Archive for the the internets Category

i’ll admit it. maybe i’ll be the only one who will.

Posted in celebrities, Life, the internets on June 25, 2009 by drbolte

you can call me callous if you want.

i’m more saddened by the death of farrah fawcett than i am by michael jackson. perhaps it is the 24-7 news world that we live in, aided by facebook (on a lark, i decided to see how many of my friends had updated their statuses about mj…the answer? MANY.), twitter, eonline, and a whole host of others, but i am no longer really surprised by sudden things like this. heath ledger perhaps did me in.

(of course, i’ll date myself, but i remember princess diana and gianni versace…and the oj chase…so i feel like i’ve seen it all evolve.)

i suppose i feel like both of these tragic souls deserved some peace.  i hope they find some.

but really, and i feel like a jerk for admitting this, but one of my primary thoughts (after the “seriously?”) was this: can i still play thriller at my reception, or is that going to be morbid?

i may, in fact, be a horrible person. but seriously?

life goes on.

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unfriend.

Posted in etcetera, facebook is the new crack, faith is action, huh?, Life, me, the internets on June 10, 2009 by drbolte

tired of the masses of people that i haven’t met/talked to/seen/heard from/corresponded with in ages and ages, and for whom i feel no real affection if i am to be truly honest, that populated my facebook friends list, i went on an unfriending spree last night.

but it really started with my  desire to unfriend, once and for all, my ex.

there’s no drama as there was the last time i unfriended him. i have just felt uncomfortable with the idea that, whenever he wants to, he can just pop back into my life via facebook. when that happens, it catches me off-guard and i feel glimmers of the girl i was circa fall 2007.

in case you’re not keeping track at home, i am REALLY not that girl anymore.

i didn’t like it and here’s the straight up truth: we weren’t going to be friends.

since the bff and i started dating, i had pretty much cut off all contact with the ex.  we had been, prior to the bff coming home, exchanging messages weekly. the ex is on a mission too, far far away in the far far east, and i was trying to be supportive and friend-like.  for a while, it was fine. we were friends, i suppose, in the way that we ever really were friends which by comparison with my other friendships remained strikingly shallow.  in parable metaphor, our friendship consisted of seeds sown in the heat of the day.  it worked, but only briefly.

once the bff came back and things started happening as they were meant to happen, thoughts of the ex quickly left my mind–friendship or whatever it was–and he became, as he was meant to be, a distant memory. except when he would pop back in and i would be jarred backward.  it felt wrong.  the bff doesn’t like him, doesn’t trust him, because of how things went down.  i think i probably understand better why things happened the way they happened, but i realized last night, as i considered whether or not to unfriend him, that we were really never going to be friends again–or perhaps it’s better to say that i didn’t ever want to be friends again.

for a while i thought that that was a character flaw of mine–to not be able to redefine the relationship once it changed. last night, i began to think that perhaps it is a strength to be able to see when something is done and to let go of it with grace.  i have always hated the part of me that held on too tight when something had clearly run its course. perhaps that part of me, like so many others of late, has changed.

i sent the ex a message, lest he think i was bitter, to explain my reason for unfriending him, to thank him for the blessing of his friendship so many moons ago, and to wish him all good things. i have been on the receiving end of unfriending of late and, if it is done without any real warning, it can be interpreted lots of ways. i really didn’t want that to happen.

i did know, though, that by doing so i was opening the door a crack. i erred on the side of kindness.

he replied tonight by sort of questioning my reasoning for unfriending him, seemingly halfheartedly wishing me good luck, and then telling me that he still wears the ring that i gave him (it was mine, it was a guy’s ring anyways, it was too big, he liked it, i told him he could have it, blah blah blah).

what do you do with that?

i’ll tell you what i did.

i deleted the message.

i recognized the guilt trip implicit in it (something i perhaps should have been expecting).

i let it get to me for a few minutes and then  i gave the bff the readers digest version of the whole thing and realized that this is exactly why i made the right decision.

i shrugged and moved on.

i feel inclined, right now, to move on from lots of things.  this one? i think this one was important.  far more than being about an ex, i think this one was about me recognizing that the choices i make for myself, as long as they are not intentionally harming others, are valid. i think this one was about stepping up and unapologetically claiming what i want.

this one was good.

timeout.

Posted in blogging, i'm so much cooler online, me, memelicious, the internets on January 12, 2009 by drbolte

did you know that it’s national delurking week? or something like that, which is basically my way of saying HEY. if you read but don’t comment, say hi!  and tell me what one television show i should watch for the rest of the spring because i think that’s all i’ll have time for.  all opinions are welcome, although not all will be considered with equal weight as the ones that i really like.  🙂

so, i was over at gretchasketch’s place, and she was doing this super cool interview deal where you answer questions from another blogger on your blog and then pass it on. and i was like I WANNA!

so here i go.

The Rules of the Interview
1. Leave me a comment saying you want to be interviewed.
2. I’ll email you five questions, of my determination not yours!
3. You update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You offer to interview someone else in the same post. (drbolte adds: this is me, doing that, right now, btw.)
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions. (drbolte adds: OH THE POWER!)
and now…the questions.
1. If you could have the fashion/wardrobe of one literary character, who would you pick?
my first instinct was actually some sort of jane austen character, which doesn’t really surprise me because my first instinct is almost always to default to austen, but the more i thought about it the more i thought that it has to be rebecca bloomwood from confessions of a shopaholic. girlfriend has TASTE and an uncanny ability to shop a sale.  so i’ll take that, lock, stock, and barrel.

2. If you could be a virtuoso in one instrument, what would you play?

piano.  i have always wanted to be able to play, and i think it actually has practical usage in church and other functions for me.  my second choice, betraying my truly sassy rockstar side, is drums.  i think it would be amazing to be a chick drummer. i was never gutsy enough to do it when i had the opportunities to learn, but i think i could do it now.

anybody have rock band? maybe i can practice…

3. Which of the 48 continental states would you visit if you had a free month and unlimited funds?

oh wow.  OH WOW. this is a really hard question, actually.  of course it says continental, so hawaii is out.  (ah, you’re a sneaky one!) and i just realized that it says more than one state, because i read it first as one.  WHEE!  okay, for real new york because if i have unlimited funds, i am SO going shopping there.  then masschussetts and probably much of the northeast.  i would go to colorado and see the mountains, california to see the beaches again, the pacific northwest because i’ve never seen it, and missouri to visit some church historical sites.  that ought to kill a month and a sizable bank account, i think.
4. What’s one of your best memories from elementary school?

i was in accelerated reading, so much of my memories about elementary school come from being the exception.  i liked going to 5th grade classrooms when i was in 3rd grade for reading.  i liked how it made me feel special and how i got to make friends with the older kids who actually seemed to really like me.  i liked how in 5th grade i had my own reading group with a teacher’s aide, and as my final project for my reading of little women, i made a comic book of the plotline.  i liked how i felt smart in elementary school and didn’t yet feel the pressure of being a smart girl when it seems like the smart girls don’t get very far in popularity contests. i guess, in all, my memories are a sum total of finding my footing and even then really knowing what i was good at and that i was something special at it.

5. If you received a bouquet of flowers from a secret admirer, what kind of flowers would they be?

daisies and roses mixed together.  daisies are friendly and roses say a lot.  if i just got one rose, i’d be happy, actually. but a bouquet of daisies and roses?  awesome.

okay, y’all…who’s next?

not.

Posted in blogging, etcetera, faith is action, fall is football, gators, i love my life, i promise you that you won't care, me, my amazing mother, the glass is half FULL, the internets, the joys of living in Florida, Uncategorized, you should really worship me on November 13, 2008 by drbolte

she‘s the cool kid, so i’m jumping on her bandwagon.

i am not afraid of challenges, though i am afraid of failing at them. i am not stoic, much as certain circumstances make me wish i was. i am not difficult to read. i am not often at a loss for words, but lately that comes with greater frequency. i am not a believer in sitting by and waiting for life to happen, although i used to be.

i am not likely to be up early, ever, unless that early morning errand is followed by a nice nap.  i am not averse to making my own bread, learning to make my own clothes, or otherwise living by a pioneer standard; however, i do not have time to do that right now.  i am not frequently zen-like; i am almost always thinking of something that has me stewing.  i am not sure what no stress feels like anymore. i am not a fan of dishes, laundry, or mopping floors, although i feel ridiculously productive once i’ve finished those chores.  i am not sure i can marry someone who won’t agree to take out the trash.

i do not believe any aspect of life will ever be truly easy; that’s why i’m always surprised by them when they come around. i do not often believe in my own work until i see evidence that it isn’t the crap that i make it out to be.  i do not wear heels very often, but the more often i do the more i love them. i am not a girly-girl, but i also don’t ever want to pee in the woods.  i am not afraid to sweat like a crazy person during workouts anymore–if someone has a problem with that, that’s theirs and not mine.  i am not afraid of questions.

i am not kidding when i say that i bleed orange and blue, although i am a bit surprised about how that all happened.  i do not feel out of my element talking about college football, although i have a lot left to learn. i am not looking forward to fall saturdays outside the swamp. i am not amused by arrogance, which is why i don’t like professional sports.  i do not think there will ever be an era of gator football like this one, because tebow is truly one-of-a-kind.

i will not eat cottage cheese, under any circumstance. i am not going to listen to your complaining without suggesting ways to fix the situation. i do not have patience with people who refuse to do something to change the things that don’t work in life.  i do not ever want to be a stereotypical anything, but i rebel against those that critique others for, in the course of being who they are, fit into those molds. i do not understand why i have such vivid memories of some things but have whole years that are foggy and seemingly unimportant.

i am not afraid of my family history of breast cancer. i am not inclined to get genetic testing, even though my mom may do it.  i do not believe in chasing trouble, nor do i believe that such information would do anything other than inspire a lifetime of freakouts.  so, i am not delusional, but i do what i want.  i will not live my life in fear.

i do not work well without some sort of pressure. i do not make deadlines very often–i usually am off by a week or so, which i hate.  i am not usually early to places anymore, which invites more anxiety than necessary.  i am not like my mother in so many ways–i fill my gas tank when it’s almost empty, i pay my bills on the day that they’re due, i stay up obscenely late, i buy clothes that she would never look at–but i am not ignorant of the fact that when i bang dishes around the kitchen in a passive-aggressive demonstration of bubbling frustration, i am exactly like her. i do not have a problem with that weird balance.

i will not be in a band, although i’d like to be in my secret hearts of hearts.  i will not have twelve kids, although i once wanted that many. i will not travel the world, more than likely, because i would rather spend my money on something closer to home.  i would not be surprised if my future family involves children that i adopt.

i do not want to live here forever, but i don’t want to leave.  i am not usually the one who understands her own potential; more likely than not, i am the girl looking back and saying ‘what the heck…look how far i’ve come.’ i do not know who i would be if i hadn’t come to florida, hadn’t gone to graduate school, hadn’t grabbed my life and made of it what i wish.  i am not a fan of regrets and wishing for do overs.

i am not who i once was.

what are you not?

the one thing NOT on my to-do list.

Posted in blogging, dissertation, i'm so much cooler online, the internets, will work for food, wish i may wish i might on September 24, 2008 by drbolte

i am tired.

it’s a good kind of tired, i suppose, but tired nonetheless.

and it’s only wednesday.

before october 1st, i have about one million things to do.

yeah, i don’t know why i’m here either.

except to say that i’m going to san francisco in december. to interview for jobs that i have yet to apply for.  i made my reservations at the hotel yesterday, with a friend who’s going to split the room with me.  we’re about five blocks from chinatown and close to union square. she’s never been to SF and i haven’t been there in AGES, so since we’ll be there for MANY days (saturday through tuesday…it feels like many when you’re paying san francisco prices which interestingly enough are less than detroit prices), i feel that sightseeing will be in order.

when we were sitting there in front of the computer, about to click the “reserve” button, my heart nearly pounded out of my chest.

I’M GOING.

please pray that i will get lots of interviews.  i can’t imagine how depressing it would be to go, spend the money, and then have no interviews to show for it.  we’ll mix and mingle and be incredibly schmoozey, to build relationships, but still. my cv isn’t the strongest, but there’s creativity in my work and a diversity in my approach.  if i can get interviews, i can sell them.  i am a good interviewer.

bah. can’t think about it.

yesterday i also had a job search meeting with the job search guru, the assistant/associate/idon’tknowtherightterm graduate coordinator.  he’s awesome and answers all of my random questions without making me feel like i am a) crazy and b) needy (both of which i most certainly am, a little bit, when it comes to this subject).

i asked him about this blog.

i’ve been wondering if it’s a liability, given that i talk about the dissertation, my life, teaching, shoes, and all manner of ridiculousness that surrounds my life as a grad student.  once upon a time, he said that they googled people, or might, in the course of job searches.  that makes sense. i google things all of the time.

(my best friend makes me google things from australia. i am the googler.)

but i wondered if somehow because this was not a particularly anonymous blog, if it would hurt me.  i got to thinking…i am not ashamed of anything that i’ve written here.  i could answer questions about it in an interview, if needed.

what i didn’t expect was for amazing job search guru to tell me to USE IT.  that if i felt comfortable enough, i could use it as evidence of my engagement with a larger cultural/textual community.

i don’t think i will, but it sure made me feel better. he said “talking to you about it, it’s pretty clear it’s not at all a negative.” and that made me very happy, and will make you happy because it made me reconsider getting rid of this blog and starting a new, anonymous one.  which you didn’t even know i was thinking about, did you?

yeah, i don’t tell you everything.

last thing, which is actually quite exciting to me and that fact is rather pathetic, is that i get to go office supply shopping on friday or saturday.  i have to get printer ink (oy. i’ll be bankrupt in seconds.) and highlighters, printer paper, and some sort of system by which to keep track of my job search stuff. i’m thinking posterboard to make a chart and some stickers or something. like elementary school!  yay!  i’m imagining that it will take me quite a while to figure out my system.  if, you know, by a while you mean the fifteen minutes i allot myself before the alarm bell in my head that tells me i have hundreds of pages to read and many more pages to write and WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT PENS YOU CRAZY?!?

but it should be fun.

back to the to-do list, which contains items like “shower” and “get dressed” because, really, those are important markers of a successful day.

and if i don’t schedule them, they may not get done.

sigh.

accountability check.

Posted in Church, dissertation, domestic goddess, gators, ghetto life, i am not a gym rat, Life, shopping, sigh, sports, teaching, the internets, the joys of living in Florida on August 4, 2008 by drbolte

well, hi there.

how in the sweet heck are you?  no, really.  how ARE you?  whatcha been doin’ with yourself?  a little bit of reading, like me? maybe some outdoor fun?  some travel, some moving, some contemplating the mysteries of the universe?

yeah, me too.

exhausting isn’t it?

well, it’s the beginning of the longest week of my life.  i have two exams to write, 30+ six to seven page papers to grade, and 10+ two page papers to grade all by thursday.  then i have 30+ exams to grade, and 30+ grades to calculate by monday.

and i don’t do work on sunday.

and i have plans on friday night.

and i have other things to do besides just that, like you know still exist on the planet and feed my face and work out and stuff and who has time for all of this?

my planner tells me that right now i should be doing something other than blogging, but i sort of want to say mean things to my planner (inanimate taskmaster that it is, even in its bright blue hibiscus printed glory) so i’m here.

because you know what tomorrow is?

ninety days. ninety days into my 30 in 180 challenge.

HALFWAY.

we are 90 days away from november 4th, which is apparently when my finish date is.

UGGGH.

so, following in the lovely and fabulous footsteps of one of my favorite bloggy gals, brookem, i am being accountable and updating you, my devoted and eager fans, on my progress.  i’ll try to keep it brief.

(the idea of that even made ME laugh.)

here we go:

1. finish a 5K in october for breast cancer in under 45 minutes, whether that means walking or running or a mixture.

october 4th. gainesville.  if you want to join me, let me know.  i’m going to be raising money too, so i’ll keep you updated. i’ve been working to try to get myself to a 15 minute pace walking. i think i’m at about 16-17 now.  we’ll see how it all goes.

2. finish five chapters of the dissertation.

i have two completely finished drafts, one half finished draft, one draft with the research done on half, and that’s it.  i am BEHIND.  teaching kicked my trash and the dissertation had to be shifted to the back burner.  starting monday?  FRONTBURNER STATUS.

3. lose 25 pounds. or two dress sizes.

i am halfway. i have lost about 12 pounds, am now comfortably wearing the shorts i bought a size too small ages ago that i thought i’d take back but never did, and have lost about nine inches.

4. resist the impulse to dye my hair again. it needs a break–or it really will break. also, figure out if this natural curl thing is something i can actually work to my benefit.

success.  i have no desire to dye it at all now.

5. exercise at least four times a week. no matter what.

you all perhaps unfortunately know that i do this because i talk about it ad nauseum. i think the only time i haven’t met this goal was when i had a fever.

6. go to the beach four times. don’t get burned.

i’ve gone twice. i don’t know if i’ll go again. i have no real desire anymore.  and i’m too busy. and gas is EXPENSIVE. so i might get a big fat fail on this one.

7. try every luna bar i can, including the luna sunrise ones, even if i have to order them online.

sigh.  i’m getting there.  i’ve tried nine of fifteen, and i probably won’t try two of them.

8. finish my hecka big crossstitch project.

haven’t worked on it at all.  i might switch this to making a baby quilt for a friend who’s having a baby. the principle’s the same, but the task would be different. i don’t know.

9. don’t give up. but keep to the schedule. (and this doesn’t make any sense to you for a reason. sorry.)

haven’t given up.  when circumstances didn’t conspire against me, i’ve stuck to the schedule.  so basically…yes.  i’ve done this and will continue to do it.

10. present a paper at a conference.

second to last weekend in october in detroit. i gotta make those reservations…

11. submit at least two things for publication that are related to my field.

done one. totally and harshly rejected.  oh well.

12. get my eyes checked. buy new glasses that are supersassy, young but professional, and actually wear them.

not yet.

13. look for a great interview suit. don’t buy one until it makes me feel amazing and beautiful and like i can take over the world when i’m in it.

not yet. probably not until late october or early november.

14. go to the doctor. it’s been too long.

totally avoiding it. i hate doctors.

15. be vigilant about visiting teaching. pray to have the fire to do it.

meh. i’ve tried more.  but i still need to be better.

16. feed the missionaries once a month–even if it is inconvenient and even if they are a little bit lame.

i was awesomely and totally doing this, and then they changed their rules and they can’t anymore. i may still make them food every month. i haven’t decided.

17. eat vegetables or fruit at least twice a day. in general, make them much more a part of my diet.

yup.

18. write in my journal once a month. the blog’s not the same thing.

i missed june, but wrote twice in july.  i win.

19. flirt. shamelessly. at every opportunity.

yeah, i’m doing this. especially lately. i don’t know what’s wrong with me.

20. read anna karenina. finally. this time for real.

haven’t even started.  sigh.

21. experiment with a recipe to make it healthier–maybe the muffin recipe. try a new recipe out of my cookbook.

made pot roast out of my cookbook.  experiment with recipes all the time.  it’s what i do now.

22. apply for jobs. a lot of jobs. be organized about it. be on top of it. and be FEARLESS.

not time yet. i’m trying to amp myself up to be fearless, though, instead of constantly wanting to vomit at the prospect of the job search. remember when i was all zen about it?

23. be a better friend. just in general. to most of my friends.

i’m trying.

24. keep paying off the credit card at the end of every month. PAY DOWN THE DEBT.

well, considering i didn’t have an income for the first half of the summer, i think i’m doing pretty well.  i could do better.

25. reread the book of mormon. three pages a day will get it done. keep a study journal. be serious about study, not just reading.

i haven’t done the study journal thing, but i have been trying to keep up with the book of mormon reading.  i am behind, though. there are 530 pages and i am on 248.  ack.

26. be an amazing gator football fan. watch as many games as i can. go to as many as i can.

i have season tickets. i am in charge of my church group’s football block. i’m a little bit in love with tim tebow and percy harvin. i’m not really sure what else i can do.

27. have an awesome and outrageous halloween costume. it’s my last one here. make it count.

i have an idea. it’s the execution that could be problematic.

28. buy and wear cute shoes that don’t kill my feet.

yup.

29. invest in cute jewelry. and quality makeup. and yummy lipgloss. and more music (or find more people willing to make me mixes…).

done makeup, lipgloss, and music.  need jewelry, actually pretty desperately.

30. keep learning to live within my means. there’s a way to do it all. and if there’s not…choose wisely.

i am trying.

ninety more days, y’all.  crazytown.  i’ll keep working on it.  what are your goals for the next ninety days?

[insert smart-sounding title here.]

Posted in domestic goddess, etcetera, i'm so much cooler online, memelicious, the internets on August 1, 2008 by drbolte

random discoveries that i’ve made this week:

  • i can do a sit-up–not a crunch–on the stability ball.  before you are all “well, yeah. everyone can, duh…” i would like to explain to you briefly that i couldn’t. and now i can. also…the most fun i had today was at the gym doing hill intervals on the treadmill.  there’s something really wrong with me.
  • boys read twilight.  multiple boys read twilight. i now have evidence for my theory that most boys? are just girls with bad communication skills. or something like that.  take home message: not scary at all.  and pretty comprehensible once you get behind it.  now watch my world explode with annoying men who don’t fit this model.
  • the yummiest thing to do with tomatoes and cucumbers and onions ever.  i added more lemon juice and cut the sugar in half and used olive oil instead.  we’ll see how it turns out when it marinates overnight, but i am prematurely calling this a big fat success.
  • that i really hate grading.  like so much that i will procrastinate it to the point where i will most definitely have to stay up for hours and hours and hours and not sleep at all and yet…still not doing it right now, am i?  i like seriously can’t make myself

so instead…i will do this meme that Gretch-a-sketch tagged me for about a million years ago, when i was like OH WOE IS ME I AM SO VERY BUSY but that i’ve been thinking a lot about lately and which fits in very nicely with my new life plan to make next week as difficult as is humanly possible on myself.

good times.

Summer Senses Meme

List the things you love about summer for each of the five senses and tag five people at the end. Simple!

Taste:  ripe tomatoes with salt.  corn on the cob.  grilled (hopefully a little burned) hot dogs.  popsicles, but most specifically this kind of popsicle that they don’t sell anymore called the big stick.  watermelon.  sea salt on your lips.  ice cream.

Touch:  the gritty combination of sand and sunscreen.  slimy aloe. burning hot steering wheels.  big fat raindrops out of the blue in the afternoon.  the fan on my skin.   the feeling, stepping out of the door, of being blanketed in humidity. sidewalk underneath bare feet.

Sight:  fireworks.  amazing sunsets.  painted toenails in flip flops.  kids playing in swimming pools, preferably with little swim floats on. red white and blue. sky so blue it hurts your eyes with its beauty.  the world through my reddish-tinted sunglasses.

Smell:  charcoal. the moment as it begins to rain when you can smell the drops in the air. newly mown grass.  the smell of the ocean from five miles away. sunscreen.  coconut and vanilla.

Auditory:  seagulls.  laughter.  ice cream trucks.  lots of radio and singing in the car.  the sputtering of a firework as it is first lit.

that’s all i got. what have you got? you should do this if you are so inclined. it’s august. it’s the dog days of summer…revel in it!