Archive for the i am your american idol Category

newsbreak without the benefit of ritalin.

Posted in blogging, domestic goddess, ghetto life, i am your american idol, i love my life, i'm so much cooler online, roommates, teaching, the internets, the joys of living in Florida, TV and me are pals, Uncategorized on May 14, 2008 by drbolte

i had a ridiculously productive day yesterday. it was nice…odd, but nice. i do believe cleaning my room and transforming my desk from the junk mail pithole of death chaos into an actual work space has–SURPRISE!–made me more apt to sit there and, say, work.

whatever. a place of order encourages ordered thinking? what kind of NONSENSE are you talking, drbolte?

i will cease and desist.

but i thought maybe i’d update you on what i’ve done because i would rather do anything but do yoga, which is what i should be doing but instead i’m here.

shut up.

so…yesterday i BUILT! A! WEBPAGE!

i know. cue the violins, hearts, confetti, and attractive men giving me heaps of money. it is that much of an accomplishment.

(they don’t do that? crap.)

see, the university i work for has a rule that you have to publish your syllabus on the internet for easy access to students. i interpreted this, after the great hard drive implosion of 2006, to mean any way i could get it on an internet site, including webct, would work because i had lost all of my files and could not see a way to replace them without losing my mind.

i actually do not think that’s what they mean, however, so i am trying to make it more accessible and abide the spirit of the law as well as the letter of the law. also, my previous website is just…not okay.

(it’s blue.  enough said.)

but cue frustration, because heaven help me if i can figure out how to ftp the gorgeous thing to my webspace. i did it successfully (ultimately…i have foggy memories of this kind of frustration) on the computer that is no more (sigh. poor drbolte’s first macbook. it had so many pretty pictures and purchased songs and irreplaceable documents on it that i never backed up…yeah.). but now i can’t figure it out.

good thing i can just post it from school without much effort, huh? because, apparently, it requires NO! BRAINS! WHATSOEVER!

yeah, we’ll see.

THEN…after i BUILT! A! WEBPAGE! i wrote my cv.

let me tell you what.  it took me like three hours.  because really, how am i supposed to remember what the name of the presentation that i gave at a graduate conference in 2003 was?  how am i even supposed to remember what the graduate conference was ABOUT?

(you know where all of that information is? poor sad first macbook.  le sigh again.)

(oh.  and that whole thing about keeping up your CV as you go along.  VERY good plan.  i’m onboard.  because dissertation writing = brain suckage and you don’t keep the memories of the things that don’t matter very long.  knowing the biographical details of random d-list stars…important.  knowing what you have or have not accomplished in your life…apparently not so much.  drbolte’s moral of the story: don’t wait seven years to write it.)

thank heavens for google, let me just tell you.  i googled myself.  and came up with some stuff i did. and then i remembered some stuff i won and tracked the official names down via google.   and then i made it all prettiful (i love me some papyrus font.  for reals.) and it looks like maybe i actually do something in daily life instead of sitting around blogging all of the time and whining about doing yoga. and eating cookies.

because i did that too.

inbetween the great four hour CV construction and the FTP HATES ME debacle, i baked some cookies.  don’t be too impressed. they were from a mix, so the extent of my pastry chefing was melting some butter and adding some chocolate chips to make them oatmeal CHOCOLATE CHIP cookies instead of just regular oatmeal.

because regular oatmeal cookies are boring, duh. so maybe you can be a little bit impressed.

because them is good cookies and made the roommates smile (and yell at me for MAKING! THEM! FAT! to which i laugh maniacally and suggest they hide somewhere for the next week because it is SUGARPALOOZA over here!) so it was a success.

i also watched some american idol while i was saving the world multitasking and i just have to digress immediately right now to say this:

i tried not to like you, david archuleta. you look 12 and your dad is a creepy stage dad and i fear you are about to walk in the ballad-loving footsteps of one clay aiken, who now makes me shudder with his complete creepiness and his stylist’s decision to use eye makeup…

…but i redheart you.  you’re a great singer.  i know you tried to take on chris brown and sort of lost, and who the heck chose a dan fogelberg song for you because really you don’t even know anything about that guy and it’s a terrible song anyways (when i was 3 i was telling mom to turn that junk OFF!), but i see potential for you.

you should win!

because david cook taking on steven tyler?  lame.  i don’t know WHAT simon was talking about.

the end.

and then i edited my too-short article that i condensed from my too-long masters thesis and i think it’s infinitely less stupid and much more brilliant now.  and while i did that?

i listened to the jack johnson station on pandora radio.  do you know about pandora radio? i know about it because law school girl is flippin’ amazing and told me about it (i don’t keep up with what the cool kids do, if you didn’t know. i’m always about six and a half minutes behind.).  it’s awesome. you should go there. it’s completely free and easy to use and full of wondrous nuggets of aural amazement.

and in the midst of this i decided that the soundtrack to my summer (yes i do know where that line comes from, thankyouverymuchiloveboyslikegirls) is going to be populated by boys who play guitar–namely jack johnson and kenny chesney, with appearances by ben harper (how did i not know that i am in love with him?) and brad paisley.

what’d you do yesterday? and who’s on your soundtrack to summer?


it’s summer!

(sigh.  yoga time. dangit.)

news from the underground.

Posted in celebrities, i am your american idol, TV and me are pals on April 10, 2008 by drbolte

it’s 1:32 a.m.

i’m watching rock the cradle (why do i insist on writing cradle of love first?) on MTV and cursing cox cable for their intermittent outages, even though they warned me by obnoxiously polite voice mail that they would.

(they don’t seem to understand that gainesville is a college town and people are up at all hours trying to get things done.)

(ahem. or in theory that’s what they’re doing.)

come with me on my journey into this and other entertainment related observations born of the two jolly ranchers lollipops i ate to try to keep myself awake, my brewing headache, and my ever-present dissertation guilt.

(yeah, yeah. oh the humanity of it all.)

(don’t act like you’re too good. you know you think about this stuff too.)

all right. rock the cradle.

it’s a great premise. thanks, MTV, for finding more reasons to, say, NOT play music on your station. but, uhm, did these people get like any audition at all?

because screeching out avril lavigne (and comparing that love song to your relationship with your father?)? disturbing. very, very disturbing.

also…landon brown. you are pretty. i’m sorry that your father is bobby brown and that that was hard when people dressed up in orange jumpsuits for halloween and pretended to be him. i’m sorry that i kind of found that funny. it’s not your fault. did i mention you’re pretty? i would comment on your musical stylings, but cox…oh cox.

i’m just going to give you the benefit of the doubt, okay

also, E! online is reporting that ashlee simpson is engaged to pete wentz of fall out boy fame. apparently he got her dad’s permission to ask her.


and while you’re at it….kim kardashian? anyone? can anyone really explain this?

and one more thing…flavor of love 3?!? i’m baffled by how there could be one, let alone a sequel. and don’t get me started on tila tequila. oy. the state of our world.

(can i please have lost back? please? please?)

(ooh! ooh! one more! what should i dye my hair? blonder? darker? i just don’t know…it looks pretty good with anything, although i think the darker/redder works better with my skin. all i know is that i have roots and i have gray hair–don’tgetmestartedit’smyclass’sfault, andthediss, andmom’scancer, andi’mOLD!–and it’s time for a change! yaya! so…i’m taking suggestions.)

and on these perplexing notes…i’m back to the Gothic novel.

although i truly think E! and MTV are far more frightening.

oh. my. GOSH.

Posted in hilarity, i am your american idol, i love my life, you have to be a chick to understand on April 4, 2008 by drbolte

i don’t even understand.

but i’m SO freakishly excited.


EDITED TO ADD: uhm…jonathan knight is still single.  to this i have to say…welcome back, delusions of celebrity crushdom.  welcome back.

sweet merciful heavens

Posted in i am your american idol, Life, me on November 28, 2007 by drbolte

do you know this song? “tattoo” by jordin sparks, the latest american idol winner?

it is lyrically TERRIBLE. “you’ll be on my heart just like a tattoo”?



but it’s like CRACK.  see, it starts out sort of compelling.  and then it gets stupid. but by that point, it’s already needled its way into your head and lives there, like a tapeworm, just soaking up any extra moments of idleness, until you find yourself singing “just like a tattoo…i’ll always have you” like it’s something to be proud of.


i am humiliated every single time.

in other news, i have discovered that the double-edged sword of loyalty is not being able to let go very easily.


in other news, my best friend is the best person on the planet and the one who singlehandedly, 100%, restores my faith in humanity.

and one more…

Posted in blogging, etcetera, i am your american idol, me on September 6, 2007 by drbolte

could i procrastinate ANY more?


she’s your good childhood friend, you met her last week,
he’s your orthodontist’s dog walker’s son
if you love all of them and you use the same words
how can you make me believe i’m the one?

the old men in suits that talk of U.S. inflation
aren’t speaking of just dollars and dimes;
they could easily be talking about love’s circulation
and how your value just hit some hard times.

your love isn’t love if it’s common and known
to anyone that you’ve ever met
don’t tell me you love me; it’s empty for now
until you make me believe you forget.


you’re angry–you say, “words are just words;
and my actions speak louder than all.”
it’s true, i could listen to your arms around me,
but i’d like to avoid this close call

see for me love is sacred, the words precious and true–
i don’t toss them around just for sport;
competing with the memory of all your past adorations
is exhausting and i always fall short.


Your words don’t say anything worth listening to
when you have just passed them around

Your words don’t say anything worth listening to
when you have just passed them around

updated: i write the songs that make the whole world…groan?

Posted in blogging, dissertation, etcetera, i am your american idol, me on September 5, 2007 by drbolte

Yeah, so I wrote some lyrics today.

A pal of mine asked me to, to which I was like “uh, no.”

And then, I woke up this morning and desperately wanted to procrastinate the day of my dissertation work had some stuff on my mind that needed expression and so I started working on it. It was sort of a challenge–could I do it? Maybe an offshoot of what I wrote about yesterday on Velveteen Mind.

This is what i have. Yeah, i’m pretty sure it’s not cohesive. Yeah, i’m pretty sure I’m not Bernie Taupin (and if you don’t know who that is…wow.)

And, in the spirit of abandoning fear, I’m posting it here. Don’t steal it. Consider it copyrighted, sucka:

if i wished to see the world through your eyes,
would it be a better place?
full of butterflies and our sunset talks,
crazy love and amazing grace?

could i capture your smile in a bottle,
and wrap my fearful heart in yours?
would i finally understand what you see in me,
and why we are met by only slamming doors?

life’s full of wishing times,
when words seem empty and the stars too bright,
when all i want is your hand in mine,
but all i get is this prayer tonight.

wish i may and wish i might…
but you’re too far away on this perfect night
so my love for you is wrapped up tight
in the wish i make on a distant light

when i wished to see through your eyes,
i didn’t know you’d begin to see through mine–
a world colored by an imperfect heart and
the flickering spark of divine.

can you see my swingsets and silly laughter,
perfect moments and rain-soaked dances?
the way i love you when there’s no reason left
and how you keep me taking chances?

Say of it what you will. I just am not entirely sure what’s missing yet. I’m gonna let it percolate while I wax brilliant on how Austen uses the trope of travel to describe information and gossip.

(Yeah, you know you’re impressed.)