? for the love of my sanity, could i sleep…a lot and well?

in case this request is at all unclear, this would include NOT the following: ambient noise that wakes me up enough to not sleep well but not enough to be awake and productive (hello thunderstorms and dripping rain spouts outside my window), loud neighbors, tossing and turning, fitfulness, nightmares, the phone ringing, or anything else that could possibly disturb me.

also, if you could throw me another one of the dreams like i had night before last (aka the sublime sleep night), that would be super. appreciate it more than i can say.

many thanks and all that (we won’t mention that this is your JOB). don’t make me quote hamlet and that to sleep perchance to dream junk.

awcrapijustdidit,

the girl who is just craving the covers to be pulled over her head.

dear you,

you can’t burn a bridge and then rebuild it out of twine and a prayer and expect it to hold the weight of a real friendship.

please stop trying. my attempts to navigate this are swiftly becoming the straws that might just break this camel’s back.

yours in cliched phrasing, chillin’ on my side of the proverbial water,

me.

to whom it clearly refers:

you are my optimistic cheerleader, my valiant support system, my crazy comedy show, my stuffed giraffe hug. you are merry-go-rounds and card games, road trips and pumpkins, waiting in line and getting lost in traffic. you are random silly quotes that make me laugh and surprising kindness that makes me cry. you are inspiration and frustration. your writing is eloquent, your thoughts perceptive, your heart incredible. you are trustworthy. you are a dreamer. you show up. you have exquisite faith. you are beautifully flawed. you are you. people who think they know you don’t see the half of how amazing you truly are.

i do.

LOVE!

c.

aftermath.

Posted in disney princesses got nothin' on me, drama drama drama, faith is action, family, friends, magic, my amazing mother, perfect brightness of hope, you have to be a chick to understand on February 23, 2008 by drbolte

well, i guess it’s good that all this news came on a week when i was PMSing already, huh? hey everybody! you get double the mood swings, but for half the time.

i’d take it if i were them. seems like a deal.

it’s strange how you don’t even really realize what’s going on with you until you realize that the stupid things are sending you over the edge.

you yell at your roommate for wanting to wear a belt to blockbuster. i know. don’t ask.

you nearly cry when you realize that your roommate’s dog peed in your laundry hamper. it wasn’t the end of the world. it was contained and it all came out. wash it twice. it’s all fine. but still? a few waterworks.

you fret deeply about whether or not someone who should be of no consequence whatsoever, with whom you have a rather rocky past and who you really don’t trust/shouldn’t interact with anyways, is mad at you for making the right decision for yourself that might have possibly brought some inconvenience/disappointment to him.

i’ve decided that my filter is off. you know the filter. the one that allows you to think before you speak, to make those split second judgments of “wow, that would be a terribly mean thing to say” or “i should really be kind to her…she’s had a long, long day”. the ones that keep you in civilized society and out of the whole “socially awkward” realm of existence.

it’ll come back.

in the meantime, i’m thinking that staying away from people is probably best for a while. chillin’ in my room. doing some laundry. grading some papers. watching some dvds on the computer. maybe getting some reading done too.

i feel like a baby a little bit. it’s not like it’s happening to ME. it’s not like i’m sick or having to have surgery or having to do radiation or anything like that. it’s not like i’m even that scared, really. i’m not. i mean, i am scared for the road that mom has to travel, but not where that road will end up. i don’t know if that makes any sense.

i don’t really think I make any sense right now anyways, so perhaps i’ll leave you with the following things that have brought me great joy in the past few days:

  • the movie martian child with john cusack. i’m already a cusack family fan, but this movie is seriously splendid.
  • how much i actually DIDN’T hate becoming jane, even though their factual footing was seriously flawed. i didn’t spend the whole time, jane austen scholar that i am, yelling at the screen. anne hathaway was lovely. james mcavoy was beautiful. it was gorgeous.
  • the multiflavored twizzlers? with the different colors? YUM. and you don’t feel guilty about eating twizzlers like you do about eating chocolate, so it’s double the pleasure, double the fun!
  • talking to a friend for ages and ages over IM about our mutual idiosyncratic psychoses. it’s been good times. she helped me write the email telling my best friend about mom. i didn’t want it to be all “woe is me…worry! worry! worry! even though you’re 10,000 miles away and can’t do anything or even call me to check up on me, please freak out and get distracted from what you’re there to do” so…she was my editor. she has kept me a little more (read: a lot more) sane than i would normally have been. she’s amazing.
  • my AMAZING idea to make little envelopes for every single day during mom’s radiation that she can open before or after she goes. it’ll be like an advent calendar…but with no ornaments and instead little quotes or sayings or comic strips. it’ll be good. i’ve been having some luck with finding scriptures, but if you have any good quotes or funny things that you think might be good, let me know!
  • my faith. i would be moorless and anchorless without it. i know where i come from, where i’m going, and who’s on my team. i know the power of prayer, the power of fasting, the power of hope. i know Heavenly Father is on my team always, so i’m happy to know that i can call on Him anytime.
  • that my students are just the coolest in the entire world. when i am crazy in class, they just roll with it. i am completely myself and they seem to really enjoy it. and i get such a rush from standing up there and realizing that i sound really, really smart–and i’m not even trying to. YAY for my dream job. YAY for looking forward to everything related to that experience. YAY for realizing that i will, in fact, rock at my career.

well, i’m off to put some semblance of order into my disordered universe. meaning, i’m going to try to clean. we’ll see how well THAT turns out.

thanks for the prayers. thanks to you who read (so many of you who I don’t know) who have sent up a good thought for my mom. it’s a kindness that i can never repay, but please know that i am grateful and that they matter to my family. probably much more than you even know. many more thanks to those of you who live in my real world who have been amazing to me with your offers of help and your support–you know who you are–and who have helped me remember that i should just be myself (NOT the crazy pink ribbon queen!) and deal with it the best way that i know how and who help me by just being you.

it helps more than you know, even when you don’t say anything at all. really.

bullet(ed)in

Posted in blogging, celebrities, dissertation, etcetera, family, friends, i hate vegetables, Life, teaching, the joys of living in Florida, The Single Life on February 4, 2008 by drbolte

Back, ever so briefly, to say a few things:

  • February is looking rosier, mainly because I am making plans to make my own fun.  I was doing that at the beginning of the fall…and then life rose up to meet me and smack me in the head with its surprises.  I hope it does the same again…but I hope I’m wiser this time.
  • YAY for the Apple Store replacing my optical drive AND cleaning my computer at the same time…and doing it all on MY ideal timeline.  Love them.  Love Macs. Never going back.  EVER.
  • Back on the diet/exercise bandwagon tomorrow. I’m actually getting up to go do some kind of activity for many minutes on some machine in our apartment workout room with the roomie.  Yay for plans that involve, if necessary, my roommate pounding on my door and reminding me that I need to get my butt out of bed.
  • Teaching’s been going amazingly well.  Here’s knocking on wood and hoping it continues.
  • I am officially addicted to the Twilight series. Seriously, if you haven’t read them, you’re crazy.
  • Do you ever have moments when you missing someone hits you so hard it’s like a wave, an almost tangible feeling?  Happened just a few minutes ago for me. I’m always surprised by it.  Always.  That also surprises me–I should be used to it by now, shouldn’t I?
  • The dissertation continues. Goal to make this week: complete draft of the close readings for a chapter…basically everything but the secondary source stuff done.  I think I can make it.
  • Mom’s having a biopsy next week or the week after.  I’m not freaked out yet–it’s happened before with nothing bad to report–but the words “fast growing” never strikes me as comforting. If you pray, could you pray for her? I’m really not at all sure what I’ll do if it’s bad news.
  • I hate that McCain won Florida.  Of course, I also hate the fact that I forgot to change my address on my voter registration so I couldn’t vote in the primary. Actually, I’m rather ashamed at that.
  • I forgot how addicting iTunes shuffle is.  Currently?  “Baby One More Time” is playing.  Sigh.  Oh Britney.  I sincerely hope you get yourself together.

Off to bed.  Sigh.  Another week.

Where do they all go…and why are they passing so slowly and so quickly at the same time?