Archive for the roommates Category

homecoming, or four more reasons that nothing will ever get done before nine p.m. this week.

Posted in drama drama drama, etcetera, fall is football, gators, going quietly mad, roommates, sports, the joys of living in Florida on October 20, 2008 by drbolte

so, we’re building a float.

and by we, i mean basically my roommate and i, since i designed it and she’s in charge of it and we’re sort of just recruiting grunt labor from the other members of our organization to get work done which i actually don’t really have much hope of successfully accomplishing as i have visions of having to paint 4 by 8 plywood myself every night this week.

and it will still probably suck.

because yeah i have this picture in my mind the way i think it should look and i just have this feeling that, like everything else that i have a picture of in my mind, it won’t quite turn out like that.

and i need to be zen about that in a big fat serious way because i don’t have time, at all, to be obsessing about a stupid float for a stupid parade. the float is already going to outshine what we did last year, so what the flip does it matter?

oh, it matters.

because i’m just that anal.

but i seriously don’t have time for this and as i write this i’m becoming more and more anxious about everything that i have to do.

(can you tell? i think you can tell.)

one of the most important job applications (i.e. one of the ones that i REEAAAAALLLLLYYYY would like a shot at) is due on the 24th.


if it’s postmarked, it will probably be fine, but i would like to have it out of my hands by wednesday.

that’s my goal.

but i still have to rewrite everything and mess with everything and OH HOLY FLIP THEY WANT TRANSCRIPTS AND TEACHING EVALUATIONS.

and tonight, what am i doing?

herding cats, otherwise known as getting basically willing, but sort of not willing, volunteers to catch my vision and paint neatly.


i’ve been at it since 6:30.  AM. four hours getting stuff together which included some fairly interesting home depot debacles and a serious need for sugar by 930, another hour of sketching the plan onto plywood, a brief nap, stupid ticket meeting that wastes my life, running for way not long enough but oh well it was something and it didn’t feel like i was going to die, seeing tim tebow and percy harvin on their way to practice (i might have lost my breath for a minute, but i’m not sure…), coming home to a letter from australia, and now this minor panic attack while i think about all i have to do and the fact that i told my roommate i would cook for our homecoming breakfast on friday morning.

you know, before i ride in the float that i design and WILL PROBABLY BE FREAKING OUT ABOUT all morning.

why do i do this to myself?

i should get to work, right?

but i think i’ll go watch west wing.  curled up in my bed.  and contemplate why it is that jimmy smits is such a better presidential option than anyone running this week.


call me mrs. robinson and i’ll punch you in the kneecap.

Posted in domestic goddess, hilarity, i promise you that you won't care, i'm so much cooler online, roommates, shopping, the joys of living in Florida, The Single Life, yet another reason why i don't understand men on May 22, 2008 by drbolte

so…short story that should be longer but i don’t want to talk about it yet because i don’t know what i want/am going to do yet: i have been trying to turn on the charm with a certain person. sometimes i come off conqueror–straightforward and ultrabrave–and other times i’m like THIS.IS.JUST.SO.AWKWARD. and i flee from the IM in horror.

the take home message here is that i have begun to doubt my flirting abilities.

there for a while, i was just a force to be reckoned with–supersocial, completely sure of myself (or great at faking it), at ease in my own skin, and completely and utterly charming. now? i think that it has grown to be a part of me so that i don’t notice it so much anymore, but i don’t think i’ve had enough practice lately to know if it’s still there.

i still think that when i turn on the charm, i can make people stop in their tracks. i think i just have sort of forgotten where the switch is, so recent situations find me fumbling around the metaphorical wall, looking for it, instead of gracefully flipping that bad boy into “HELLO! PAY ATTENTION TO ME!”

it could also be that thinking about it so much has made me freak out more about it. like when you know that you have a zit the size of rhode island on your chin and you think that everybody’s staring at it.

anyways. last night, after institute, my roommate and i went to publix. my purpose was to get in and out of there as soon as humanly possible. i had a headache verging on migraine status, i needed fruit and vegetables and things to eat that weren’t ramen, and it was 9 p.m. so we meander with purpose through the aisles (i LOVE strawberries and salad on sale, and i enjoy the fact that i got out of there spending less than $30 on food but still managed to get sourdough bread and as a tangential question, why does no one on the east coast know how to make sourdough bread really sour? i miss it, california girl that i am) and get to the register.

my roommate’s like “man…you picked the kids’ aisle. no gossipy things to look at!”

(also…no candy. a good thing. but raisins! which i bought. and am rather excited about, actually.)

no idea how true that kid aisle comment was.

get up to the checkout line after my roommate has bought her two items and answer the obligatory “how are you?” question with my standard “good. how are you?”.

and realize that the adorable checkout guy is making serious eye contact. ookay. moving along. slight compliment, i suppose, for migraine, very little make-up, why-yes-this-shirt-is-ridiculously-wrinkled-thanks-for-noticing, hair pulled up girl. but you’re like 20, at the most. adorable, yes. not quite jail bait, i guess, but…really? no. 21 is my limit. now.

so i slide my card, teasing my roommate about how she called me with some kind of animal noise and how i won’t answer to that, not at all unaware of the irony of how i actually DID respond to that when i didn’t respond to my name or the fact that the checkout guy and equally adorable bag guy are now listening intently.

yes, i can tell.

then the checkstand goes all haywirey, and checkout boy is apologizing for making me wait, telling me that it’s not my card. and hello, flirt switch. all of the sudden, i’m teasing back, telling him that he did it on purpose. and he responds that, yes, most definitely, he intended to make my life as difficult as possible. and we have a little cute moment there in the publix.


or at least the crowd in my head. hey, maybe i don’t suck at this after all.

(and then the bag guy called me ma’am. immediate deflation. i don’t want to talk about it.)

relatively happy with my publix outing, i am loading my groceries into my car and the 16 year old (maybe?) cart collector guy in his brown publix apron comes to fetch it RIGHT when i was about to need to do something with it.

i was high on the serendipity of that when i said “perfect timing!” and he said, obviously trying to work his game, “it’s what i planned when i got up this morning.”

hi, my name is drbolte and i play well to the 16-22 demographic.



but the moral of the story is…the flirt switch still works. and grocery stores make for good stories.

newsbreak without the benefit of ritalin.

Posted in blogging, domestic goddess, ghetto life, i am your american idol, i love my life, i'm so much cooler online, roommates, teaching, the internets, the joys of living in Florida, TV and me are pals, Uncategorized on May 14, 2008 by drbolte

i had a ridiculously productive day yesterday. it was nice…odd, but nice. i do believe cleaning my room and transforming my desk from the junk mail pithole of death chaos into an actual work space has–SURPRISE!–made me more apt to sit there and, say, work.

whatever. a place of order encourages ordered thinking? what kind of NONSENSE are you talking, drbolte?

i will cease and desist.

but i thought maybe i’d update you on what i’ve done because i would rather do anything but do yoga, which is what i should be doing but instead i’m here.

shut up.

so…yesterday i BUILT! A! WEBPAGE!

i know. cue the violins, hearts, confetti, and attractive men giving me heaps of money. it is that much of an accomplishment.

(they don’t do that? crap.)

see, the university i work for has a rule that you have to publish your syllabus on the internet for easy access to students. i interpreted this, after the great hard drive implosion of 2006, to mean any way i could get it on an internet site, including webct, would work because i had lost all of my files and could not see a way to replace them without losing my mind.

i actually do not think that’s what they mean, however, so i am trying to make it more accessible and abide the spirit of the law as well as the letter of the law. also, my previous website is just…not okay.

(it’s blue.  enough said.)

but cue frustration, because heaven help me if i can figure out how to ftp the gorgeous thing to my webspace. i did it successfully (ultimately…i have foggy memories of this kind of frustration) on the computer that is no more (sigh. poor drbolte’s first macbook. it had so many pretty pictures and purchased songs and irreplaceable documents on it that i never backed up…yeah.). but now i can’t figure it out.

good thing i can just post it from school without much effort, huh? because, apparently, it requires NO! BRAINS! WHATSOEVER!

yeah, we’ll see.

THEN…after i BUILT! A! WEBPAGE! i wrote my cv.

let me tell you what.  it took me like three hours.  because really, how am i supposed to remember what the name of the presentation that i gave at a graduate conference in 2003 was?  how am i even supposed to remember what the graduate conference was ABOUT?

(you know where all of that information is? poor sad first macbook.  le sigh again.)

(oh.  and that whole thing about keeping up your CV as you go along.  VERY good plan.  i’m onboard.  because dissertation writing = brain suckage and you don’t keep the memories of the things that don’t matter very long.  knowing the biographical details of random d-list stars…important.  knowing what you have or have not accomplished in your life…apparently not so much.  drbolte’s moral of the story: don’t wait seven years to write it.)

thank heavens for google, let me just tell you.  i googled myself.  and came up with some stuff i did. and then i remembered some stuff i won and tracked the official names down via google.   and then i made it all prettiful (i love me some papyrus font.  for reals.) and it looks like maybe i actually do something in daily life instead of sitting around blogging all of the time and whining about doing yoga. and eating cookies.

because i did that too.

inbetween the great four hour CV construction and the FTP HATES ME debacle, i baked some cookies.  don’t be too impressed. they were from a mix, so the extent of my pastry chefing was melting some butter and adding some chocolate chips to make them oatmeal CHOCOLATE CHIP cookies instead of just regular oatmeal.

because regular oatmeal cookies are boring, duh. so maybe you can be a little bit impressed.

because them is good cookies and made the roommates smile (and yell at me for MAKING! THEM! FAT! to which i laugh maniacally and suggest they hide somewhere for the next week because it is SUGARPALOOZA over here!) so it was a success.

i also watched some american idol while i was saving the world multitasking and i just have to digress immediately right now to say this:

i tried not to like you, david archuleta. you look 12 and your dad is a creepy stage dad and i fear you are about to walk in the ballad-loving footsteps of one clay aiken, who now makes me shudder with his complete creepiness and his stylist’s decision to use eye makeup…

…but i redheart you.  you’re a great singer.  i know you tried to take on chris brown and sort of lost, and who the heck chose a dan fogelberg song for you because really you don’t even know anything about that guy and it’s a terrible song anyways (when i was 3 i was telling mom to turn that junk OFF!), but i see potential for you.

you should win!

because david cook taking on steven tyler?  lame.  i don’t know WHAT simon was talking about.

the end.

and then i edited my too-short article that i condensed from my too-long masters thesis and i think it’s infinitely less stupid and much more brilliant now.  and while i did that?

i listened to the jack johnson station on pandora radio.  do you know about pandora radio? i know about it because law school girl is flippin’ amazing and told me about it (i don’t keep up with what the cool kids do, if you didn’t know. i’m always about six and a half minutes behind.).  it’s awesome. you should go there. it’s completely free and easy to use and full of wondrous nuggets of aural amazement.

and in the midst of this i decided that the soundtrack to my summer (yes i do know where that line comes from, thankyouverymuchiloveboyslikegirls) is going to be populated by boys who play guitar–namely jack johnson and kenny chesney, with appearances by ben harper (how did i not know that i am in love with him?) and brad paisley.

what’d you do yesterday? and who’s on your soundtrack to summer?


it’s summer!

(sigh.  yoga time. dangit.)

the graffiti may be misspelled, but otherwise, it’s a pretty nice place.

Posted in books are bliss, dissertation, drama drama drama, faith is action, i hate vegetables, i'm so much cooler online, life lesson number 498, mirror mirror on the wall, perfect brightness of hope, roommates, School, you have to be a chick to understand, you want me to walk HOW far? on March 26, 2008 by drbolte

apparently, closure is a journey, not a destination. i think i only know that the journey has ended, to some degree, when i realize that i have stopped thinking about wanting/needing/wishing for it. when the sword of the situation ceases to feel like it’s hanging over my head and instead has just become another tool in my arsenal of life lessons.

it’s a interesting realization, actually, one that made itself really clear after an unexpected experience that can only be described as the result of divine intervention. it was so perfect and necessary and amazing…it could only be the result of Someone who can orchestrate things that are so perfectly tailored for my needs.

that’s certainly not me.

life lessons are all about the struggle. i think this is sort of an obvious assertion, but i’m really learning lessons from the struggles in my life right now. my frustration, for example, with lots of things over the past week has been revelatory in some ways to me. i’ve felt damned in some way–stymied, stopped, stuck. nothing that i wanted to do was happening. progress happened (if it happened at all) amid a desire percolating with ambition. i didn’t stop working. i didn’t stop trying. i just kept putting one foot in front of the other, with the faith and hope that that struggle, that effort, will pay off.

in some ways, i’m still waiting.

but i’m beginning to honor the struggle and the fight. this fact’s literalized by my new habit of working out.

(i know you’re tired of hearing about this, for which i suppose i should apologize. when i say that this new habit is so absolutely and fundamentally foreign to me that it forces me to write about it just to deal with the fact that it’s quickly becoming a part of who i am…i hope that helps. there’s a whole post brewing about that…but that’s another day.)

i was on the treadmill today (back on the workout wagon with only two days off after the spurt of death-feeling! amazing!) and it was a 4 mile moderate training day (which translates into either something like walking at 3.5 mph or going at an incline or doing both, if you’re a superstar like my roommate). towards the end of the hour, crazy sweaty and feeling like i wasn’t sure if i could finish this, there was only a moment that i considered stopping.

a split second.

and then it was more like “how do i get through this?” rather than “how do i get out of this?” the struggle, for me, becomes the benefit. getting through it, figuring a way THROUGH it rather than getting saved FROM it, is what is reaping so many benefits for me.

i’m usually looking for the light at the end of the tunnel.

right now, i’m enjoying the view inside.

it’s a really weird thing. i kind of like it.

double-edged stalk.

Posted in drama drama drama, ghetto life, hilarity, mirror mirror on the wall, roommates, the joys of living in Florida on March 19, 2008 by drbolte

we were walking up to the apartment from the parking lot, chatting as we do (mainly saying “why? why do we have to climb more stairs?”) at the end of our night, a route that takes us past our downstairs neighbors’ bathroom window.

i noticed, out of the corner of my eye, that the light was on and that the window was partially cracked, but didn’t think a thing of it since it’s a lovely spring-like night in florida.

that is until my roommate called my attention–in a kind of hushed horror–to the GUY THAT WAS CROUCHED AND PEERING AT US FROM THAT CRACK.

her hushed tones got progressively louder and more indignant as we passed, containing the words creepy and police and restraining order in quick succession. i’ll admit. it was so weird. he was hunched down to look at us through the inch-wide margin, his fingers grasped around the sill.

weird, yes. definitely. creepy. possibly, yeah, although it’s very clear that this guy isn’t going to do anything. we’ve lived here for more than six months, as have they, and the closest we’ve ever gotten to any contact are these creepy stalker-like staring encounters.

but, really, it’s more sad than anything. i think…wow. am i really more entertaining than univision or a nice spanish language dance track or a corona? i’m not being stereotypical here–we know that’s what they enjoy, since they enjoy them at loud volumes on saturday mornings and frequently outdoors.

but really? me walking upstairs is the highlight of your night?that’s just sad. and pathetically flattering.

i definitely need a life. and perhaps some pepper spray.

made my day.

Posted in facebook is the new crack, gators, i love my life, roommates, School, teaching, you want me to walk HOW far? on March 18, 2008 by drbolte

i was trying to figure out a new pithy yet deep comment for the about me section of my facebook–i know, i know–and i was going nowhere. ironic for the girl whose business is words, eh?  i thought so too.

then i ventured over to urban dictionary to look up some words that i thought described me.  mix it up a little, you know.  one week, some song lyrics.  one week, a definition.

and this is what i found:

sassy: “possessing the attitude of someone endowed with an ungodly amount of cool.”

and that’s what’s there.

because that’s what i am.

in other news, two of my students are now my facebook friends.

it’s strange how that puts another perspective on the fact that you have ashlee simpson song lyrics as your status or your many photo albums or your 4000+ wall posts.

oh well.

hello, students. welcome to carrie after hours.

also, the total so far since sunday: 10 miles biked, 6 miles walked, and an introduction to SW rec on campus.  surprisingly nice.  surprisingly empty at 7 a.m.  i believe that’s going to be my time.

and who can frickin’ believe THAT?

lifting weight.

Posted in Church, disney princesses got nothin' on me, faith is action, roommates on March 6, 2008 by drbolte

i began to write this post explaining what we did tonight, my roommates and i, and how much it meant to me.

i realized, in the process, that the reason i wanted to write about it wasn’t because of what we did–and when i tried to explain it, it seemed to call attention to the act and not the effect, which was not at all my intent–but how it affected me.

let me just say that i just spent one of the most fun nights of recent memory with my roommates in a Publix, doing some things for some people who really deserve it.  these are people who spend all day every day serving other people–and tonight, it felt like we got to answer a prayer.  i don’t know whose prayer it was, but it was definitely someone’s fervent prayer.

i think it might have been mine.

you see, when i was running down the aisle of publix trying to get to the checkstand more quickly and laughing with my roommates about what kind of syrup to buy, all of the weight and stress and emptiness that i’ve been feeling for the past week or two lifted off of me.

laughter. fun. silliness.  forgetting myself in doing something for someone else.

i came home feeling lighter and better and brighter.

that’s pretty much the best blessing i could ask for.

i am grateful for it.

yeah. so.

Posted in Life, me, roommates, you have to be a chick to understand on October 12, 2007 by drbolte

i have a blister on the bottom of my foot the size of a quarter. stupid birkenstocks betrayed me. old navy flipflops would have been better.

i am, right now, consumed by doubts when i had no doubt before and am seeing criticism where there is none.

i miss the girl who walked fearlessly into the future with faith and hope.   wondering where she went, and feeling as though these feelings fit nothing about my life right now, i looked at the calendar.


hello, PMS.  i wondered when you’d rear your ugly head.

so, in an effort to remember that girl who is amazing and, if not fearless certainly brave, and full of hope, i present to you one of the gifts i got on my birthday–a list of 30 Reasons to Love Carrie, created by one of my roommates.

I was so surprised–and I love it.

1. She loves using big words and defines them for me when I don’t understand them.

2.  She eats ice cream for breakfast and cake for dinner.

3.  She knows how to laugh and then be completely serious a millisecond later.

4.  She quotes Roger Rabbit: “I’m not bad, I’m just drawn that way.”

5.  She can turn any bad situation around and make it positive.

6.  She loves ribs…a lot…

7.  She is daring.

8.  She is kind.

9.  She is snarky yet lovable.

10.  She likes British comedy.

11.  Her favorite movie is Clue, need I say more?

12.  She is bea-u-ti-ful!

13.  She is always there to ehlp.

14.  She makes her own bread.

15.  She has orange and blue toenails.

16.  She is one day going to write the Great American Novel…Go Gators!

17.  She is not afraid to speak her mind.

18.  She is slowly rubbing off on me.

19.  She cleans like a fiend.

20.  She makes enchiladas that are to die for.

21.  She always knows just what to say.

22.  She is not afraid to tell me when I’m being stupid.

23.  She brings me out of my shell.  I get funnier when she’s around…or after 11 p.m., whichever comes first.

24.  She loves to laugh even if it’s at herself…but especially if it’s at me.

25.  She loves giraffes.

26.  She is a grat friend.

27.  She always knows how to make me smile!

28.  She rocks my ever-loving socks off!!

29.  She is one of the most amazing people ever and one day she will be ranked as one of the most amazing people ever on VH1.

30.  She will laugh at me making a list of 30 reasons why I love her!!!  And know that it was hard to stick to 30…

I’m trying to remember that girl…the daring one. I think it’s time to put on some lip gloss, a smile, and fake it until it’s true again. That, and do something productive that makes me feel good about myself and my life.

let the celebration commence

Posted in family, flashback friday, friends, Life, me, roommates, the joys of living in Florida on October 5, 2007 by drbolte

About thirty years ago today, my mom was shaking her fist at the heavens and wondering if, in fact, humans could have the gestation period of elephants.

See, I was nearly a month late by that point.

(Let it never be said that I do ANYTHING on anyone else’s schedule but my own.)

Let’s see…I was born on Sunday, October 9th…so that would make today Wednesday.

She was probably anxiously awaiting her doctor’s appointment on Friday, where they were going to do a stress test to see if I was ready to arrive.

Because, you know, the 43 weeks I’d spent in her uterus was clearly not enough time for me to develop anything important.  Except, of course, for language skills and really long fingernails.

I would imagine, thirty years ago today, I was chillin’ with my Heavenly Father, way excited to come hang out on earth with the coolest family known to man.  I’m sure that I was really excited about the potential to prove that I had the faith to make the right choices. I’m sure, knowing me, that I was equal parts totally freaked out that I wouldn’t do it very well. I’m certain, also, that I was sad to leave those that I knew before this life and who I wouldn’t remember when I was here…and most especially sad to leave my Heavenly Parents.

Yep…it’s birthday time.

And I was freaked out about this birthday. I really was. I suppose there’s probably a shred of me that still freaks out about it. Time has a way of sneaking up on you and smacking you upside your head quite forcefully sometimes, reminding you that this time we have here is short and amazing and we better make the most of it every moment.

But these past few weeks have been so quite literally magical and amazing that I don’t even know how to express it.  It’s crazy how little words can encompass emotion sometimes.  But I feel like, for whatever reason, Heavenly Father has been giving me the best birthday celebration ever, as if to say: “Hey, kid, you’re doing good. You’ve done good.  Keep doing good–and here, how about you finally realize how amazing you are?  how much you are loved?”

It’s more than a nice gift to have. It’s irreplaceable.

But I’m also really looking forward to the earthly celebrations I’ll be having, kicking off today with the FLOWER DELIVERY I’m getting from my mom (can we say…daisies?!?) and tonight with my ridiculously wonderful pink Disney princess birthday bash, hosted by my wonderful roommate and my wonderful friend.  I’m excited. We invited some freaking insane amount of people–that’s how the Mormon world works for Carrie…if you’re having a party, you invite EVERYBODY so that nobody feels left out–but I know that not many of them will come.  It’s Friday night…it’s cool.  I understand.  But those that do come (and more than a few have said, absolutely, they’re coming) will be awesome and will make my birthday amazing.

I’m way loving the week-long celebration of my birth.


pardon my sawdust

Posted in ghetto life, Life, me, roommates on September 17, 2007 by drbolte

So, the promise of a brighter day has arrived.

Now don’t get excited. I haven’t met a man or cured world hunger or found a reason for Paris Hilton’s celebrity.

No, instead, the pungent smelling workman of the apocalypse who are building the closet for our new washer and dryer–for which we will each be paying $25 extra a month for the privilege (but let’s admit it, doing your laundry in your underwear, if necessary, and not needing 4000 quarters or a car to do so is pretty darn worth it)–arrived this morning.

I was by myself.   They came, they said I had to move everything out of the dining room (including a rather large table, thankyouverymuch) and off the counters and blah blah blah.  Unexpected to say the least, especially when I was on my way to my Institute class.

Thanks for the warning, apartment building office staff who couldn’t possibly be any more useless if you tried.  Thanks very much.

So they came, they framed a ginormous closet that sticks out at least a few inches from the existing wall (sweet!  more things for me run into!), they cut off the breakfast bar part of our counter, they moved the ceiling fan, they cut holes into the walls.

And they left sawdust EVERYWHERE.

By everywhere, I do not wax hyperbolic (is that RIGHT?).  I really do mean everywhere.

On the dishes in the sink–oh, yes, clean dishes–that were six feet away.  On the couches and fluffy lovely pillows across the room that had to be like twelve feet away.  Little pieces of laminate (why did I want to spell that Lamanites? Mormon humor…sorry.) are now embedded in everything we own, because apparently it’s impossible to NOT make it fly everywhere.  My roommate and I spent quite a while recovering–sweeping, vacuuming, cleaning the kitchen.  We were not amused.

(And if I find any of this in my sheets tonight, in my made bed in the bedroom that had the door shut, I might just lose my mind.  Fair warning.)

But at the same time as all of this angst and annoyance, I am excited. I am glad to finally see progress being made towards something that will be such a blessing. I am glad that what I thought was going to take so much longer isn’t, in fact, as far into the future as I thought it might be.

It’s all so very hopeful.

I have now decided something.  My life is one big construction zone.

(Come on. You knew I would go for the analogy.)

It’s messy–boy howdy, is it messy.  Full of potholes and jutting out walls and nails that haven’t quite been hammered in and smoothed out, that snag your dress as you walk by or scratch you just a little if you get too close.  Constantly in a state of upheaval, renovation, redecoration, my world seems more chaos than constant lately, and at times I’m never quite sure where I stand.

Who’s actually IN my life to stay?  What should I be doing? Am I doing it right? What’s just the distraction and what’s the real focus?

It’s all so very noisy and it all seems so very undone.

But it’s hopeful.  Even in the midst of burst pipes or splintered two-by-fours, my life is hopeful.

I am building something awesome.

If it’s a little wonky at times, I trust that there is Someone who can fix it.

If it’s a little different than I expected or planned, usually, if I just step back for a moment, I end up liking it quite a bit more than the version that I had planned.

And it’s beautiful.


Even if is a mess.

It’s my beautiful mess–and I love it. And I’m not sure I’d have it any other way.