Archive for the wifey Category

naked.

Posted in bff, faith is action, family, i love my life, magic, the glass is half FULL, wifey on September 16, 2009 by drbolte

at moments, the degree to which i am grateful for my life overwhelms me, in wave upon wave of memory and realization of how many dreams have come true.

some nights, when i have a bad dream usually relating to something bad happening to the bff, i roll over and squeeze him, over and over, as if to try to convince myself that nothing will ever happen.  the depth of how much i love and depend on him is most clear to me then.

in some ways, marriage has really surprised me.  i have been surprised by how comfortable i am being my whole self in my marriage, being unafraid of who i am in every way.  it don’t feel flawless, perfect, or like i’ve achieved all that i want to be.  some days, as i face them, frighten me with their intensity and the responsibility that comes with them.  the future still remains murky and unclear to me.  we live lease term to lease term, week to week, while planning for eternity.  it’s a strange place to be.

but the things that i thought that i would be worried about or uncomfortable about are not even a concern.  what i thought would make me feel exposed makes me feel secure. what i thought would frighten me makes me strong.

the only walls in our home are the ones that surround our love.

that realization, i think, fills me with the greatest joy.

coupleland.

Posted in wifey on August 25, 2009 by drbolte

i imagine it in my mind as a theme park, of a kind.

it’s full of couples. and couple-themed things. like married couple double dates and a rolodex full of names like “JohnandCourtney” or “SpencerandIlene.” it’s a fun environment, and it fits pretty well, but every once in a while, you realize that you feel a bit out of place. that’s usually accompanied by one of the wildest rides in the place, the “OHMYGOSHwho’shavingababy?” rollercoaster.  when you find out that it’s someone you’ve known for a long time and recall conversations about how they didn’t really want to have kids (or if they did…it would be a LONG time), the ride gets even wilder.

before we got married, the bff and i were in a church congregation (for future reference these are called wards) exclusively for young single adults. while my age sort of pushed that “young” boundary a bit, i had been in that congregation for the entirety of my time in florida, so once it was pretty apparent that i was leaving, one way or another, they let me stay. what do these congregations consist of? young single adults. no kids. no families. just a bunch of single people your own age (or close to it), most of whom are going to school and doing their thing like you are.

it’s an incredibly interesting and engaging environment.

and when people meet, date, and get married, they leave and go to family wards.  because now they are their own families. when you’re single, you laugh and joke and tell that they are dead to you.  because usually? you don’t see those people much anymore.  for obvious reasons their priorities change and, often, they just don’t do the same things that they used to do.

i think it’s a good system overall. but i’ve never been on the other side of it.

when the bff and i went to our new ward last sunday, it was good. people were so genuinely kind, and it thrilled me a bit to introduce myself with a new last name and to be considered a family.  that was the first time that we’d done that, and it was lovely.

but a lot of the couples that i’d known or we’d known weren’t there for some reason (vacation, probably–it was the last weekend before summer classes began).  so we were sort of making it on our own as the new kids.  it was fine, but it was a little lonely.

this past sunday, it was remarkably different. suddenly there were all of these people that we knew.  tons of them.  and i was surrounded by other wives. and it was like i was part of the group.  and they were giving me all kinds of advice and suddenly i was struck with a moment of “wait a minute.  i’m a wife.”

sometimes it still hits me like that and feels strange. but most of the time i slip into it like it’s a position made just for me.  i don’t feel a lot of pressure to be someone that i’m not.  i try to do things that i think wives do and try to do the things that i need to do and, somehow, i’m figuring out what it is to fill this role.  it’s good. it’s easy, somewhat.  if you listen to those around you, it won’t be easy for long.  i am not sure how i feel about that advice, but i understand it.

i’m finding my way in this new world.  it’s a good world. i love it.

it’s sort of odd to realize that my identity is somewhat defined by the fact that i am half of an awesome team.  i pretty much love that.  i’ve had a long time to figure out who i am.  i am so excited to build up who we are.

in pictures.

Posted in bff, bridal diaries, family, i love my life, magic, me, superheckyes, wifey on August 14, 2009 by drbolte

i have lots to say, but am too tired to form words right now. it’s 5:53 a.m., and i’ve been having trouble sleeping more than about 3 hours at a time since about a week before the wedding.

but i didn’t want you to go much longer without seeing some of the pictures. (if you’re my facebook friend, you’ve probably seen them all, but i’ve chosen a few that i really, really love.) these are the pictures from friends/family who were there, the ones that i’ve seen thus far.  i haven’t even seen our official ones yet, but if these are this good? i’m excited.

6370_116132517383_636167383_2177917_1733477_ncoming out of the temple.  i love these pictures.

5340_10100198408674241_2054136_59729439_2969294_nthis might be one of my favorites so far.

5340_10100198408734121_2054136_59729448_2210852_nme and my mom.  this is when we were taking pictures around the temple. it was SO hot, y’all. i think we all thought we were going to die.

6370_116132712383_636167383_2177946_2449813_nwe took refuge in the shade.  i love this picture too.

n2035392_59572271_4741409we had a giant cupcake tower, but someone offered to make us a little cake.  this is what it looked like (it was really cute!) and it was a perfect showcase for our little penguins.  you can’t say those aren’t awesome. etsy, y’all.  etsy.

n2035392_59572334_5225121i was ridiculously kind to my husband when we cut the cake.  he? was not so kind. this is the face that i made when i saw the size of the piece of cake he was going to stuff in my face. i tried to be graceful about it, but i had to pull half of the 41 inches of fondant out of my mouth.  it wasn’t pretty, but it was very me.

n2035392_59572406_7409218he wrote me a song. and played it at our reception.

i cried.

of course there are more stories.  i have many to tell you.  but this will have to do until i can figure out how to not be completely exhausted in the most happy and wonderful way.  thank you for your good wishes and happy thoughts being sent my way. i can feel them, and they are lovely.