Archive for the i love my life Category

coming up for air.

Posted in bff, bridal diaries, disney princesses got nothin' on me, dissertation, drama drama drama, etcetera, faith is action, i love my life, magic, me on June 5, 2009 by drbolte

hi all.

thanks for letting me vent in the last post. thanks to those of you who chimed in with responses.  i’m sure it will all get done and i am sure that i will get better at asking for help. in the meantime, though, i came up with a plan that is already helping me.

a. stop worrying about the dissertation.

that’s right. i’m officially calling it.  dissertation is going on real hold (not that actual hold that it’s been on while i fret and worry and feel guilt-infused over not doing it) until after the wedding. i just don’t have time, even if i used every available moment of my spare time, and even if i did, i am too frazzled to do much of substance.  so it’s on hold.

and, as my wise mama said, if we are prioritizing tasks based on their due date, that one’s last anyways.

she’s brilliant, my mom.

b. read wedding blogs every day. specifically, in my days of stress, weddingbee is keeping me sane. i skim it over, revel in the bridalness, and am suddenly grateful that i am doing things the way i am doing them.

and it usually inspires me to start thinking/planning things that i need to be thinking/planning.

c. be kind to myself. or, in the wise words of a friend of mine, create small manageable goals.

yesterday, that was to workout hard and to straighten my room.  i did it. i also tried to make homemade donuts, which i realized i have neither the patience nor the oil stores to do effectively. therefore, yesterday was a success.

i also painted my toenails. crappily, but they’re painted.

in the new vein of being kind to myself, i’m just going to let them be crappily painted until i have the wherewithal or the time to do it again.  and lighting. i clearly need better lighting.

d. keep breaking the chain.

did i tell you about our paper chain?  i can’t remember, so i’m telling you anyway. if you’ve already heard this, could you, i don’t know, talk amongst yourselves for a moment?

we created a paper chain, the bff and i, to count down to our wedding. you know, in case the countdown on my facebook page and on my blog wasn’t enough (which it’s not).  we wanted some kind of tactile way that we could do it.

it makes the days when it seems like it will NEVER get here go by faster.

especially as we are getting perilously near the two month loop. whoo!

e. find things like this...

and just know that, come what may, my wedding is going to be amazing. and very much me.

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i’ll admit it. it’s beginning to get to me.

Posted in bff, bridal diaries, dissertation, drama drama drama, etcetera, i love my life, i promise you that you won't care, Life, me, mirror mirror on the wall, sigh, the engaged life, the glass is half FULL, wish i may wish i might on June 3, 2009 by drbolte

last night, while i was sitting in institute, i realized that i have about zero weekends between now and the wedding that are not already planned/carved out/offer no opportunities for relaxation or beach trips.

this weekend: friend of bff’s visits, i meet for the first time despite having an email/facebook/texting relationship. i will be cleaning. also, one of my roommates is moving out for reals (i.e. she’s been gone for a while, but her furniture’s still there, so…she’s really leaving this weekend.  so…there’s that.

next weekend: otown for bridal gown bolero shopping/measurements/planning. take dress to be altered. father’s day.

weekend after that: in NC (finally! i haven’t been home since march and not since i was officially engaged) with mom, doing all sorts of wedding stuff that will hopefully alleviate some stress but is likely to be jampacked with wedding stuff, including meeting with my NC bridesmaids to talk dresses and jewelry and squee a little and my bridesmaid/photographer to talk shot lists and to get her what she needs.

weekend after that: my first shower in otown, filled with people i don’t really know yet very well. note: this is the weekend before i begin teaching my summer class(es).

weekend after that: 4th of July. i’m guessing we’ll be up north frolicking on the boat with the bff’s family. sounds like restfulness, but it’s still somewhere to be on my best behavior. depending on the teaching schedule, i may or may not bow out of this. however, i get friday off…so maybe it won’t be so bad.

weekend after that: my NC shower. i fly out on friday night, attend the shower on saturday late morning (which i’m REALLY excited about), fly out on sunday afternoon.

weekend after that: my gville shower on friday night (aka girls night…). saturday i have free, but will likely collapse. or, don’t forget, that i’ll be teaching, so i’ll probably be grading grading grading grading.

weekend after that: the weekend before i move, aka the packing weekend. i very much doubt i’ll get much done before that.

weekend after that: we move all of our stuff into our new apartment. as of right now, me and my stuff will be homeless for about 2 1/2 days.  i’m hoping to use my considerable powers of persuasion to convince the apartment complex to let me stay. we’ll see how that flies. but i will take up residence in our new place that day, and the bff will stay at his place until we’re married.

weekend after that: WEDDING!

this sounds like complaining, doesn’t it.  i’m not complaining.  i’m just…absolutely overwhelmed by the magnitude of it all.  my attitude used to be to chuckle and say WHOOO! when i talked about how crazy things were going to be.  but i’m tired already, and i think it’s simply the weight of everything that stands between now and august 8th.

i have classes to plan for that i haven’t even started, really, other than constructing a syllabus. i have an online gig that i have to finish. i have to find out if i’ll be teaching another upper-division class in the fall and, if so, i’ve got to plan that deal because i sincerely doubt that they’re going to let me not have a syllabus to them as it gets to be a month or so before classes begin. i have a room to pack and, what’s more, i have TONS of crap to wade through and get rid of.

(luckily, mom is doing a yard sale in NC when i’m there the first time, so i’ll be hauling copious amounts of stuff up there to see if i can sell it. if not, it will go to goodwill there and i will be done with it. but when will i have time to gather all of that stuff together?)

and let’s not even talk about the dissertation, which i haven’t touched in a month. at all.

this all sounds like complaining still.  like everyone doesn’t have a busy life.

i know.

i’m venting.

it’s my blog. it’s where i do such things.

but…how? how do i do it all? the bff, oh how i love him, says i can do anything and, thus, i can do everything.  i adore him for thinking that, but i want to know HOW.  how can i do it all?  how can i get everything done?

it seems impossible.  truly.

and how do i keep my wits about me when all the world is losing theirs?

oh, let’s face it…when i’m losing mine?

suggestions? is this normal? am i a bridezilla?

i think i have lost all perspective.

nesting.

Posted in bridal diaries, etcetera, i love my life on May 28, 2009 by drbolte

the birds in my apartment complex, since a few months ago, have taken to sitting on my window most every morning.

i realized this when i thought that the scratching and tapping that i heard was wasps trying to get in–last summer we had problems with that, and i definitely wanted to be prepared before i got surprised one late night by a buzzing intruder.

but no. i was so happily surprised to see that it was a bird.

she (i’m going to say it’s a she because this is my blog and i have no way to know) has been my fairly consistent neighbor for these months. sometimes, through the haze of sleepiness, i hear the tapping and it makes me smile.

i consider her a symbol of all of the joy in my life.  today, as i was sitting here addressing announcements and invitations and watching enchanted (seems appropriate, doesn’t it? i wanted 27 dresses, but can’t find it in my dvd stack…), another bird (perhaps my friend?) landed on our living room window to get out of the wind.

i said hello.  he (for some reason i think it’s a he…yeah, i don’t know) stayed for a minute and then left.

another symbol of my happiness.  they’re all around me.

i’m glad that i’m seeing them.

i have given myself eleven minutes to blog.

Posted in bff, bridal diaries, faith is action, going quietly mad, i love my life, i promise you that you won't care, me, the engaged life, will work for food on May 14, 2009 by drbolte

lucky you all, eh?

what’s new with drbolte? well, i’m tired. i’m working now again, so that’s good.  the job prospects haven’t dramatically changed, but i’ve had a few nibbles, so that’s a good thing. i’m still actively seeking and in the process am selling my skills in ways that i haven’t done in a while. i’m trying right now to decide whether to hold out hope for a full-time public school job or jump on the multiple part time opportunities that are funnelling themselves my way.  i really, really want benefits that i don’t have to pay for, but i feel like right now it might be wise to jump on what is available rather than waiting around.

waiting around hasn’t proven fruitful of late.

but i don’t like to settle or to demonstrate a lack of faith, so i guess i’ll keep thinking and praying about this and pursue everything equally right now. i’m not in the position to have to make any decisions right now, so that’s good.  but if i get enough part time stuff, i might just call the job search a day.

it’s exhausting and stressful and as long as we have sufficient for our needs, i’m good to go.

in wedding news, i’m trying to finalize my look in my mind. i thought i had it down–i’m speaking specifically of hair here–but upon running it by my mom, who brought up some sad realities about my very fine and thinnish hair, i am sort of back to square one.

which saddens me.

i want thick, long hair and to look like a supermodel.

IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!?

but i found some hair things on etsy, which is where i had been recommended to look, and i think it will all work out. maybe i’ll end up doing a whole host of things. i found one set of three hair pins that are gorgeous, but i’m not sure if they’re enough. maybe i’ll ask if she can make me some smaller versions of the hair pins special order.

and if you can’t tell, i’m just spewing information at you. i hope you don’t mind. and if you do…well, i really don’t know what to say about that.

i ordered engagement pictures today. we found a feature on walmart.com that makes collages for you. we made a bunch of different ones, since they’re completely random and you have no control over the positioning of the pictures (argh…let me tell you), and then chose our favorite. i had been keeping some of the pictures that we were thinking of originally using as a single print a secret from facebook so that no one would see them before they got their announcement/invitation. but now we ended up using seven pictures, so heaps of them were already on facebook.

sigh.

oh well.

those 200 pictures? only cost me 32. i am a budget wedding balla. or so say all.

i’m now on the hunt for another joann’s 50% off coupon so that i can get my other box of invitations and get these bad boys done. how is it halfway through may already? i have two weeks to get these done without missing my timeline.

you know what would help with that?

if addresses weren’t so fetching hard to get.  when they tell you start ahead of time collecting addresses?

THAT’S COMPLETELY TRUE.

(lindzml…i’m looking at you. start now. and actually, if you are going to send invitations to some and announcements to others, start even earlier, because the list will balloon out…it’s nuts.)

i wish people would just respond. but, to be fair, most people have been fantastic. it’s been awesome. i got TONS on the first day i started asking. and as they now trickle in, i just pop them into my word documents with my codes for who is getting what and it’s good.

i have a feeling that the lingering few that i don’t have are going to BUG me.

oh well.

in other news, i think i may have found some shoes that are dance-friendly (LOTS of dancing happening at my reception…oh how i wish i could talk about it…) and look comfortable and are white. i thought about doing the whole colored shoe thing, but i think it would look weird. and i’m too matchy matchy to pull that off really.

but they’re like 40 dollars. if they’re dyeable, so that i can turn them into something that i can wear later to work or something, then i will do it. if not…i might keep looking.

oh shoes.

i found a florist, though, for a RIDICULOUSLY cheap price. my bouquet? about 75. and it’s exactly what i want. bff’s completely matching bout? 10. groomsmen? 8.

i love my life sometimes. it was meant to be. the first two florists wouldn’t even talk to me because it was mother’s day weekend.

(i get it. busiest time ever. but one of them? wasn’t even doing anything. and i can’t help it that i don’t live there and i don’t want to drive back down to orlando for no purpose other than to look at flowers. that’s a duplication of effort that is unnecessary.)

i brought in pictures and i feel fairly certain that my flowers will be GORGEOUS. i am not worried. they won’t look exactly like my pictures, but they will be beautiful and bright and i won’t have to do it myself. and they’ll order the flowers for the bridesmaids’ bouquets for us so that we can do them ourselves.

fantastic.

so that, combined with training for a possible new online teaching job, has been what’s going on. you are sufficiently updated, i feel, although i don’t know that i have properly expanded on any of these things but have instead given you a stream-of-consciousness deluge.

but it’s now been 14 minutes.

oh well. dangit. back to some kind of work.

hello goodbye.

Posted in bridal diaries, etcetera, faith is action, i love my life, the engaged life, the joys of living in Florida on April 27, 2009 by drbolte

so i’ve lived here for almost five years.

let’s all stop and go WOAH, shall we?

because in that five years many many many things have changed.  i have changed.  the world has changed. but mainly, i have changed. and since this is my blog, you’ve probably heard me talk about that a time or two. i don’t really think you can go through the phd process and lose 130 pounds and find the love of your life, hope he really is the love of your life, keep hoping for a long time while dating people who weren’t the love of your life, and then see all of your dreams come true without changing a little bit.

unless you’re deeply unselfaware or perfect.  and i am neither so there you go.

but it’s almost may. and here in gville, that means it’s graduation time.  and unlike a lot of the other mays that i’ve been in gville, this may brings with it a nearly stunning exodus of many of the people who have populated my stage for so many years. both of my roommates are graduating.  a bunch of the people that i genuinely like are leaving. it’s a strange, strange feeling.

because, actually, i’m kind of graduating too.

in my church, we have congregations solely comprised of young single adults. while i have been a trifle bit beyond the age ceiling of that designation for a while now (but i was leaving anyway, so i stuck around), they serve single adults from 18 to 30 and are an awesome way to be able to meet people who are in similar circumstances to you. once you get married or get too old for the congregation, you move on to more traditional ward (that’s what we call the congregations).  i have loved my ward and have really seen it change a lot over the years.

there’s nothing wrong with change.  i like the ebb and flow of it.  new people come in, people get married and move on to exciting new things.

but this time, somehow it’s different. i feel a little bit of sadness to see all of these people move on, even though i know that i too will be starting a life entirely different from the one that i have known for so long.  i know these things. i am excited for these changes.  i am not scared about getting married, not really very nervous about the changes that it will bring.

maybe, though, somewhere deep in my heart, doors are closing. they should be. it’s natural. but i always have these moments when, faced with a future i’m not familiar with and a past that i am, i look back with a hint of nostalgia at what i’m leaving behind.  i always do.

my apartment will be packed up.  one roommate is almost gone, the other will be about a week before i move.  girls that i have taken under my wing are now flying away, off to start their amazing lives.

and i am getting married.

i am very grateful for all of the people who have made my life in gville so much awesome.  i am grateful that some of them will still be around, that i will get to make new friends (probably “couple” friends…weird…), that i will have a new life that i’ve only ever dreamed of.

with all of this, i guess i say goodbye to my old life and hello to my new one.  in really concrete tangible ways which are only now starting to feel very real, as i contemplate what to move and what not to move and begin to prepare for my summer jobs.

that’s weird and awesome and mindboggling and sad…all at the same time.

if exhaustion was a biscuit, and i was a little hot dog, my life would be a pig in a poke.

Posted in bridal diaries, dissertation, i love my life, me on April 16, 2009 by drbolte

i feel so tired.

at first, i just thought i was whiny PMS girl.

but then, yesterday, after sleeping the bulk of the day, i took a shower to go to Institute.  and even after taking a shower and feeling like i didn’t look like gum on the bottom of someone’s shoe, i still felt like i was walking through mud.  that usually means that i am a) sick or b) dying or c) sick or d) dying.

i’m going with a and c.

but it’s not the kind of sick where you’re like sniffling sneezing coughing aching stuffy head give me the 90 proof nyquil sick. it’s the my body is clearly fighting something off but i still feel guilty for not running stadiums or shredding or for eating cinnamon toast in general instead of dinner.

so yeah.

if exhaustion was a biscuit and i was a little tiny sausage dog, i would be one of those pigs in a blanket things that are yummy to eat with grape jelly.

in other news, i will be spending all weekend in my bed, probably with turtle pajama pants on, working on a) revising the dissertation chapter that i’ve been reading crap for for two weeks and b) the wedding, for which i have created a master to-do list which feels VERY incomplete but which makes my life feel more manageable. this weekend i will likely break each part down into infinitely smaller pieces.  that will also help me make my life more manageable.

also, why are all bridal bouquets insanely expensive and is it possible for me to just order an arrangement of gorgeous flowers and wrap the dang thing myself with the $2 ribbon that i bought at michael’s? because my mom thinks that we should get my bouquet done by someone PROFESSIONAL rather than gathering Publix flowers together on the day before, and i see the merit of that position, but everything i’ve seen online is UGLY and white or all red roses and HELLO I DON’T WANT ROSES AT ALL and in order to talk to someone you have to sign over your first born child and guess what all i want is red and yellow and orange flowers with some sunflowers and daisies the end.

but the minute the word wedding is involved, suddenly the price skyrockets and my head starts throbbing with the wholesale injustice of it all.

so i might just order a summer bouquet, with the caveat (that’s the word of the day, folks…the $10 word of the day) that it must contain gerbera daisies and sunflowers (small ones are good!), and not tell them at all that it’s for a wedding because HELLO who cares i can wrap those bad boys with floral tape myself who cares.

but we’ll see.

so if you know of a decently priced florist in orlando (lindzml, i’m lookin’ at you…), let me know.

so yeah. turtle pajama pants and big time productivity. they go hand in hand, don’t you think?

conquering this day.

Posted in bridal diaries, dissertation, domestic goddess, etcetera, i am not a gym rat, i love my life, me, mirror mirror on the wall, perfect brightness of hope, the engaged life, the glass is half FULL on March 30, 2009 by drbolte

i woke up with hopes of getting a lot done today. i quickly felt daunted by how to do it all and fit it all in.  they’re all such disparate tasks–everything from stadium stairs/ramps and a mega cardio workout to harassing my apartment building into finally submitting the stuff for the new apartment to lighting a fire under my butt and starting the dissertation again to talking to my mom about the wedding and life and everything since i haven’t talked to her in a week–and it felt impossible to really do them all.

that’s a pretty common theme in my life. i do okay if in one day i am asked to do three things that are all common–laundry, clean the house, cook dinner–but if you ask me to use different skill sets, i start to wonder if it’s possible.

i’m not sure if that’s pretty universal. is it?  i’m not sure if i’ll ever get better at it.  will i?

but what i know is that when i start thinking that way, everything gets colored by the stress crayon and i start to see things in a completely skewed way. i don’t love it.

so here i am again, focusing on the positive.  and updating you.  see? i’m multitasking already.

1. found a dress this weekend.  it was the cheapest one that i tried on. it fit PERFECTLY. it was simple, elegant, and beautiful, it had everything that i wanted but never knew i imagined that i did want.  i can picture getting married in it.  and i cried a little. oh. and it’s on sale.  🙂 did i mention that i looked small?

2. found a reception site. it’s perfect. it has a really good homey feel to it–not too spread out and big, not too small.  it has hooks in the walls already so that we can hang lights and do all kinds of things.  we figured out how we want to set it up and it was an amazing feeling, planning the day with the  man that i love.

3. i went to the stadium this morning, even though i thought that i would skip it. success number one.  i burned 757 calories. success number two. i ran some, in several interval spurts, and i felt lighter on my feet than i really ever have.  no trudging, really.  success number three.

4. i’m about to go make this new apartment thing happen, since i’m tired of waiting on the incompetence of the world.

5. i’m not letting the fact that i am seriously and 100% plateaued with the weight loss freak me out too much.  all i can do is all i can do, right? i just REALLY want to be mega hott for my wedding.  all i can do is all i can do.