Archive for the i love my life Category

i have given myself eleven minutes to blog.

Posted in bff, bridal diaries, faith is action, going quietly mad, i love my life, i promise you that you won't care, me, the engaged life, will work for food on May 14, 2009 by drbolte

lucky you all, eh?

what’s new with drbolte? well, i’m tired. i’m working now again, so that’s good.  the job prospects haven’t dramatically changed, but i’ve had a few nibbles, so that’s a good thing. i’m still actively seeking and in the process am selling my skills in ways that i haven’t done in a while. i’m trying right now to decide whether to hold out hope for a full-time public school job or jump on the multiple part time opportunities that are funnelling themselves my way.  i really, really want benefits that i don’t have to pay for, but i feel like right now it might be wise to jump on what is available rather than waiting around.

waiting around hasn’t proven fruitful of late.

but i don’t like to settle or to demonstrate a lack of faith, so i guess i’ll keep thinking and praying about this and pursue everything equally right now. i’m not in the position to have to make any decisions right now, so that’s good.  but if i get enough part time stuff, i might just call the job search a day.

it’s exhausting and stressful and as long as we have sufficient for our needs, i’m good to go.

in wedding news, i’m trying to finalize my look in my mind. i thought i had it down–i’m speaking specifically of hair here–but upon running it by my mom, who brought up some sad realities about my very fine and thinnish hair, i am sort of back to square one.

which saddens me.

i want thick, long hair and to look like a supermodel.


but i found some hair things on etsy, which is where i had been recommended to look, and i think it will all work out. maybe i’ll end up doing a whole host of things. i found one set of three hair pins that are gorgeous, but i’m not sure if they’re enough. maybe i’ll ask if she can make me some smaller versions of the hair pins special order.

and if you can’t tell, i’m just spewing information at you. i hope you don’t mind. and if you do…well, i really don’t know what to say about that.

i ordered engagement pictures today. we found a feature on that makes collages for you. we made a bunch of different ones, since they’re completely random and you have no control over the positioning of the pictures (argh…let me tell you), and then chose our favorite. i had been keeping some of the pictures that we were thinking of originally using as a single print a secret from facebook so that no one would see them before they got their announcement/invitation. but now we ended up using seven pictures, so heaps of them were already on facebook.


oh well.

those 200 pictures? only cost me 32. i am a budget wedding balla. or so say all.

i’m now on the hunt for another joann’s 50% off coupon so that i can get my other box of invitations and get these bad boys done. how is it halfway through may already? i have two weeks to get these done without missing my timeline.

you know what would help with that?

if addresses weren’t so fetching hard to get.  when they tell you start ahead of time collecting addresses?


(lindzml…i’m looking at you. start now. and actually, if you are going to send invitations to some and announcements to others, start even earlier, because the list will balloon out…it’s nuts.)

i wish people would just respond. but, to be fair, most people have been fantastic. it’s been awesome. i got TONS on the first day i started asking. and as they now trickle in, i just pop them into my word documents with my codes for who is getting what and it’s good.

i have a feeling that the lingering few that i don’t have are going to BUG me.

oh well.

in other news, i think i may have found some shoes that are dance-friendly (LOTS of dancing happening at my reception…oh how i wish i could talk about it…) and look comfortable and are white. i thought about doing the whole colored shoe thing, but i think it would look weird. and i’m too matchy matchy to pull that off really.

but they’re like 40 dollars. if they’re dyeable, so that i can turn them into something that i can wear later to work or something, then i will do it. if not…i might keep looking.

oh shoes.

i found a florist, though, for a RIDICULOUSLY cheap price. my bouquet? about 75. and it’s exactly what i want. bff’s completely matching bout? 10. groomsmen? 8.

i love my life sometimes. it was meant to be. the first two florists wouldn’t even talk to me because it was mother’s day weekend.

(i get it. busiest time ever. but one of them? wasn’t even doing anything. and i can’t help it that i don’t live there and i don’t want to drive back down to orlando for no purpose other than to look at flowers. that’s a duplication of effort that is unnecessary.)

i brought in pictures and i feel fairly certain that my flowers will be GORGEOUS. i am not worried. they won’t look exactly like my pictures, but they will be beautiful and bright and i won’t have to do it myself. and they’ll order the flowers for the bridesmaids’ bouquets for us so that we can do them ourselves.


so that, combined with training for a possible new online teaching job, has been what’s going on. you are sufficiently updated, i feel, although i don’t know that i have properly expanded on any of these things but have instead given you a stream-of-consciousness deluge.

but it’s now been 14 minutes.

oh well. dangit. back to some kind of work.

hello goodbye.

Posted in bridal diaries, etcetera, faith is action, i love my life, the engaged life, the joys of living in Florida on April 27, 2009 by drbolte

so i’ve lived here for almost five years.

let’s all stop and go WOAH, shall we?

because in that five years many many many things have changed.  i have changed.  the world has changed. but mainly, i have changed. and since this is my blog, you’ve probably heard me talk about that a time or two. i don’t really think you can go through the phd process and lose 130 pounds and find the love of your life, hope he really is the love of your life, keep hoping for a long time while dating people who weren’t the love of your life, and then see all of your dreams come true without changing a little bit.

unless you’re deeply unselfaware or perfect.  and i am neither so there you go.

but it’s almost may. and here in gville, that means it’s graduation time.  and unlike a lot of the other mays that i’ve been in gville, this may brings with it a nearly stunning exodus of many of the people who have populated my stage for so many years. both of my roommates are graduating.  a bunch of the people that i genuinely like are leaving. it’s a strange, strange feeling.

because, actually, i’m kind of graduating too.

in my church, we have congregations solely comprised of young single adults. while i have been a trifle bit beyond the age ceiling of that designation for a while now (but i was leaving anyway, so i stuck around), they serve single adults from 18 to 30 and are an awesome way to be able to meet people who are in similar circumstances to you. once you get married or get too old for the congregation, you move on to more traditional ward (that’s what we call the congregations).  i have loved my ward and have really seen it change a lot over the years.

there’s nothing wrong with change.  i like the ebb and flow of it.  new people come in, people get married and move on to exciting new things.

but this time, somehow it’s different. i feel a little bit of sadness to see all of these people move on, even though i know that i too will be starting a life entirely different from the one that i have known for so long.  i know these things. i am excited for these changes.  i am not scared about getting married, not really very nervous about the changes that it will bring.

maybe, though, somewhere deep in my heart, doors are closing. they should be. it’s natural. but i always have these moments when, faced with a future i’m not familiar with and a past that i am, i look back with a hint of nostalgia at what i’m leaving behind.  i always do.

my apartment will be packed up.  one roommate is almost gone, the other will be about a week before i move.  girls that i have taken under my wing are now flying away, off to start their amazing lives.

and i am getting married.

i am very grateful for all of the people who have made my life in gville so much awesome.  i am grateful that some of them will still be around, that i will get to make new friends (probably “couple” friends…weird…), that i will have a new life that i’ve only ever dreamed of.

with all of this, i guess i say goodbye to my old life and hello to my new one.  in really concrete tangible ways which are only now starting to feel very real, as i contemplate what to move and what not to move and begin to prepare for my summer jobs.

that’s weird and awesome and mindboggling and sad…all at the same time.

if exhaustion was a biscuit, and i was a little hot dog, my life would be a pig in a poke.

Posted in bridal diaries, dissertation, i love my life, me on April 16, 2009 by drbolte

i feel so tired.

at first, i just thought i was whiny PMS girl.

but then, yesterday, after sleeping the bulk of the day, i took a shower to go to Institute.  and even after taking a shower and feeling like i didn’t look like gum on the bottom of someone’s shoe, i still felt like i was walking through mud.  that usually means that i am a) sick or b) dying or c) sick or d) dying.

i’m going with a and c.

but it’s not the kind of sick where you’re like sniffling sneezing coughing aching stuffy head give me the 90 proof nyquil sick. it’s the my body is clearly fighting something off but i still feel guilty for not running stadiums or shredding or for eating cinnamon toast in general instead of dinner.

so yeah.

if exhaustion was a biscuit and i was a little tiny sausage dog, i would be one of those pigs in a blanket things that are yummy to eat with grape jelly.

in other news, i will be spending all weekend in my bed, probably with turtle pajama pants on, working on a) revising the dissertation chapter that i’ve been reading crap for for two weeks and b) the wedding, for which i have created a master to-do list which feels VERY incomplete but which makes my life feel more manageable. this weekend i will likely break each part down into infinitely smaller pieces.  that will also help me make my life more manageable.

also, why are all bridal bouquets insanely expensive and is it possible for me to just order an arrangement of gorgeous flowers and wrap the dang thing myself with the $2 ribbon that i bought at michael’s? because my mom thinks that we should get my bouquet done by someone PROFESSIONAL rather than gathering Publix flowers together on the day before, and i see the merit of that position, but everything i’ve seen online is UGLY and white or all red roses and HELLO I DON’T WANT ROSES AT ALL and in order to talk to someone you have to sign over your first born child and guess what all i want is red and yellow and orange flowers with some sunflowers and daisies the end.

but the minute the word wedding is involved, suddenly the price skyrockets and my head starts throbbing with the wholesale injustice of it all.

so i might just order a summer bouquet, with the caveat (that’s the word of the day, folks…the $10 word of the day) that it must contain gerbera daisies and sunflowers (small ones are good!), and not tell them at all that it’s for a wedding because HELLO who cares i can wrap those bad boys with floral tape myself who cares.

but we’ll see.

so if you know of a decently priced florist in orlando (lindzml, i’m lookin’ at you…), let me know.

so yeah. turtle pajama pants and big time productivity. they go hand in hand, don’t you think?

conquering this day.

Posted in bridal diaries, dissertation, domestic goddess, etcetera, i am not a gym rat, i love my life, me, mirror mirror on the wall, perfect brightness of hope, the engaged life, the glass is half FULL on March 30, 2009 by drbolte

i woke up with hopes of getting a lot done today. i quickly felt daunted by how to do it all and fit it all in.  they’re all such disparate tasks–everything from stadium stairs/ramps and a mega cardio workout to harassing my apartment building into finally submitting the stuff for the new apartment to lighting a fire under my butt and starting the dissertation again to talking to my mom about the wedding and life and everything since i haven’t talked to her in a week–and it felt impossible to really do them all.

that’s a pretty common theme in my life. i do okay if in one day i am asked to do three things that are all common–laundry, clean the house, cook dinner–but if you ask me to use different skill sets, i start to wonder if it’s possible.

i’m not sure if that’s pretty universal. is it?  i’m not sure if i’ll ever get better at it.  will i?

but what i know is that when i start thinking that way, everything gets colored by the stress crayon and i start to see things in a completely skewed way. i don’t love it.

so here i am again, focusing on the positive.  and updating you.  see? i’m multitasking already.

1. found a dress this weekend.  it was the cheapest one that i tried on. it fit PERFECTLY. it was simple, elegant, and beautiful, it had everything that i wanted but never knew i imagined that i did want.  i can picture getting married in it.  and i cried a little. oh. and it’s on sale.  🙂 did i mention that i looked small?

2. found a reception site. it’s perfect. it has a really good homey feel to it–not too spread out and big, not too small.  it has hooks in the walls already so that we can hang lights and do all kinds of things.  we figured out how we want to set it up and it was an amazing feeling, planning the day with the  man that i love.

3. i went to the stadium this morning, even though i thought that i would skip it. success number one.  i burned 757 calories. success number two. i ran some, in several interval spurts, and i felt lighter on my feet than i really ever have.  no trudging, really.  success number three.

4. i’m about to go make this new apartment thing happen, since i’m tired of waiting on the incompetence of the world.

5. i’m not letting the fact that i am seriously and 100% plateaued with the weight loss freak me out too much.  all i can do is all i can do, right? i just REALLY want to be mega hott for my wedding.  all i can do is all i can do.

details. details. details.

Posted in bff, i love my life, magic, superheckyes, the engaged life on March 24, 2009 by drbolte

i’m a detail girl.

i love the idea of finding ribbon in yellow and red, arranging bouquets, even making cheap corsages for the moms.  i love that junk.

but ask me to conceptualize what the place will look like, or how to manage the food, or how to get everything done?

i want to die a little inside.

but that’s neither here nor there because you want shmaltzy proposal details, don’t you?

well, here you go.

we’d been talking about getting married for a while. we’d looked at rings. i fell in love with one, which made it pretty easy on the bff.  i knew he’d ordered the ring.  i knew when it was supposed to get here.

it didn’t come on the day that i thought/wanted/desperately hoped that it would.

i cried.  stupid, maybe, but i SO wanted to be engaged.  it wasn’t a silly girly desire to be engaged. it was that we were already planning and thinking and talking and i just wanted to TELL SOMEONE.  but i couldn’t, really. or wouldn’t.  not until it was official and everyone important to us knew.

so. wednesday sucked.

(also? completely PMSing. i think i wrote about it. now you know why i thought i was insane.)

thursday i woke up feeling less crazy and infinitely more peaceful.  i knew it was going to be that day. i don’t know how i knew. i just did.  and even though the bff did all he could to make me think it wasn’t going to be that day (he hadn’t been home all day–BUSY day for both of us–and we checked his mail together…and there was nothing), i just knew.  i doubted a little when there wasn’t anything in the mailbox.  maybe, i thought, i was going to have to be patient.

patience is a virtue that i am being tutored in, don’tcha know.  so it wouldn’t have been outside the realm of possiblity.  but just like with most things lately with my relationship with the bff, i just knew. i knew what was happening before it was happening–up to a point.

we went to the playground.  the bff had sort of danced around what i wanted in a proposal ages earlier. i didn’t tell him, but in my mind…that’s what i thought. i didn’t want a big scene somewhere–that would just be embarrassing. i wanted it to be there, at that place we call our own.

when we arrived at our playground, there were couples everywhere. okay, maybe there were three. but it seemed crowded. so instead of stopping at the first set of swings, we went to the swings in the back of the park. we swung (swang?) for a while until i started to get motion sick.

oh yeah, kids. my proposal story features nausea.  would it be a story with me in it if it wasn’t tinged with the ridiculous?

so we stopped swinging and walked back toward the merry-go-round…which is our favorite. but the idea of sitting on one more dizzying, moving piece of equipment made my stomach lurch a little, so instead we sat on the platforms between the slides.  it was high but solid and i started to feel better.

as we were walking towards the slides, i began to think that maybe it wasn’t going to happen.  i remember specifically thinking to myself: “i am determined to make this an awesome night with him no matter what happens.” i didn’t want to be disappointed anymore. i just wanted to enjoy these precious moments at my favorite place with my absolute favorite person.

we began talking a little bit about our day and what we’d done when the bff told me that he’d written me a poem. i asked if i was going to get to see it, and he said that he had it with him, in his pocket.

that’s when i knew for sure.

so by the light of oncoming headlights (and NOT his cell phone, which i suggested might be an additional light option but which, only later did i learn, he dismissed because he knew he was going to need two hands), he read me the most beautiful poem that he wrote about me.

then he got down on one knee, pulled the ring out, and asked me to spend forever with him. the ring sparked in the tiny amounts of light.

i said yes without any hesitation.

then i cried.

because when your dreams come completely true, sometimes it hits you how amazingly blessed you are.  and when things are more perfect than you could have ever imagined, despite how dizzyingly imperfect you are, it hits you that life is sometimes kind and Heavenly Father loves us more than anyone can ever fathom.

so that’s my story.

i’m marrying my best friend, the person who has changed my life the most, the person who makes me braver and stronger than i ever thought i could be just because he believes in me, on august 8th.

i’m happily exchanging the single life for something much different, with its own set of challenges and joys and excitements and frustrations.  so, i guess i’ll christen a new category too.  for now it’ll be “the engaged life.” i’ll think of something more creative for august 9th.

thanks for all of your good wishes and heartfelt congratulations. i have been inundated with love and it’s been marvelous.  i’m excited, already crazed with wedding planning, and maybe the tiniest bit nervous (but not much) about married life.

but mainly? i’m just exquisitely happy.

love is forever.

Posted in bff, i love my life, love thursdays, superheckyes, the glass is half FULL, wish i may wish i might on March 20, 2009 by drbolte

i’m getting married.

let’s all take a moment, shall we?


i would say finally, because i have waited a VERY LONG TIME, or so it seems, for this day. but oddly, it doesn’t feel like a finally moment. it instead feels like all of the waiting, working, wondering, wishing, praying, hoping, and moving forward in faith was absolutely worth it.

i’d do it all again in a heartbeat.

he is worth the wait.

a friend, who i haven’t spoken to in a while, asked me how i knew it was right.  this is what i told her.

just the way it happened…it had a life of its own, but not in that really crazy manic way. just in a slow, steady, full of the Spirit, you know already where it’s going but it’s happening in its own time way.

we are partners.

we slipped really quickly into roles that we thought that we would not be good at, but we are together.  he makes everything easier for me and challenges me at the same time.  i love who i am around him.  he quiets the chaos of the world for me, and makes it easier to face life.

he makes me laugh.

we are best friends, at the core of everything, and we also have chemistry and are crazy in love.

it never occurred to me that it wasn’t right because everything about it is good.

and the way it happened–very slowly, very deliberately, very clearly orchestrated by Someone other than me–made it pretty clear as well.

and finally, i can’t imagine a day without him in it.

i am getting married.

can i get a WOOT up in here?

stories, details, and plans later. i promise.

reasons why today is definitely NOT sucking.

Posted in bff, domestic goddess, faith is action, i love my life, perfect brightness of hope, superheckyes, the glass is half FULL on March 18, 2009 by drbolte

if you’re my friend on facebook, you know that i had a lead on a RIDICULOUSLY cheap apartment ($395 a month for a one bedroom) that wasn’t actually in the scary gang-infested, graffiti-laden, i-can’t-possibly-be-home-alone-without-a-really-big-dog-or-a-loaded-gun ghetto.

(and, yes, i looked there. and yes, i was afraid. and, yes, maybe that makes me less of a person but whatever.)

it was a miracle that i found it, randomly, one night at 2 a.m. when i felt inspired–no, a better word is impressed–to check around for apartments. see, my lease is up in august and i need a place to live and i need it to not cost $100 million because, you know, i’ll be out of school soon and so will have to start paying the student loans back and i don’t have a job yet.

so, you know, the cheap apartments are top on my priority list.  being not homeless is also one of them.

when i found this place, it seemed perfect.  had been recently renovated, had pictures of the inside, and the address to drive by it so that i could see that it wasn’t in the scary ghetto…just in the rundown ghetto. which i am totally down with, jeans and flip flop and lower middle class aspiration girl that i am.

so i made an appointment  to see it.  and in the 36 hours between when i saw the outside and i got to see the inside, i was worried. wouldn’t EVERYONE jump on this deal? wouldn’t this be just the hugest hottest commodity on the gville real estate market? wouldn’t EVERYONE want to see it?

so i went today, with the bff, to see it.

and it was PERFECT.

closets for miles. i’m serious. one entire wall of the apartment, almost from front door to back wall, is closets.  with deep shelves. a storage closet, for all of your miscellaneous cleaning tools.  an enormous linen closet with heaps of deep shelves. two closets in the bedroom, with hanging rails AND shelves.  i mean seriously. it could not have been more perfect.

the carpet is beige and relatively new and in really good shape.  the place had a good vibe, was clean, and had lots of light.

it felt like it could be home really easily. i really really want to make it a home.

the worst thing about it? was a really, really old oven.

and seriously? if that’s the worst thing about it?  i can completely deal.

so the real estate guy was all “you don’t want to make a decision now…think about it and come by the office and fill out an application.” and i was like “uhm…applications are done. can i write you a check for the fee?”

and then i asked the golden question: how many people had looked at it?

we were the first.

and, here’s hoping, the last.

it’s an answer to many a prayer, and i am SO grateful.

so that’s checked off.  moving on to the next challenge.  and boy howdy do i have some coming up…

insert appropriate title here, because dangit…i’m too tired.

Posted in bff, disney princesses got nothin' on me, domestic goddess, faith is action, family, forward my mail, i love my life, Life, me, the joys of living in Florida on March 16, 2009 by drbolte

what’d i do over the past week and a half? lemme break it down for y’all.

(and, yeah, some of it was countryfied. but wait for it. that’s when it gets good.)

  • went to a wedding in miami at the ritziest hotel i’ve ever been to…and realized that ritzy weddings and places just really creep me out. i am, as i told the bff, a jeans and flip flops girl. having a carving station and a pasta chef on hand during your COCKTAIL HOUR? wayyyyy over the top.
  • that said, i realized that i really do love weddings.  i just love temple weddings more.
  • won over the bff’s aunt in a BIG way (she said to the bff, and i quote but only secondhand because obviously i wasn’t there because how creeptastic would THAT be?, “so…your girl…i REALLY like her.” FOR.THE.WIN.  doesn’t suck that i totally loved her too.
  • wore my new outfit which was super sassy and managed to keep my lipstick on all night (thank you longlasting lipstick and that i finally figured out how to actually MAKE it longlasting).
  • got like three hours of sleep and then drove for 11 hours. and by drove, i mean intended to drive but almost killed us in georgia so only drove for one of those eleven hours because the bff is one hundred percent a prince among men. and i was dead on my feet.
  • spent sunday night through friday morning in nc.  went to grandfather mountain for the day on wednesday. but basically just spent every waking moment with the bff…and we didn’t even get tired of each other.  that’s amazing right there.
  • played wii for the first time. results? i SUCK at tennis. i WIN at boxing. knocked my cousin out. tko. take that, sucka.
  • i now very very very much want one. and a wii fit. because boxing? made me feel my arm muscles the next day. because i actually box.  and it’s actually hecka fun.
  • went to keaton beach on friday, after stopping in gainesville only long enough to shower and get ready to see the bff’s family again.
  • on saturday, i did the following things for the first time: participated in a hunt (didn’t shoot anything, but helped put out the quail for the hunt); watched quail being cleaned and wasn’t even the least bit grossed out (even though the guy who was cleaning them literally stopped and was going to wait for me to pass by because he thought that i would be grossed out.  what’d i do instead? watched him do it for like ten minutes. oddly fascinating, i think.  judge me if you must.); fished in the Gulf of Mexico (according to the bff, i’m pretty good) and caught a blowfish, which we promptly threw back, and part of an oyster bed, which i will bleach and keep as a memento of my awesome); rode on a fourwheeler (wow, was that awesome let me just tell you); DROVE a fourwheeler (got up to 43 mph thankyouverymuch).

other things happened and are happening and i really do want to talk about them but i can’t just yet which i know just makes you want to punch me in the face but i just can’t yet.

suffice it to say that it was an amazing spring break, full of big and small blessings on my right hand and on my left, and i’m sad to see it end.

real life sucks, but it’s here.

so i go grocery shopping and i try to recover from what is either the beginnings of a sickness or a serious reaction to the yellow coating of pollen that is covering every surface i encounter and i look for apartments for the fall and i apply for jobs and i try to figure out how everything will get done and i pray for strength and in the meantime i am so blessed that it’s not even funny.

i’ll never be able to show enough gratitude. i know it.

maybe knowing it is enough?

if you’re reading the signs, the arrows point to AWESOME.

Posted in bff, books are bliss, disney princesses got nothin' on me, etcetera, faith is action, forward my mail, i am not a gym rat, i love my life, me, superheckyes, teaching on March 6, 2009 by drbolte

so, not like i’m around here that much anyways (sorry! sort of! i really do want to write more! i promise!), but i’ll be off during spring break.  going to orlando tonight, then to miami for a wedding with the bff’s family, then to north carolina for some snow excursions (possibly tubing, possibly just enjoying the mountains…we’ll see…we’ll only be there for a day, so there’s not much time for me to try to learn to snowboard and not suck at it) and meeting my family and doing some other fun things, then back to florida for a bff family gettogether at their hunting/fishing property up north. i may or may not get the chance to drive/ride on a four-wheeler this weekend.  that’s exciting.


i have been praying steadily for lots of confidence, peace, and assurance lately.  i need to not be nervous this weekend–i need to just be myself.  that’s hard when you feel like a fat blob, which is how i’ve been feeling lately, and like a giant failure.  so this week, i’ve been working at being confident.  let me tell you what’s happened thus far.

  • on wednesday, i went looking for shoes for the wedding outfit (i think i originally thought about getting some dressy flipflops because of my toe but BEHOLD i can wear certain shoes! hooray!) and i found these. you can’t tell me those aren’t awesome.  and the best part? they actually DON’T HURT.  and they’re sassy, tall, but don’t make me taller than the bff.  YES.
  • i went to old navy on that same day to take advantage of the $19 jean sale.  i went in there thinking that i would be buying one size, but then they were way too big.  i tried on the next size down and originally thought that they were too small.  but then i sat down…and they didn’t ride down (which on me is the surest sign that something is WAY too small…doesn’t contain my butt) and then i looked at my butt in the mirror. and sweet heck if it didn’t look GOOD.  heaven bless some snug-fitting jeans.  i think maybe it’s been so long since pants have actually fit well on me that i’m not sure what it looks like anymore.  oh, and i found a cami for $5 that i’d been looking for/needing and a pink shirt that’s ADORABLE and looks amazing with the jeans.  on the clearance rack.
  • i finished the draft of the dorothy wordsworth chapter. it’s short, but it’s done and i’m glad.  when i sent it to the director? sweet woman that she is congratulated me on finishing before spring break and didn’t once mention that i had set an original deadline of A MONTH AND A HALF AGO.  i love that woman.
  • remember the job in Jax? the commute four days a week for a decent amount of money?  guess who just got offered a job to teach a British novel course during summer b HERE in g’ville?  yep. that’s right.  i get to teach it.  and i don’t have to commute.  and i will probably get paid more.  and, given the crazy that will be going on this summer, it is the hugest blessing ever.
  • i kicked the gym’s trash this morning. got up at 7:30.  got there.  crossramped. ran for about 8 minutes on my foot.  could probably have gone longer but i had tons to do this morning to get ready to go.  burned 600 calories.  got outside and got a parking ticket but didn’t even care very much because today? i needed to feel like i could conquer the world.

i think it’s going to be an amazing week.

i had a plan when i started this post. i promise.

Posted in bff, etcetera, faith is action, friends, going quietly mad, i love my life, Life, me, sigh, teaching, the glass is half FULL, the joys of living in Florida on February 27, 2009 by drbolte

i wonder if, from the outside, it would look like a giant step backward for me to go back to teaching middle school.

i think it’s almost hilarious that i want a job in a charter school teaching 8th grade english so bad.  i ran away from those kids just a few years ago. Now i want to go back…just about the time that all of my past students are old enough to be students of mine now–in college.

sigh. i’m old.

i’ve been thinking about the way a changing life changes your priorities. i used to have ambitions of tenured professorship. i always knew, though, that it wasn’t the position i loved–it was the job. teaching. i really love to teach in whatever venue i get to do it.  i love it.  i’m good at it.  i love making a difference. now my dreams are much different. i want a job that will allow me to do what i love while striving to achieve goals.  i just really don’t care much at all about prestige.  or even money, really. all i want is sufficient for any needs.  i want enough to build the life that i want–and that has nothing whatsoever to do with money.

i used to be a social butterfly. i used to be the one who made things happen, who created the fun, who had lots of friends. now i feel like my group is changing, shrinking–as if the sifting has begun and the notable few who love me no matter who i am dating or what i am doing have risen to the top and the others have sort of…fallen by the wayside.

thank you to those of you who are still around and who act now like you always did.

i would like to say i don’t care.  it’s not that i particularly do…just that i don’t understand it and sheepishly wonder if i did the same as a single person.  i feel like this topic is a post that i’m not sure that i’ll write.  i think a few of you will understand, though. if you do, message me (lindzml…i’m actually thinking of you…but anyone is good).  what do you do when this happens?  i feel like i should feel guilty, like i should chase after those people who seem to have left me behind. but the reality is that i have left a lot of my old life behind in favor of a new one that is certainly different but is absolutely right.  am i being selfish?

i don’t feel like i am.  i don’t feel like i am any different, except that my focus has shifted.

but i feel a little fracture in my heart that the people that i thought would be my friends always, who i thought would be actually happy for me, have not been that way.  how it seems like when i am with the bff, i am invisible to them.  i get at once sad and angry.  and then i think…maybe it’s for a purpose. maybe it’s all part of the natural course of things.  i am moving on.  that must be apparent.

(apparently, most things about how completely and totally nuts in love i am with the bff is communicated via metaphorical  surround sound to those around us…even though we think we’re the only ones who know and sort of try to not be all HEY LOOK AT US WE’RE IN LOOOOOVVVVVEEEE around other people.  except in my house. because that’s my house and oh well.)

but it’s still sad.  and annoying.  and i’m not really sure there’s anything to do. i know that there’s a time and a season for all things, and i am on board with that. i think i am seeing that in action right now.  but it’s still hard to realize that when one season begins, the other ends.  i think i’m in the overlapping period, that time when the chill of winter still remains but spring has pretty much taken hold.

i guess i never really expected to miss winter.