reason why i win.

Posted in bridal diaries on September 8, 2009 by drbolte

look at this picture and tell me it’s not amazing.

i dare you.

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i love everything about this picture, but most especially the posture of the bridesmaids. it’s so awesome.

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this is why i bleed orange and blue.

Posted in fall is football, gators on September 5, 2009 by drbolte

finally, it’s here.

tonight, the question is not will we win…the question is by how much?

as one facebook friend put it, “this week can shove it.”

Posted in Uncategorized on September 2, 2009 by drbolte

why:

i work 4 jobs.

i have to have a page-long to-do list, broken up into my different job categories as well as an etc./life category, in order to even remember to do everything that i have to do.

i have not worked out since the week before the wedding. as in A MONTH AGO. now that i want to, i literally don’t know where to find the time.

i desperately need a nap, but i can’t do that because i have to go to the post office and pick up an overnighted package and then meet someone to get an id and then go pick up football tickets that, while i will be very excited about on saturday, now just keeps me from taking a nap.

i vary from night to night on whether or not i sleep well. sometimes i am dead. others i can’t get comfortable. it’s very frustrating.

i am thinking that i am going to have to stop going to my wednesday night class, which i really do like, and do some independent study instead because i don’t think i’m going to be able to keep up with my three teaching jobs if i don’t work on wednesday nights. i am considering whether or not i am being a whiner about this and should just suck it up. but it’s about 2 hours that i could be doing something else with. (you know, other than stress-induced facebooking.)

i like my teaching gigs, but today i found myself completely frustrated by my MW students. i can’t decide if they just aren’t trying, don’t care, or are really that far below the level that i thought they were. i’m annoyed if it’s the first, ticked if it’s the second, and petrified if it’s the third.

all i want to do when i get home from working, whenever that might be (on tuesdays, for example, it isn’t until 8:30), is spend time with my husband. he doesn’t get home until 8:30 or 9 every night except the weekends, and we both have to be up early, so there really isn’t much of it.

it keeps raining. and i keep not having an umbrella.

why not:

i have 4 jobs, which gives us ample resources to support ourselves. one of those jobs is a TA job, which means i am not paying back student loans yet and i still have health care coverage, which is very important to me.

i have a to-do list, and i’ve been working it. boyhowdy have i become an expert at working that list. it is singlehandedly saving me. and it actually makes the stress seem totally manageable. or maybe mostly.

let’s be serious. i’ve been eating like a truck driver. the fact that i have not blown up like a very large balloon is testament to the fact that a) my lifestyle is really far from sedentary now (teaching for 5 hours straight? i’m pretty sure it’s strenuous.) and b) i must have adapted to the whole eating to maintenance thing almost instinctively. that’s very good news, really. also, i think my stomach is flatter.

uhm, WE HAVE SEASON FOOTBALL TICKETS THAT PRETTY MUCH DROPPED OUT OF THE SKY AND INTO OUR LAPS. oh tebow, spikes, and james. i’m coming to watch you work miracles in my swamp. que bliss.

i get to sleep next to my very favorite person. if i am awake a bit more to realize that, that’s not a bad thing.

the bff can’t go to the wednesday night class either, so maybe if i do independent study, we can do it together. that would be good, actually. i’m thinking that might be the best solution to multiple problems.

it will stretch me as a teacher. i will learn how to teach to varied audiences. this one’s the hardest. they really are annoying me, but there’s not much i can do about it but adapt.

you know what? we may not have a lot of time, but the time we have is precious. and you know what? the man i married is precious. he knows that tuesdays are my terrible days. so what did he do during his break from school? came home and vacuumed, made the bed, cleaned the kitchen and bathroom, and bought me flowers. i came home, saw the flowers and the vacuumed floors (i discovered everything else piece by piece), yelled out loud “HE’S THE BEST GUY IN THE WORLD!” and cried.

i’ll make it through this week and i’ll finish all the things on my to-do list and i will collapse on sunday and sleep all day, like i normally do, and i will get up and do it all again on monday, except i’ll have more time to get ahead.

and all will be well.

rant number 492: on bureaucracy and facebook idiocy.

Posted in Uncategorized on August 28, 2009 by drbolte

so i went to change my name today legally. wanted to do it at the two big gatekeepers of identity: social security and drivers license. i thought social security would be infinitely worse.

i think i was there for 10 minutes total. and i didn’t have an appointment. it was barely worth listening to the security guy and turning off my cell phone. except i did. because i am authority-respecting like that.

i went to the drivers license place and, when i pulled in, there was neither available parking nor anywhere to sit–inside OR outside, because there was a line out the door.

i have no idea why, but everyone in this stupid county was at this tiny office on this friday afternoon. i approached the counter and, despite having my birth certificate, social security receipt, drivers license, and marriage license in my possession, i also apparently needed a utility bill to prove my change of address.

(we won’t talk about how my address has been wrong on my license for MUCH longer than it should have been…)

so i went home, ate a PB&J sandwich, considered whether or not i wanted to go back, decided that i really wanted to get this done, and went back.

and saw the same people there that had been there when i left. an hour and something before.

i got a number this time but, upon hearing from the receptionist that normal days are very efficient, decided that this was a monumental and idiotic waste of time and that, were i called upon to have to stay there, i might lose my mind.

i may find that this was a very bad decision. but i am really completely perplexed by why social security, who deals with infinitely more complex issues, got me done in 34 seconds and the drivers license place is a operating on an insanely slow timeline.

i am also somewhat annoyed that i have to jump through these kinds of hoops. bah. good thing the bff (and his name) are worth it.

sweet mercy.

my other, and definitely shorter, rant is this: why is it that, once someone is married, every time they say anything tangentially (or directly) related to feeling gross, sick, or crabby, people crawl out of the woodwork to ask if they are pregnant?

if i was newly pregnant, would i REALLY be complaining about it on facebook in such obvious terms? really? i wouldn’t, you know, mask it as “tired” or “blah” or any other HOST of non-obvious, non-pregnancy related terms so as to, i don’t know, CONCEAL A PREGNANCY I HAD NOT YET ANNOUNCED?

and, following the same line of thought, dear well-meaning but really nosy and obnoxious commenter, do you really think that when you comment on my status asking if i am, in fact, pregnant (and it’s usually said obnoxiously like ‘prego’ or ‘preggers,’ terms which i really think should be banned forever), do you think that i am going to take that opportunity to announce to you and the rest of your newsfeed that i am?*

gah.

*i am not. this did not happen to me, but i have literally watched as it has happened to EVERY.SINGLE.ONE. of my newly married facebook friends, so i am just waiting for it to happen to me. depending on who does it, i may unleash my irritated ire. but probably not.

i have, however, known people who have announced their pregnancy on facebook when they were like 2 weeks pregnant. excuse me while i cringe. that will NOT happen.

selfish.

Posted in bff, family, friends, Life on August 28, 2009 by drbolte

coming out of the haze of the wedding and the honeymoon and all of the attention focused on me, i am feeling like i have been a bit of a selfish beast.  i have tried to not be one, to not go crazy and make the world miserable, but to a certain extent i feel like i have absolutely missed so much that’s been going on with other people.

how could i have not realized? how could i have not been more in tune?

i think this intersects with the realization, which often hits me like a large truck, about how generous people have been. we got a couple more wedding presents yesterday, and i just sort of sat there when we opened them, slackjawed and in shock.

people are so kind.  people have been so kind.  generosity just POURING out from sources far and wide.  dinner ready for us when we got back from our honeymoon, a day that was so exhausting even though all we did was go out to lunch with family and drive home.  i was so tired, and i didn’t have to do ANYTHING.  generous gifts from people who i know–i KNOW–struggle and are having a hard time.  it’s absolutely humbling and absolutely awesome.

and i absolutely have a hard time receiving.

to a certain extent, i think i got over it a bit when all of the hullabaloo was going on. it was like christmas or my birthday on steroids.  it was fun times to open all of the cards, it was fun times to open all of the gifts. it was fun to imagine where that things would go or what we could do with that.

but i think now that we’ve settled in, that i’ve had time to reflect, that the world has stopped (absolutely and completely) revolving around me and my stuff, i have realized just how much people have sacrificed to do for us what they have.  it’s hard for me sometimes.  maybe that makes me less of a developed person, but it’s much easier for me to give, or at least to feel like the proportion is almost equal, than to solely receive.

but solely receive is what i have done, and my reaction is one of all-encompassing gratitude and an almost overwhelming desire to be the one to do the same for others.  i have a ridiculous schedule, which perhaps in other times in my life might have made me feel like i didn’t have time to love the way i want to love and to appreciate the way i’d always hoped to appreciate the ones around me.

that’s crap. we always have time for what is most important to us.

thank you to those of you who have been the source of much of this giving. thank you for focusing on me and my joy and my crazy and for doing all that you have done to make my life so much better.

now it’s your turn.

what can i do?

the wedding chronicles: i’m getting married in the morning, part one.

Posted in bridal diaries, etcetera, family, magic, me, superheckyes on August 27, 2009 by drbolte

i woke up friday pretty excited.  what wasn’t there to be excited about? my toes were all painted red, courtesy of an amazing bridesmaid who pampered me the night before. my bags were packed.  we were running late, but that was pretty normal, and i was giddy excited.

mainly because i got to wear this, officially, for reals:

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see that? that’s a BRIDE shirt.  someone awesome gave me the iron-on, i found a shirt, and mom made the magic happen. i was pretty excited to wear it all day.

and it was a day, let me tell you.

we left late for orlando, deciding that we would divide and conquer our to-do list. mom would head to the hotel, pick up my family, take my cousin/photographer to the temple to scope out the sights and plan her attack for the next day, and mom would take care of getting a few things that i still needed. i would meet the bff at his parents’ house and we would go get flowers to do centerpieces.

the original plan was that my family would come meet us at the in-laws to help with centerpieces.  by the end of the drive, though, we decided that mom and the fam should just hang out and have a laidback afternoon, meeting us at the church at 3 to set up the reception site.

that ended up being a good plan, since the woman who never ever gets lost–EVER–spent the better part of the afternoon lost in the awesomeness that is orlando.  i got a call to get directions. i gave directions. those directions were circumvented by my aunt’s gps, which they realized only after listening to it had lost the will to live because of a lack of battery power.

(please note: if a bride gives you directions, and it’s the day before the wedding, and she sort of knows what she’s talking about because a) she’s been in the city more than you have and b) she’s sitting with someone who has lived in the city for the better part of his life, you should probably just listen.  it eliminates stress.)

during this time, the bff and i were scouring publixes and winn dixies around his house to find flowers for centerpieces.  when all was said and done, this was what we had to work with:

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quite possibly one of the worst pictures of me ever taken, but a cute one of the bff and a good one to show how much yellow, white, green, and red awesomeness we had.  we had piles and piles of flowers when we got back, but i was quite worried that we wouldn’t have enough. in what can only be described as an amazing blessing from heaven, the first publix that we went to had 12 gorgeous sunflowers. we did not find another store with another sunflower in it, and we went to three more.  we bought them out, which allowed us to have some continuity in our centerpieces.  you probably don’t care at all about that, but it mattered–A LOT–to me.

it was 900,000 degrees, so after we bought some flowers, the bff stayed in the car with the a/c blasting while i ran into the next, all so the flowers wouldn’t wilt. then we would drop them off and head to another store.  when we felt like we had enough, we came back and started taking them out of the packages and started trying to create flower arrangements.

i have never done this before. i have never advertised myself as a floral designer. but i read in a book somewhere (how’s that for responsible citation?) that fresh flowers are beautiful, that you can’t mess them up, and if you just stay out of their way, it will all be gorgeous.

it didn’t feel that way when we began.  everything looked…odd.  we were putting flowers in the little vases that we had, which were more circular than elongated, and all i could think was that they were going to be ugly and i hated them and everything i did was crap.

(i may or may not have been seriously freaking out at that point about many things. the flowers focused my angst.)

the bff thought they looked beautiful. but i thought that if the 11 centerpieces looked like the first one we made, our reception was going to look like buford the slack-jawed yokel was our florist.

i was not pleased.

but somehow, i just decided to keep going. to get them all done and then revise as needed at the end.  that there? that’s the writing nature of me kicking in–push past the crap at the draft stage and make it pretty in revisions.

and boy did we.

the second arrangement was better. we figured out height and we figured out colors and we just both started doing our creative thing. and every. single. one we put together was GORGEOUS and unique.  we tried to have pops of color in each, and we ended up needing the bff’s mom to get us  more red flowers, but they were all gorgeous.

and it was kind of awesome to realize that we did it together, that we pushed past the panic, and that we did it in the midst of all of the chaos.

most importantly? they were exactly what we both pictured in our heads.

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that’s how they turned out.  there are stories about the polka dots, but i’ll call it a serendipitous mistake that turned out to be probably one of my MOST FAVORITE things about how we decorated. i didn’t intend for the polka dots to start to take over…but they did. and it was amazing.

we had BARELY finished the centerpieces when it was time to go decorate the church.

next up: what do you get when you put 5 guys, 5 million strings of lights, and a lot of women in a room?

coupleland.

Posted in wifey on August 25, 2009 by drbolte

i imagine it in my mind as a theme park, of a kind.

it’s full of couples. and couple-themed things. like married couple double dates and a rolodex full of names like “JohnandCourtney” or “SpencerandIlene.” it’s a fun environment, and it fits pretty well, but every once in a while, you realize that you feel a bit out of place. that’s usually accompanied by one of the wildest rides in the place, the “OHMYGOSHwho’shavingababy?” rollercoaster.  when you find out that it’s someone you’ve known for a long time and recall conversations about how they didn’t really want to have kids (or if they did…it would be a LONG time), the ride gets even wilder.

before we got married, the bff and i were in a church congregation (for future reference these are called wards) exclusively for young single adults. while my age sort of pushed that “young” boundary a bit, i had been in that congregation for the entirety of my time in florida, so once it was pretty apparent that i was leaving, one way or another, they let me stay. what do these congregations consist of? young single adults. no kids. no families. just a bunch of single people your own age (or close to it), most of whom are going to school and doing their thing like you are.

it’s an incredibly interesting and engaging environment.

and when people meet, date, and get married, they leave and go to family wards.  because now they are their own families. when you’re single, you laugh and joke and tell that they are dead to you.  because usually? you don’t see those people much anymore.  for obvious reasons their priorities change and, often, they just don’t do the same things that they used to do.

i think it’s a good system overall. but i’ve never been on the other side of it.

when the bff and i went to our new ward last sunday, it was good. people were so genuinely kind, and it thrilled me a bit to introduce myself with a new last name and to be considered a family.  that was the first time that we’d done that, and it was lovely.

but a lot of the couples that i’d known or we’d known weren’t there for some reason (vacation, probably–it was the last weekend before summer classes began).  so we were sort of making it on our own as the new kids.  it was fine, but it was a little lonely.

this past sunday, it was remarkably different. suddenly there were all of these people that we knew.  tons of them.  and i was surrounded by other wives. and it was like i was part of the group.  and they were giving me all kinds of advice and suddenly i was struck with a moment of “wait a minute.  i’m a wife.”

sometimes it still hits me like that and feels strange. but most of the time i slip into it like it’s a position made just for me.  i don’t feel a lot of pressure to be someone that i’m not.  i try to do things that i think wives do and try to do the things that i need to do and, somehow, i’m figuring out what it is to fill this role.  it’s good. it’s easy, somewhat.  if you listen to those around you, it won’t be easy for long.  i am not sure how i feel about that advice, but i understand it.

i’m finding my way in this new world.  it’s a good world. i love it.

it’s sort of odd to realize that my identity is somewhat defined by the fact that i am half of an awesome team.  i pretty much love that.  i’ve had a long time to figure out who i am.  i am so excited to build up who we are.