Archive for the magic Category

naked.

Posted in bff, faith is action, family, i love my life, magic, the glass is half FULL, wifey on September 16, 2009 by drbolte

at moments, the degree to which i am grateful for my life overwhelms me, in wave upon wave of memory and realization of how many dreams have come true.

some nights, when i have a bad dream usually relating to something bad happening to the bff, i roll over and squeeze him, over and over, as if to try to convince myself that nothing will ever happen.  the depth of how much i love and depend on him is most clear to me then.

in some ways, marriage has really surprised me.  i have been surprised by how comfortable i am being my whole self in my marriage, being unafraid of who i am in every way.  it don’t feel flawless, perfect, or like i’ve achieved all that i want to be.  some days, as i face them, frighten me with their intensity and the responsibility that comes with them.  the future still remains murky and unclear to me.  we live lease term to lease term, week to week, while planning for eternity.  it’s a strange place to be.

but the things that i thought that i would be worried about or uncomfortable about are not even a concern.  what i thought would make me feel exposed makes me feel secure. what i thought would frighten me makes me strong.

the only walls in our home are the ones that surround our love.

that realization, i think, fills me with the greatest joy.

the wedding chronicles: i’m getting married in the morning, part one.

Posted in bridal diaries, etcetera, family, magic, me, superheckyes on August 27, 2009 by drbolte

i woke up friday pretty excited.  what wasn’t there to be excited about? my toes were all painted red, courtesy of an amazing bridesmaid who pampered me the night before. my bags were packed.  we were running late, but that was pretty normal, and i was giddy excited.

mainly because i got to wear this, officially, for reals:

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see that? that’s a BRIDE shirt.  someone awesome gave me the iron-on, i found a shirt, and mom made the magic happen. i was pretty excited to wear it all day.

and it was a day, let me tell you.

we left late for orlando, deciding that we would divide and conquer our to-do list. mom would head to the hotel, pick up my family, take my cousin/photographer to the temple to scope out the sights and plan her attack for the next day, and mom would take care of getting a few things that i still needed. i would meet the bff at his parents’ house and we would go get flowers to do centerpieces.

the original plan was that my family would come meet us at the in-laws to help with centerpieces.  by the end of the drive, though, we decided that mom and the fam should just hang out and have a laidback afternoon, meeting us at the church at 3 to set up the reception site.

that ended up being a good plan, since the woman who never ever gets lost–EVER–spent the better part of the afternoon lost in the awesomeness that is orlando.  i got a call to get directions. i gave directions. those directions were circumvented by my aunt’s gps, which they realized only after listening to it had lost the will to live because of a lack of battery power.

(please note: if a bride gives you directions, and it’s the day before the wedding, and she sort of knows what she’s talking about because a) she’s been in the city more than you have and b) she’s sitting with someone who has lived in the city for the better part of his life, you should probably just listen.  it eliminates stress.)

during this time, the bff and i were scouring publixes and winn dixies around his house to find flowers for centerpieces.  when all was said and done, this was what we had to work with:

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quite possibly one of the worst pictures of me ever taken, but a cute one of the bff and a good one to show how much yellow, white, green, and red awesomeness we had.  we had piles and piles of flowers when we got back, but i was quite worried that we wouldn’t have enough. in what can only be described as an amazing blessing from heaven, the first publix that we went to had 12 gorgeous sunflowers. we did not find another store with another sunflower in it, and we went to three more.  we bought them out, which allowed us to have some continuity in our centerpieces.  you probably don’t care at all about that, but it mattered–A LOT–to me.

it was 900,000 degrees, so after we bought some flowers, the bff stayed in the car with the a/c blasting while i ran into the next, all so the flowers wouldn’t wilt. then we would drop them off and head to another store.  when we felt like we had enough, we came back and started taking them out of the packages and started trying to create flower arrangements.

i have never done this before. i have never advertised myself as a floral designer. but i read in a book somewhere (how’s that for responsible citation?) that fresh flowers are beautiful, that you can’t mess them up, and if you just stay out of their way, it will all be gorgeous.

it didn’t feel that way when we began.  everything looked…odd.  we were putting flowers in the little vases that we had, which were more circular than elongated, and all i could think was that they were going to be ugly and i hated them and everything i did was crap.

(i may or may not have been seriously freaking out at that point about many things. the flowers focused my angst.)

the bff thought they looked beautiful. but i thought that if the 11 centerpieces looked like the first one we made, our reception was going to look like buford the slack-jawed yokel was our florist.

i was not pleased.

but somehow, i just decided to keep going. to get them all done and then revise as needed at the end.  that there? that’s the writing nature of me kicking in–push past the crap at the draft stage and make it pretty in revisions.

and boy did we.

the second arrangement was better. we figured out height and we figured out colors and we just both started doing our creative thing. and every. single. one we put together was GORGEOUS and unique.  we tried to have pops of color in each, and we ended up needing the bff’s mom to get us  more red flowers, but they were all gorgeous.

and it was kind of awesome to realize that we did it together, that we pushed past the panic, and that we did it in the midst of all of the chaos.

most importantly? they were exactly what we both pictured in our heads.

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that’s how they turned out.  there are stories about the polka dots, but i’ll call it a serendipitous mistake that turned out to be probably one of my MOST FAVORITE things about how we decorated. i didn’t intend for the polka dots to start to take over…but they did. and it was amazing.

we had BARELY finished the centerpieces when it was time to go decorate the church.

next up: what do you get when you put 5 guys, 5 million strings of lights, and a lot of women in a room?

in pictures.

Posted in bff, bridal diaries, family, i love my life, magic, me, superheckyes, wifey on August 14, 2009 by drbolte

i have lots to say, but am too tired to form words right now. it’s 5:53 a.m., and i’ve been having trouble sleeping more than about 3 hours at a time since about a week before the wedding.

but i didn’t want you to go much longer without seeing some of the pictures. (if you’re my facebook friend, you’ve probably seen them all, but i’ve chosen a few that i really, really love.) these are the pictures from friends/family who were there, the ones that i’ve seen thus far.  i haven’t even seen our official ones yet, but if these are this good? i’m excited.

6370_116132517383_636167383_2177917_1733477_ncoming out of the temple.  i love these pictures.

5340_10100198408674241_2054136_59729439_2969294_nthis might be one of my favorites so far.

5340_10100198408734121_2054136_59729448_2210852_nme and my mom.  this is when we were taking pictures around the temple. it was SO hot, y’all. i think we all thought we were going to die.

6370_116132712383_636167383_2177946_2449813_nwe took refuge in the shade.  i love this picture too.

n2035392_59572271_4741409we had a giant cupcake tower, but someone offered to make us a little cake.  this is what it looked like (it was really cute!) and it was a perfect showcase for our little penguins.  you can’t say those aren’t awesome. etsy, y’all.  etsy.

n2035392_59572334_5225121i was ridiculously kind to my husband when we cut the cake.  he? was not so kind. this is the face that i made when i saw the size of the piece of cake he was going to stuff in my face. i tried to be graceful about it, but i had to pull half of the 41 inches of fondant out of my mouth.  it wasn’t pretty, but it was very me.

n2035392_59572406_7409218he wrote me a song. and played it at our reception.

i cried.

of course there are more stories.  i have many to tell you.  but this will have to do until i can figure out how to not be completely exhausted in the most happy and wonderful way.  thank you for your good wishes and happy thoughts being sent my way. i can feel them, and they are lovely.

t minus one.

Posted in bff, bridal diaries, disney princesses got nothin' on me, i love my life, magic, me, superheckyes, the glass is half FULL on August 6, 2009 by drbolte

that’s right.

ONE DAY.

i’d been worried, y’all, that things wouldn’t get done. that i’d be running around, being stressed rather than excited, checking things off of a list that seemed longer than probable or possible.  i feel like i have said this ad nauseum, but i really wanted to be excited.

after today’s class, where i gave a final exam, and some running around and getting caught in the rain and ordering pizza with mom and the bff and packing him for the honeymoon and grading said exams and finalizing those final grades and making fun little bridesmaid gift bags (i really love them! they were my favorite part so far of the immediate pre-wedding prep), i realized that there was not much to do other than packing.

and getting my toes painted and my feet rubbed.

because i didn’t have time for a real pedicure, or the inclination to go there, my wonderful fantastic bridesmaid gave me a night of pampering. since i can’t paint my toenails well to save my life or the life of anyone else, she made my toes red and pretty and gave me time to just sit and chat and remember that…guess what?

I’M GETTING MARRIED ON SATURDAY.

i’m nearly packed. i tried on my dress today. it fit and when i looked at myself in the mirror, i felt SKINNY. if you haven’t been around for very long, you won’t know how much that means.  if you have, you’ll know how very much that means about where my head is at and what this dress does for me.

i have a sephora bag, a victoria’s secret bag, and a whole lot of flip flops ready to go.  i have bobby pins and hair straighteners and fifteen kinds of curling appliances to gather together, along with random things like, you know, toothpaste and deoderant and all of the things that are important.

but blah blah blah, you know?

the important thing is that i am EXCITED.  jump up and down, giddy little girl grinning excited.

i am marrying my very best friend.

things have gone wrong thus far. things will go wrong tomorrow, i’m sure.

but we’ll make it through and we’ll make it to saturday and we’ll be better for it.

and then we’ll be married.

i can hardly believe it. it doesn’t really feel real.

but as i hit submit on my last grades, and i put those papers away, and realized that all i had to worry about was being a bride, it began to feel more real.

i’ll see you in a little more than a week, most likely.  i doubt i’ll be able to articulate any of how much everything meant to me, but…i’ll promise to try.

as a wife.

home.

Posted in bff, domestic goddess, etcetera, faith is action, ghetto life, i love my life, Life, magic, superheckyes, the engaged life on August 3, 2009 by drbolte

when we saw the apartment for the first time, it was only for about 10 minutes–long enough to tour a 500 some-odd square foot apartment and to briefly talk to the tenant about utilities and such.

for the most part, it was a drive-thru tour, but it didn’t matter.

the minute we walked into it, we knew it was the one. it had an incredible vibe to us.  the bff and i both knew it–we just looked at each other and communicated, as we so often do, without speaking that this was the place.

that was the only time we saw it.  being occupied, as it was, there was no real chance to go back, take measurements, make plans. the mental picture was all we had, and even that was somewhat hazy.

or so i thought.

i drove by a couple of times in the latter part of last week. the place was empty by thursday, and so on friday i drove by again, looking in the windows, noticing that the outdoors looks sad and needs some tlc.  i thought the living room looked bigger than i imagined it. in general, i just kept trying to see if the snapshot in my mind was true of reality.

when we arrived on saturday, after what can only be described as a miraculous weekend of moving*, and opened the door to our first apartment, the same vibe was there.  the spirit that’s here is so amazing.  i don’t think i’ve ever felt anything like it.

i’ve moved several times. i’ve lived in lots of different apartments, between moving with mom before she bought the house and moving during my very long college career.  usually, it takes time to feel at home. usually, you have to grow into a place.

that is not the case here.

i’ve never felt so absolutely suited to a place, and like the place is absolutely suited to us.  everything fits.  it fits us. our things fit into it.  we love it. completely.

and i think i love it more because of its flaws.  it’s this lovely diamond in the rough.  the closets are fantastically huge and there are shelves for miles, but the metal bifold doors are a bit wonky and tempermental.  the kitchen has one million tall cabinets, but the stove is probably older than me and probably hasn’t seen a decent cleaning since i was in elementary school.  the living room is much bigger than i thought it was, but the deadbolt is seriously screwed up and there’s this strange spot near the door where i think the rain might leak in (see earlier comment about the deadbolt).  we have a mailbox that’s a real mailbox and a trash can that’s a real trash can and the beginnings of our very first home.

i am in love with this life. i am in love with this place. i am in love with this time, when i feel absolutely and one hundred percent the confirmation of the Spirit that the decisions we are making are right and true and when the pieces are falling into place in the most beautiful ways.

i’m not sure i ever really imagined what my life would be like as a married person.  yesterday, when i spent the whole day with the bff in our new house, cooking dinner, unpacking the kitchen (in order to cook said dinner), talking to my mom on the phone with him next to me, playing monopoly for hours, i realized that i really love it.

it’s nothing whatsoever like i would have expected.

it’s better.  so, so, so much better.

and i’m not even married yet.

*the two of us packed an entire van full of my stuff, got rid of truckfuls of stuff, and kept going for 8 hours straight…on friday. then we got up and did it all again–but kept going for probably 12 hours that day. and we didn’t fight, squabble, bicker, or get upset with each other once.

i swear.

the miracle of that isn’t that it’s unusual. it’s that it’s not.  we are the best team ever.

and that’s just the start of the miracles.  rain held off. things got done. keys were turned in on time.  keys were picked up on time. utility confirmations were gotten. in short, every worry that i had was eased, every problem solved, every minor glitch dealt with quickly and with cheerfulness.

i actually had a good time moving.  my feet STILL hurt and i am bruised like someone beat me with an ugly stick, but it was incredible. i am ridiculously grateful.

coming up for air.

Posted in bff, bridal diaries, disney princesses got nothin' on me, dissertation, drama drama drama, etcetera, faith is action, i love my life, magic, me on June 5, 2009 by drbolte

hi all.

thanks for letting me vent in the last post. thanks to those of you who chimed in with responses.  i’m sure it will all get done and i am sure that i will get better at asking for help. in the meantime, though, i came up with a plan that is already helping me.

a. stop worrying about the dissertation.

that’s right. i’m officially calling it.  dissertation is going on real hold (not that actual hold that it’s been on while i fret and worry and feel guilt-infused over not doing it) until after the wedding. i just don’t have time, even if i used every available moment of my spare time, and even if i did, i am too frazzled to do much of substance.  so it’s on hold.

and, as my wise mama said, if we are prioritizing tasks based on their due date, that one’s last anyways.

she’s brilliant, my mom.

b. read wedding blogs every day. specifically, in my days of stress, weddingbee is keeping me sane. i skim it over, revel in the bridalness, and am suddenly grateful that i am doing things the way i am doing them.

and it usually inspires me to start thinking/planning things that i need to be thinking/planning.

c. be kind to myself. or, in the wise words of a friend of mine, create small manageable goals.

yesterday, that was to workout hard and to straighten my room.  i did it. i also tried to make homemade donuts, which i realized i have neither the patience nor the oil stores to do effectively. therefore, yesterday was a success.

i also painted my toenails. crappily, but they’re painted.

in the new vein of being kind to myself, i’m just going to let them be crappily painted until i have the wherewithal or the time to do it again.  and lighting. i clearly need better lighting.

d. keep breaking the chain.

did i tell you about our paper chain?  i can’t remember, so i’m telling you anyway. if you’ve already heard this, could you, i don’t know, talk amongst yourselves for a moment?

we created a paper chain, the bff and i, to count down to our wedding. you know, in case the countdown on my facebook page and on my blog wasn’t enough (which it’s not).  we wanted some kind of tactile way that we could do it.

it makes the days when it seems like it will NEVER get here go by faster.

especially as we are getting perilously near the two month loop. whoo!

e. find things like this...

and just know that, come what may, my wedding is going to be amazing. and very much me.

bridal diaries, part two: dreams.

Posted in bff, bridal diaries, magic, me, superheckyes, the engaged life on April 10, 2009 by drbolte

i ordered my wedding dress today. i could probably have done it ages ago, but i think i wanted to wait until the last possible second before the sale ended because that’s how i do things, duh. i think it also had something to do with the fact that a) i didn’t need to order it really until now and b) i didn’t want to pay for it until i had to and c) i still wanted to take advantage of the sale that made it $50 off.

(in other news, i’m going to try very hard NOT to look at the website at all ever just in case my dress goes on superclearance and they sell it for like $5.  because if that happens, i might just shrivel up and die.)

it was $266.  i’m hoping to find someone that i know to make the bolero for me, as i want it to cover more and have longer sleeves than ANY bolero i have ever seen.

(my fat arms, you see, and the fact that i need it to be more modest than it is. in short, i actually WANT it to cover things instead of just looking like it covers things.)

i have heard rumors that the bff’s grandma is like the ultimate sewing balla’. i’m not sure if she loves me enough yet to be willing to do it for me, but i’m going to try to continue to charm her this weekend (for multiple reason, not just my own benefit, in case you were wondering) and we’ll see what happens.

$266.  i think that’s pretty decent. it has everything that i ever wanted and never knew i wanted. and it swishes.

and if you don’t know what that means, you should watch runaway bride.  because…i have that same kind of whee! moment every time i think about it.

dangit now i want to try it on again.  blah.

i’m gonna be a princess bride!  yayayayayayayay!

in other news, last night i had my first wedding related bad dream.

essentially, in the convoluted way that most all of my dreams are, it was my reception/ring ceremony except it felt like a circus because it was in this HUGE warehouse place or something. there were hordes of people everywhere, and i got superdistracted.  i let time waste away and then realized that i hadn’t bought the flowers for the bouquets or made any bouts or corsages or my own bouquet or anything, and my mom was not happy with me at all, essentially saying that was my one job.

the two positive things, in order of awesome, in this dream were the DJ, who was going to play really cool 40s music as well as new stuff as well and my bff, who i distinctly remember being awesome via phone although i didn’t ever see him in the dream. i just remember feeling really loved.

and that’s what’s important, right?

that’s what i thought.